elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Wednesday, April 16th, 2014 06:45 am
Some weeks ago there was an upgrade on my phone that nuked half my applications. The phone had behaved oddly since, not connecting to the 'net, culminating in a refusal to download email. I reset my phone to factory settings on Monday, and have (1) carefully purged a great deal of Samsung and Sprint software and (2) refused some of the "security" features. I do trust Amazon's store, and i don't download many apps anymore. The ones i download, i would like to keep, k thx bye.

I find myself wishing the phone had more magical, ooh, ahh effects. When it comes down to actually configuring it to be that way, i balk. Clutter. Distraction.

My phone is currently practical: weather, email, note pad, calendar.

However "S-Voice" is quite cool (the Samsung voice control interface), and i am depending on the voice control more and more. I love asking it questions as i drive, and yesterday was able to ask the phone to pull up Safety Dance (there, you have the earworm) on Youtube without looking at the device.

--==∞==--

Weariness continues. I'm not entirely sure what is going on but i am not feeling any bounce. The craving for sweets and coffee and boost keeps happening, and so yesterday i had an evening binge on donuts. Sugar to have enough energy to ... well, not much.

I'm sure there's some level of flare going on. The burning sensation on my face has migrated from the left to the right side, but it's very mild. It's not contributing to a headache, although i do seem to have a sinus headache. I wonder about arthritis as one knee -- the one i bashed in late December -- aches and one knuckle aches. I think i bashed that while dealing with the couch in late March. Arthritis or just clumsy?

I could not manage to stay up for the eclipse, and enjoyed it through Christine's sharing.

--==∞==--

The weariness -- it doesn't exactly feel like depression -- will pass. But ugh.
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Saturday, February 1st, 2014 11:20 am
Yesterday was a long work day, a visit to the optometrist, a King Tide neglected (the thought of carrying tripod reminded me of my back's ache), and a forgotten California Native Plants event (which was about photos folks had taken over the year -- oh how i felt it was important to attend, but i was wiped by the end of the day and forgot!)

Optometrist's conclusion: any change in my prescription is within the uncertainty of measurement from my current prescription. Huzzah, i'll keep these and save the bucks, although i wonder about whether what i really need is a full pair at my reduced strength for reading.

This morning i have hunkered in bed, reading the Internet. Medium had some nice articles and my reading list had a number that sent me on some research threads. One, in particular, about the zones of focus have made me ponder making a little booklet or slide rule to carry with me, in order to simulate the guides that used to be on camera lenses.

I should reflect on the threshing session Meeting had three weeks ago to report to Worship and Ministry tomorrow, and to prepare for Meeting for Business next week,

Loose ends are at work: i may follow through. The week was frustrating with a delayed install, performance issues pointing at my team's systems although finally attention zoomed in on the component on which my team's systems depend. Then, Friday, at 3:40 or so, a terrible bug was found. There's a possibility that our tester made testing errors, but i am horrified that we hadn't been testing this particular aspect -- given it was the first failure in the August install debacle (and, ah! yes! that is when Christine was last back in North Carolina).

I wanted to take Monday off, and i will stay at home.

My asthma is pretty irritated thus there's an edge of exhaustion to everything.
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Monday, October 28th, 2013 06:02 am
My GI system doesn't seem to like me at all. Fiddlysticks. Saturday was so uncomfortable that Sunday i felt very out of it. The whole weekend seems a haze of grumbles.

I did, however, mostly tidy the deck, moving plants around, deadheading and whatnot, so the seasonal color of mums and verbena are more prevalent and the lingering veggies have a better chance of sun. Green beans dangle, and one tiny green globe has set on the tomato. Go figure. I swept, even under pots, and i feel ready for long rains and grey days.

That's about all i feel ready for.

Ah, and here are my blood test results. A surge in my cholesterol over last year.

I really must exercise: i'm sure that's part of everything. Now that i have shoes that i can walk in without causing pain, i must get back to the exercise that worked for me. That was walking around the pool and reading after dark.
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Sunday, October 27th, 2013 07:07 am
Sorry to leave everyone with my Friday morning angst: after having blood drawn and my flu shot i was allowed tea and a breakfast, and my mood returned to equilibrium. My conclusion is that given what was on New Manager's mind -- it was a meeting to build his relationship with the team -- relationship building was probably what he was thinking about. I need to let him know that the technical parts of my work are important to me and double-check whether he felt he was presenting my job description or if it was just talking. It may not be all about me but possibly all about him: i have a long relationship with these folks and he may be concerned about how quickly he can build a rapport. There was also something he and i had been talking about over the week, our poor but improving working relationship we have with the DBAs, that may have been on his mind.

The strength of my reaction does say much about microaggressions and about how much hope in which i had wrapped the New Manager. I have felt so dismissed technically by New Director and the VP that receiving this small signal sent me off into to end-of-the-world thinking.

I don't think i've networked enough to find a new job that i would like, the first version of the app isn't done, i'm not ready to say "take this job and shove it." All the sense of being trapped that had me in such despair a year ago had overwhelmed me in the reflection time i had yesterday morning.

--==∞==--

I had scheduled Friday as vacation, but there's a huge pile of Stuff Not Done. The pleasure of not having to worry about morning meetings and to ignore the morning panics, though, led to Friday morning still being quite relaxing.

I worked with email off as much as i could. I still have plenty of progress to make. (And worked on some of the tedious tasks during Saturday's World Series game.)

I had a visit with the psychiatrist at 5 where we established that, in general, all is going quite well. I had been thinking that with new manager - despite my morning's angst - i may not need the antidepressants as much as i have. I can't be sure of that (see Friday morning's angst), but when i think back to all the distress about my job, the worst parts all had to do with New Director's incompetence. What remains to be seen is if the competent New Manager can function with the dysfunction. (Or if he gets fired in January because the install went poorly.)

The nice statement i can make about the psychiatrist is that he happily agreed that we could consider a dosage reduction. My observation that i wouldn't consider a reduction in the winter was met with an, "Ah you are a product of [my ivy league graduate school]!" that continues to rub me the wrong way. Apparently, dosage reductions are best managed in the spring.

After that i joined the native plant group until a production install issue called me home.

Saturday, i went out to join the friends i usually see on Sunday morning. Christine was blue before i left. She was working when i returned: i went on the deck to build my hanging planter. I had bought tubing and a funnel to water from the center of the hanging bird feeder cage. I might have been a little rough with the native California fuchsia: i hope it survives. I also put the bunchleaf penstemon in the hanging planter, along with a bunch of random geranium stalks. I planted the rest of the native plants, attempting to separate what i thought was a clump of sea thrift and splitting its main stem. I will hope that plant is hearty.

I also finished digging out potatoes -- there were hardly any more -- and i'll replant with some potatoes picked up today at the grocery. I also put rainbow chard in the top of the potato basket.

At the end of all this work i was quivery and felt like i had really strained my body physically. I'm not sure why -- it may have been stooping a great deal. I also had missed lunch, so i ate some things i thought would address low blood sugar and would balance out. Instead i managed to give myself horrible cramps. The rest of the day was shot as i dealt with the discomfort.

After watching a couple PBS episodes about super heroes, Christine joined me and we started listening to the World Series game. We were rather proud of ourselves: the mlb website no longer offers the game visualization. It's only on the iPad app. We found a program that would allow the iPad to send its content to our monitor that we use as a TV, and we "watched" the game with the projected visualization and the local sports radio broadcast. That was quite satisfactory up to the final play of the game: fortunately there are lots of highlights of that very last play.

This morning i am feeling all sorts of new muscle groups in my legs, so however i was squatting and stooping in the garden was probably a Bad Idea.
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Monday, September 16th, 2013 08:08 am
I've just declared comment bankruptcy and filed all your supportive comments in my received mail, out of my inbox.

Triage.

It was a good weekend, if a bit intense.

It began with getting the archive of my craft blog -- June 2003 to Nov 2010! -- returned to the internet. My other blog also needs to return, which apparently needs to be done carefully as the "just upload it all" method results in many file names but 0 bytes at Amazon.

Christine and i discussed my social presence and i think, for the time being, i will "blog" in evernote and use twitter etc to link to the note. I do these notes as it is, but i use inter-note links, that don't work unless one is in the notebook frame. I might be more intentional about getting that link as time goes on, as well.

I wrapped it up with a bit of weekend botanist and photographer social networking on Google plus, linked in, and twitter, as well as posting a set of photos of the herbarium visit on Sunday morning.

After the furious week at work, an intense weekend thinking about my alter-life is a balm.

--==∞==--

I think i'm having hot flashes. The thought of the herbarium visit brings up the memory of the sudden sense of melting. This seems to have started in the past month.

--==∞==--

Sweet gum aka liquid ambar are beginning to turn. The 101 Rengstroff interchange (i think) has a very red stand; the one at the end of our sidewalk is quite green. Plane trees have that tinge of gold to the green. Ducks fly over at night. It's dark when i wake up.

The equinox here will be Sunday afternoon. I ponder observing.
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Monday, July 29th, 2013 07:17 am
Yesterday's attendance of the Moravian worship was an interesting experience. I haven't sung so much in years, and that seems to have broken a fear or a frozen bit of myself. I may join our meeting's singing before worship since the roof didn't fall down over my voice. I have an idea that perhaps the two groups could sing together.

It's a thought.

The language was heavily Christocentric, but i was surprised how easily i could translate to my experience. On the other hand, the elements of threat and focus on the negative are now foreign to me. The minister preached love and peace but focused on how jealousy and hate destroy. Instead of the joys and liberation of simplicity, the minister discussed debt and the distraction of maintaining stuff.

If yours is a faith of transformation, then preach the vision to be. No need to show the outcome of the un-transformed life: it surrounds us. If you cannot express the vision of transformation, why should anyone do the work to be transformed?

--==∞==--

Yesterday afternoon my joint in one of my right fingers started aching again. Hrmph. I don't think it's injured, and i'm left pondering whether i should do anything about it. I know my Dad's advice via my mother's father about arthritis: both of these advocates for not doing anything are not to be trusted.

On the other hand, the ache isn't really occurring when i do one thing or another, just in reflexive closing of my hand. I didn't crochet yesterday, so i'm not sure if there's any relationship there.

--==∞==--

I spent a couple hours installing an open source GIS package on my laptop yesterday. Inspired by the apparent career transitions of the speaker on Friday night, i realized my GIS skills are rusty and old. Use or loose, so perhaps i should start using. Christine looked on, noting the package of all the applications takes about ten minutes to install on windows. However, i think it's installed correctly, and it starts up at least.
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Tuesday, July 23rd, 2013 07:32 am
I'm not sleeping well. It's an odd sort of not sleeping well: it's very unusual for me to have such a hard time waking. I know there were night sweats but...

Ah well.

My nephews stopped by Sunday afternoon and we showed them our seltzer bottle, and the eldest, Z, helped inject the CO2 into the bottle. Very good drama for kids! We're enjoying the seltzer and i'm kicking myself for buying the syrups instead of the bitters: the flavor is more dilute and the sugar isn't necessary. But it was good for the kids: blue curaçao flavored syrup is fun for kids.

I'm not sure if my taste buds are off due to a low grade case of rhinitis. The new Keemun has the smoky note, i guess, but not the other notes i favor. It doesn't have the edge, though, so that helps.

While i'm grumbling about my health, i should note that i do think i'm finally coming off the flare from this spring. The coughing from the asthma subsided months ago, but my skin still seemed very reactive. I haven't had new locations for skin issues for a while now. None of the locations were very extensive, but there were so many of them. My hands are well on the way to healing, my cheeks have been clear except for the one point i worried at so much. So i acknowledge that there is an improvement again.

--==∞==--

In the dresses off of eBay saga, i'd become frustrated at getting summery colors, so i'd gone over my budget a bit on the last two purchases (still far less than the clearance prices at Travelsmith).

The last one is a bright pink -- Code Pink pink -- and has a sheen to it that screams (to me) PLASTIC. Part of the issue is it is very similar in feel and fit to my swimsuit top. I am getting up the nerve to wear it to work despite feeling cheap. Not cheap like sexually promiscuous but cheap like lacking in quality. On the other hand, other than the sheen of the dress (and the BRIGHT, the BRIGHT) it's REALLY comfortable and well made. It's actually completely lined with a more form fitting slip, so the fabric doesn't cling or bunch around all my lumps. The dress is fairly form fitting too, but fits well, so i'm curvy not paunchy.

This switch to dresses has been a switch to clothes that fit me well in a flattering way, but have also been far more bold in displaying myself as a curvy (large) being. This pink dress isn't easy to ignore.
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Monday, June 10th, 2013 06:43 am
Yesterday i felt like i had some horrible chemical exposure during meeting for business. The headache and malaise stayed with me the rest of the day.

--==∞==--

Before the impact of the chemicals, i wondered what Benjamin Franklin would have thought about "metadata" collection in the mail. This morning i find that collecting data of the cover of your mail is prohibited (except law enforcement yadda yadda). I'm not in the mood to let myself be distracted to find out if one needs a court order to read someone's mail or collect the "metadata," but i find it telling that the information on the cover of mail has been considered privileged. Metadata, harumph.

Back to messenger pigeons?
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Sunday, June 2nd, 2013 07:01 am
Yesterday afternoon i some combination of heat, forgetting my morning antidepressants, and exposure to bleach really hit me. I stayed on the deck a little too long. Today is predicted as "much cooler" than yesterday: since i don't think yesterday hit its predicted high, i'm not sure that will be true. There's only a three degree difference.

I miss the tree that shaded our eastern exposure: the western exposure remains a sauna, but now the other rooms heat up, too.

I need to write my performance appraisal and monthly report today, Friday's tasks, and i'm anxious about the midday malaise that hit me yesterday. I didn't get everything in the world done yesterday, and today it weighs on me. I miss Christine. (She and i have chatted, and she is well at her sister's place.)

--==∞==--

Mr M seems so old and fragile that I find myself checking on him to see if he's still breathing. He's in good health and good spirits, but he's clearly stiff and arthritic. I think Greybrother's death -- while i was sitting only yards away, unaware -- struck me deeply.

He's sitting near me right now, paws crossed, chest rising and falling under his plush fur. I should give him one of his medications today: one for anemia, the other for constipation. He's learned the sound of the bottles opening and stalks away as one fills the syringe to hide under the bed.
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Saturday, June 1st, 2013 07:22 am
Yay, my computer is back. I hope i have made reasonable partitioning decisions. One terabyte. Not that we don't have other terabyte drives in the house, but this is in *my* machine. The crossing the benchmark takes me back to when i bought my first real computer (not the Timex Sinclair) and had a whole one gigabyte drive, and my awe at that size of disk.

Viva Moore's Law, and all that.

Christine is off to see her siblings and her mother for an early celebration of her mother's birthday, and possibly a last chance to see her. The doctor said earlier this week that her mother has entered late-stage Alzheimer's. I am so happy we could send Christine off to NC at short notice: doubly happy that, for once, there was a Delta flight at a reasonable time so i could use up some of the accumulated points.

I was sick yesterday: i seem to have had a 28 hour cold. This morning there's no headache and little congestion.

I have plenty to keep me busy, as i need to get some of the work due yesterday done before Monday.

Yesterday i tracked down more lupines of the Bay Area, finding more "lost lupines" and a few "new lupines." My current theory is that the lost lupines are at the southerly end of the range in the early 1900s and the new lupines are at the northerly end of their range. Lupines of the central valley in the 1900s could be moving west by creeping up the elevation of the coastal range. It's a hypothesis. The counter-hypothesis is that the lost lupines are simply unobserved or extirpated by development, but i'm left with the question of the new lupines, ones now reported but not reported in the early 1900s. As i go through the key, i'll be able to see if the new species might have been lumped in with another observed species, explaining the more recent occurrence.

I have recognized that what am thinking about as my next career is that of essentially being a writer-photographer. I need to begin paying attention to my writing, and so i've moved Virginia Tufte's book on style next to my pillow. I have little hope that the proximity is all that is needed to improve my writing, but it is an indication of awareness.

One of the glorious benefits of this clarity is that i know how to trim my interests. Should i network with python developers? Big data analysts? More identity management folks? No. I may still need to learn python and analyze the data i collect, and i have no idea how long i will remain working in identity management, but i should follow my heart to botany, writing, and photography.

I have lists of things i need to learn to give depth to my writing: topmost is more about the practice of botanical nomenclature. Physics has its egotists and adventurers, but botanists seem to have a bit more drama about them.

If i was to state my interests right now it would be in the interaction of natural history with social history in limited geographies.

Off to start the dungeons and desktops game for the day.
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Friday, May 31st, 2013 08:09 am
Hi world.

I sick i say!

That's the wisdom of my six or four year old self when confronted by the Christian-Science positive-thinking of my Grandmama.

This morning, i'm staying abed.

Yesterday's long headache gave way to sudden congestion around 3:30. Home i came. Decongestants don't seem to be doing the trick, so i'm surrendering today and will try to think clearly for reports on Sunday. I'd seen a friend who was sick on Sunday: i wonder if that provided the contagion.

Christine's siblings are gathering for an early birthday celebration for her mother this weekend. For the first time, my accumulation of Delta points seems useful, and she'll be off tomorrow to join them. I don't know when her mom will die -- two months or two years is the current prognosis -- but i think it will be good if she sees her siblings as a group again in this context and not wait for a funeral. (Making a note that we need to get Christine a black dress in the next few months.) I'm not sure i can recall the last time she saw them all: for me it was her sisters wedding.

Christine is currently off to get her hair done; i'm hoping my computer will be ready in time for her to add it to her errands.
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Wednesday, April 3rd, 2013 06:46 pm
Coughing and reacting midday today took my voice for most of the afternoon, and now i have a terrible sinus headache. All out of the blue.

grumble
Tags:
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Thursday, March 21st, 2013 06:27 am
I am thankful for my "birthday tea," Mélange de Chamonix: "fine India tea is blended with cocoa, cardamom, and a hint of cinnamon." Its fragrance delights me in the early morning as i make my pot.
I am thankful for Christine and her thoughtfulness: she seems to focus on taking care of me when her own goals slip away. She's negotiating with our landlord about replacing our carpets. I have looked at the Flor carpet tiles in the past and she found them again.

I am thankful for most of my colleagues: warm, honest, and supportive folks.

Dear Tumblr,

I just don't know what to post to you. I'm sorry that there's so much going on in your space, and i can't seem to participate.

Stuck in the Mud,

Me


I appear to be on a hormonal upswing and i have discovered antihistamines yet again, so i think i may be getting a groove back. Is it just coincidence this low follows travel or is it a consistent effect? I have a hard time believing it's coincidence time after time. I have such a chalenge with time-habits; place habits seem so much easier. It seems that travel disrupts me so and then i have to start anew, and at the same time i am "recovering," demotivated and disorganized.

I suspect it's getting easier over the years as i recognize patterns and work to balance them.

Meanwhile i am developing odd skin irritations. I am beginning to be worried about bed bugs in one of the hotels i was in, as the irritations don't seem like my usual skin irritations. One particularly odd inflammation on my neck certainly matches a cheery google image search. I will be highly irritated if i brought them home (literally and figuratively). In fascinating Wikipedia reading, apparently bedbugs were suggested as a treatment for hysteria.
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Monday, February 11th, 2013 06:39 am
It's light outside, and i noticed on Thursday that the sky was still twilit as i drove to a 6:30 pm meeting. We're now in the rapid rate change in the sine wave of day length. Thus the biannual disruption of daylight savings time must be approaching, and i am disappointed to see that it occurs at the beginning of my March trip east.

Well, Blondie, can't you come up with something you are happily anticipating?, I think, as i slide the "health notes" and "mental frame notes" down, getting those grumpy accounts out of the way.

I have a recurring "Robinson Crusoe"-esque daydream, set on some Earthlike but alien planet, in a glacier carved valley high on a plateau. I also have a similar "Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court" daydream, sometimes set in the lowlands of that alien planet. During meeting, my mind drifted to thoughts of whether i could make fish skin leather with primitive materials and how, if marooned, one might try tapping all species of trees to see what useful substances could be obtained. As i pulled back from those thoughts, i wondered why this is such a persistent daydream for the first time: inventiveness, experimentation, and curiosity were my answers.

I want a job where i can explore many questions. I don't think i need to be a primary contributor, per se, i'm sure that the ease with which i can imagine tapping a forest of trees could only be actual if someone else did the real work. The identification of the opportunity, the chance to observe the experimental results, tweaking, and then on to something else. Leave the production processing to someone else.

When my mind drifts in Meeting it also drifts to fiber, and i find myself designing or solving problems in projects. When i think of making a living from such a thing ... i can't. But i realize it is the same mental energy that the daydreams tickle: inventiveness and experimentation.


Health notes: Winter colds )

Mental frame notes: I probably could shift to a better one. )
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Sunday, February 10th, 2013 09:34 am
Christine is prickly this morning. "I'm sick and i'm wrestling with anger management," she says after a long silence. I feel as if i should hover, but that will be counter productive.

The iPad looks like it might be useful today at Meeting: the printer i can reach our our network has cartridge issues and it does seem mildly annoying to print something just to read it, when i can read it off the device. I've decided i will take the iPad on my trip next weekend, as well. In previous years i've just taken my phone, but this year i'll take this new toy. One of the best things about it has been the ease with which i can read PDFs: the phone screen is just too small. I just received a manuscript about a "listening survey" across the spectrum of US Friends on the topic of LGBTQ issues.

I am still experiencing the sinus unpleasantness, but i think it may be decreasing. Friday night i could not find the antibiotics, and i didn't see them on my desk until late morning the next day. I think the one missed dose will not lead to too many super bugs.



Feeling unsettled, the usual travel "Is there enough time to get everything ready?" uncertainty. Laundry, packing, Meeting responsibilities, work on The Situation....
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Saturday, February 2nd, 2013 04:12 pm
Dear [primary care provider],

Thank you so much for helping with that paperwork for when i was sick in late December. It was somewhat confusing how the Health Records division managed things, but it all worked out.

I'm writing now to ask if it would be appropriate to try a round of antibiotics for my sinuses. TMI )

I'm tired of the discomfort and drainage.

Thanks for your advice,

me
Tags:
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Wednesday, January 30th, 2013 06:39 am
TMI about my sinuses. )

--==∞==--

We had ISO 9001 training yesterday, which had some somewhat tautological definitions of Quality Management Systems. As far as our motivation, I find this statement somewhat backwards, "[The Whale] is committed to attain and maintain its ISO 9001 and 27001 certifications because the benefits are immense. These certifications promote [The Whale's] commitment to produce secure, quality, products and services for its members."

--==∞==--

Dinner with D's brother was pleasant, but because i didn't frame my expectations to him, i didn't really get to drive the questioning. The frame he brought was a "who can i connect you to" frame, which will be useful, when i know what direction i am going. I was more curious about, "What is work life like outside my limited scope?"

(Ugh, i still haven't posted this. Off it goes)
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Wednesday, January 2nd, 2013 06:52 am
My observance list today notes:

Feel your vocation to be fully human. [12]
The Birth of the goddess Inanna in ancient Sumeria. [1]
1959 USRR's Luna I launched (first moon probe, first extraterrestrial satellite) [5]
b Issac Asimov (1920 01 02 - 1992)


I've long sense lost the references that the numbers refer to, in calendar system change after calendar system change. (Hmm, [personal profile] weofodthignen: how does one call attention to an editor , and find the appropriate mesopotamian editor, that there is nonsense in the article about http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inanna ? I don't have time this morning to figure out how to excise all the opinion appropriately.)

Yesterday i worried about having enough energy for the work day today. I have rested so much this holiday season: can i bestir myself to work? This morning, i think i can. I did make an attempt to flush my sinuses. One flush seems to have had little effect on my comfort and well being. I suppose it's something that must be repeated.

I have been going back and forth with Evernote support, trying to fix an weird and intermittent-ish issue. I've installed new versions of software, generated logs, and even downloaded my entire Evernote collection afresh. I appreciate their help, but i am a little tired of the bug (for which i do have a workaround) and the troubleshooting. I just don't know if it will fix itself in time, just like it developed over time.
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Tuesday, January 1st, 2013 06:41 am


Thank you for sharing your lives and thoughts with me!

In the continuing strange story of me switching my clothing style on a dime, i was so delighted to find in Nordstrom Rack tights in my size. I noted the brand name, expecting i could track them down again: "Free Press." I am stunned by how many articles have been written about wearing tights.


Dear makers of tights:

Are color pigments so dear that you can not afford to make larger size tights in bright colors? Or do you think people with larger legs wear only black and mocha/espresso/coffee/brown?

I would have bought bright colors had you had them.

Me


I do feel awash, still, this season. It's the new year: really? My holidays are over tomorrow: already? I awoke in the wee hours this morning, thinking of the depression expressed by several of my staff, and i feel helpless. I feel ineffective and bypassed by decision makers in Ohio.

I don't know how i will leave or change this job, but that's my focus. I don't feel guided -- but do i ever feel that guided? It is more in retrospect that i am surprised how opportunity presented. What i have felt is certainty that i was in the right place. I suppose what is happening now is that i feel more and more certain i am in the wrong place.

--==∞==--

Record keeping )
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Saturday, December 29th, 2012 08:37 am
Yesterday afternoon was lost in a spate of waiting. Starting at 3 pm when i arrived to find the previous patient waiting, there were other waits in line to find things that were to be ready long before needed another ten or fifteen minutes.

This morning i still bewail my sinus condition and the various resulting discomforts.

--==∞==--

I received in the mail a Travelsmith dress bought on eBay as part of my attempt to get work dresses for under $20. This dress turns out to be far more curve accentuating than my usual choices and yet doesn't leave me feeling like i'm wearing a sausage casing. It's knee length, which is also shorter than i usually choose. It will suit Christine quite well if i can't find myself wearing it, but i will give it a try today as we go out for brunch and then visit The Conservatory of Flowers and the De Young in Golden Gate Park. I'd love to go to the Academy of Sciences as well, but the day may be too short for that.

The switch to dresses is a shift for me that i think is mainly being driven by comfort and annoyance with the challenge of finding pants and jeans that fit. I feel like i never get the length right even if i finally find something that works with my hips and waist. For years i wore skirts, but somehow the skirt doesn't seem as appealing as the simplicity of a dress: one outfit all together. This then leaves me considering my collection of exceedingly sensible shoes and wondering what to wear on my feet. My usual go-to walking shoes don't quite seem well paired with a dress.

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On The Situation: I'm doing so much better than i was in November, do i have to keep working on this? )