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Sunday, November 23rd, 2014 07:25 am
"The railroad was tasked to build a line to Tres Pinos. By 1873 they made it to Paicines but did not wish to continue building more line. So in 1874 the names of the two towns were switched so the railroad could say they had fulfilled their commitment to build a line all the way to Tres Pinos."

This reminds me of some reports about work progress early on at the Whale. Then i was sputteringly incoherent. Now, I sigh.


Yesterday i was feeling restless after a breakfast with a friend. I came home, didn't feel like focusing, and rattled about. At noon, i came to Christine and asked her if she wanted to take a road trip. She did, and as we drove waves of sadness and tension would grip me. We talked, and i think that this is the beginning of healing i need to do. Now that the "emergency" that led to high vigilance and worry is over, the waves of relief and realization will be washing over me for some time to come. The stress energy can subside (if i let it). And that's one of the awarenesses i spoke to my friend about: i need to learn to be less intense, where the sense of urgency drives me.

That sense of urgency can drop away to a more realistic level. I need to take care not to just transfer the sense of urgency that i have carried so long to my new work, which i may have done on Friday (waking in the wee hours of Saturday morning thinking about shortcomings in someone else's analysis of a technology framework).

So i will have waves of grieving, i expect, grieving for how hard it has been, letting myself acknowledge that and let go.


Some links and POI about the area we drove through yesterday: notes )
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Friday, November 21st, 2014 06:12 am
Wednesday morning: So we have my Real® Boss, the person whom i reported to until yesterday, who replaced New Director. It appears he's still informally my boss. Then we have my manager, who was the architect until yesterday, when he took my role.

I'm still ecstatic, possibly too much so, too publicly. But there it is.

And i was delighted how my Real® Boss designated my new gig, saying i was filling the shoes of our previous architect.

Much cramming and learning stretches out before me.


Thursday morning: well, my manager seems quite interested in being my Real® Boss. Which makes sense. It's a change i hadn't really wrapped my head around, but so it goes. (Not a bad change, just different.)

We met for two and a half hours and spent the most time on talking about team members. I recognize that that the team is the first priority for a new manager, and probably a responsibility i didn't follow up as well as i would have liked. (At this point, i am noting the challenges at the time in doing so.)


Friday morning: you'd think i could hit post.

I'm sitting in our office instead of typing in bed. It's an experiment. I forget when i got out of the habit, but it's possible i've been stressing out Christine in the morning as i type. And it's the distress that she wakes with that has stopped me from posting as i focus on her.

Here's hoping a new habit will help.

I ended up spending the past hour fighting with my laptop, but i am now starting on a potentially six hour back up of all my photos. 536.9 GB at current rate of 31.13 MB/s ... less than five at this point, yay.

Work was lovely yesterday. The Thursday meetings were off my calendar, and all my work is new and shiny. I'm going to have to ask my boss about transition responsibilities because i do worry a bit about things slipping through cracks. Fortunately, one deadline has now moved out in such a way it should be easier to meet.

I dreamed of flying with a delightful ease, somehow catching the wind and being lifted yet easily directing myself. I can't help but think that had something to do with work, yet in the same dream, there was a bit of horrible sadness of finding some teens who had killed themselves by hanging in a lovely tree. What on earth, brain? It was my usual sort of dream, landscapes (lakes and eastern forests) and interiors of public spaces (a museum). At the exterior of someone's home, i saw drifts of cottonwood down and deer fur. (Do they shed? The did in my dream.) It would make a lovely felt, i thought. I don't think it was an unusual dream (from when i can remember) except for the sense of ease and flying.

What a relief.


I haven't noted about elephants mainly because Christine's withdrawn so far that the elephants are no longer an issue except on rare occasions. I hold her depression and anxiety as lightly and lovingly as i can.
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Tuesday, November 18th, 2014 06:32 am
I am clear how much of this new gig is predicated on how much i trust my Real&Reg; Boss. Apparently, i made a very good impression on his new boss, our Executive Director, too. I've been aware of his boss for years at the company and believe he's a Good Guy. I'm trusting and thus i am ignoring all the HR stuff that screams red alarm.

I remember when we Minnow folks merged with this Whale of a company: all the HR stuff seemed draconian and horrible. And none of it ever seemed enforced or implemented. I'm assuming it's the same pattern.

So i talked with my Real® Boss yesterday and was both pleased and ... what is the feeling when you realize someone is pretty much cutting all the strings and saying they trust you? Its a type of exhilaration? I get the reins: it's my agenda, my planning, my priorities. He didn't say that, exactly, what he said is that all the ideas i'd listed as things to start with were good. He didn't have any concrete things in mind. When we talked about projects the team will implement and my role specifying them, he didn't seem to have much concrete in mind except that i will know the industry standard ways of doing them and will be able to advise. I get the sense that i am just to be The Expert. (With appropriate lessons from Laurie Anderson.)

So many choices! So much to give thanks for!

Last night as i stayed late working on the miserable miserable change instruction tickets i both comforted myself with "will not be my job tomorrow!" and reminded myself that not only is there the transition, but there is also being backup.

But so not my job!!
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Sunday, November 16th, 2014 06:53 am
I finally sat down to do the cryptography homework last night. Oy, calculating probabilities. And, actually, no, i don't think i've ever studied probabilities beyond whatever one gets in high school. Off to https://www.boundless.com, which appears to be a collection of free and reasonably edited text books, then add to my flash card deck forty-three more study cards (this counts the virtual "backs" and variations, so there are fewer concepts).

Yesterday i made a potato curry in the pressure cooker and created my own smoky horror. Christine had done so a couple weeks ago. I think the curry is OK, but i am not looking forward to my turn scrubbing carbonite.

Unrelated to that cooking event, we ended up in Max's in Redwood City. While not entirely fulfilling its promise of "Everything you've always wanted to eat," i indulged in "the ultimate grilled cheese" with brie, dill havarti, muenster and tomato on wonderful sourdough.

I've been pondering whether the wheat is really an issue or if it is over-carbing that caused the sensation when i was doing the dietary wheat challenge. At the moment, i know my biggest issue is too much sugar.

I think the semi-official announcement of my new position will come on Tuesday. Still haven't seen the title or the official job description.

(posting after meeting, after groceries)
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Tuesday, November 11th, 2014 06:25 am

I had a little get away with Christine and her sister this past Sunday night and was home yesterday for dinner. It was lovely, except Christine's depression is so heavy.

I'm not sure what to do other than what i do: ensure she can get care from professionals, encourage her to see the professionals, and hold her smile for her.

I have lost my smile,
but don't worry.
The dandelion has it.

-- via Thich Nhat Hanh

I suspect Christine would say the cats have her smile for her, as i listen to Mr M's loud purr waking Christine in the faint rose light of dawn.

These days, there's far more depression than elephants.

--== Workday occurs ==--

Reorg announcement now postponed another eleven days to Dec 16th.
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Saturday, November 8th, 2014 07:50 am
On my tickler list was some travel planning, so i poked around Wednesday night.

If i were to fly to the Midwinter gathering of Friends and then take the train to NC and fly home, it will be the same cost as flying all three legs plus meals. And whether i could get a day's work on the train is open to question.

I'm pondering it: it would be responsible.

And then i was looking at the 2017 eclipse. I'm thinking about Driggs, ID, on the west side of the Tetons. I think that would put the mountains in the frames.

Some time ago i imagined hiking up into the Tetons to take the photos. I am a little less ambitious now. Although if we can keep trying Mission Peak....


We have acquired Tagg, a pet tracking device. It's rather large, but works on 19 pound Edward. Edward was a neighborhood stray whom we adopted. He can come and go as he pleases if the deck door is open (he happily jumps from railing to stair railing or to roof), but the other cats have always enjoyed the deck (without causing my heart to stop as they leap from here to there). So, we let Edward roam. He used to come to the sound of his dinner bell, but he hasn't been that responsive since a neighbor at the end of the building has left food out for her orange cat (and Edward and another neighbor's orange cat Luigi).

It's already provided insight and ease in knowing what he is up to: he appears to hang out at a corner of the complex away from where we have usually looked for him. Ah-ha! I don't know if we'll subscribe to the annual fee, or if two months of tracking that comes with the purchase will be sufficient. (If you're thinking about such a tracker for your pet, i can go into more detail.)


[2014Nov07, 9:48:22 AM] My boss: Is [colleague] aware that you won't be his mgr. going forward?
[2014Nov07, 9:48:28 AM] My boss: I wanted to talk re-org and travel
[2014Nov07, 9:48:35 AM] My boss: but not if he isn't aware

At this point i'm thinking, "OMG he's saying this like it's REAL!"

[2014Nov07, 9:48:40 AM] Me: No, i haven't said anything to anyone'

Anyone... on my team. Friends, family, it's all i talk about.

[2014Nov07, 9:48:43 AM] My boss: okay
[2014Nov07, 9:48:44 AM] Me: Is it a done deal?
[2014Nov07, 9:48:55 AM] My boss: officially no
[2014Nov07, 9:49:00 AM] My boss: but given [blah blah that didn't make solid sense]
[2014Nov07, 9:53:49 AM] Me: So, should i be comfortable sharing with my team that a management change is coming?
[2014Nov07, 9:54:11 AM] My boss: Totally up to you - will they panic?

Well panic now or panic later, this is a little late to ask that, isn't it?

[2014Nov07, 9:54:20 AM] Me: I would appreciate being able to do so, but i've not felt comfortable with the uncertainty
[2014Nov07, 9:54:33 AM] My boss: Go for it then
[2014Nov07, 9:54:56 AM] Me: I think the level of panic is less if they're told this is something likely coming

So, i told two team members tomorrow that it was likely i'd be moving to a non-management position, first calling my team member who said that she didn't care about the reorg as long as her manager was the same. I'm pretty sure my exceeding delight at the possibility came through loud and clear.
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Wednesday, November 5th, 2014 07:22 am
The more i take these botany and biology classes, the more i think that plants are alien creatures to us animals.

Alien, in the sense that the common ancestor with animals was a single celled creature, and our evolution has been diverged for so very very long.

As long as physical laws are consistent, it seems likely that life elsewhere will be proteins, carbohydrates, lipids, and nucleic acids. If a biologist were to assert that any hydrocarbon based life must have to use DNA or RNA to communicate protein sequence information, i'd accept it as quite plausible. The relationship between the nucleic acid code and amino acids is determined by the physical shape of the molecules: what is interesting is that earth life doesn't make use of all the amino acids. New proteins could be part of the molecular machinery of other life.

General cell development seems pretty much chemistry and not something earth specific.

So, there are two classes of cells, those where there's just an inside the cell and an outside, and those where there are smaller units within the cell separated by a membrane. It's those smaller units that are likely to be different than ours based on what the abundant forms of energy are. And that is part of the fundamental difference between plants and animals: plants have one of these units that process energy, and we animals don't. Plants colonized the land long before animals: if animals hadn't come out to fill the niche available to creatures that moved, would plants have developed that facility? Watching the parasitic dodder in time lapse as it hunts out its prey plant is ... really creepy.

I remember how [livejournal.com profile] nellorat opined that timelapse was in general creepy. As i become more aware of the biology of plants, i find the timelapse images alien. Plants aren't just some background stage dressing. They really do have behavior in perceptual zones that are different than ours....


Energy is mostly up around the house, which is good.
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Monday, November 3rd, 2014 07:19 am
Halloween evening Christine and i sat down and watched Frankenstein (1931) then the X-File episode Post-modern Prometheus.

The cognitive challenge for me was watching the 1931 episode and wonder, was it really a horror film when it came out? Did audiences identify the horror as the initial bullying? Or was all of that invisible to the sensibilities of the time? Was the identification of Victor Frankenstein as the monster immediate?

(Having not read the book, either, i wonder how many had read the book before seeing the film -- the loose derivation may be significant in distinguishing the interpretations of the characters.)

I note both Dracula (1897) and Frankenstein (1818) were epistolary: i wonder at the technique and whether that was just the thing at the time (although eighty years seems to argue against "at the time").


The cleaning experience was good. I stayed and cleaned, too, although it was more clutter shifting than scrubbing. I ran laundry (a load of slip covers).

I've two more visits to use this year under the auspices of the Groupon. I wonder if they clean insides of refrigerators and shower curtains. And refrigerator coils.


Yesterday we felt like we got the extra hour over and over: slept in, more afternoon time, more evening time! Waking up today i hardly notice it.

The challenge will be the darkness of homecoming.
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Friday, October 31st, 2014 06:57 am
It seems grey out there, and i am reminded rain is predicted. The Ham Cam is socked in with clouds (why do we use that phrase?), sunrise is twenty minutes away.

At the weatherunderground, i see that the chance of rain goes from 20% to 94% at 8 am. Bring it!

I came home from the conference a bit early yesterday. Christine was triggering on the conjunction of an upcoming visit and the event last year. She went to sleep, and after some time comforting her, i went and watched many episodes of Haven. I'm two away from the end of this season (4 not 3!): netflix has no more.

My stresses play into a negative feedback loop for Christine: she feels helpless and guilty she's helpless so she feels even worse about herself. It makes transitioning to something that would helpe me thrive all the more critical: and so my stress about this reorg gets increased.

I wonder about waves of nausea this week and whether it is merely - ha - stress.

My director's executive director wants to meet with me today for a half hour to discuss what i am doing and my insights on the team. He did not come out and say, your appropriateness for changing to a new role. My director says that's what this meeting is about, but my discussion with the HR person makes me think that the ExecD is a more thoughtful, deliberative, pondering person who does not like to be rushed. I wrote in response to the invitation that there was much to discuss in a half hour: did he have any particular focus.

Mmmm: sunrise in ten minutes and the sky has wonderful bands of red. A rosy light glows in the corner of the room.


In other topcs, i am wondering about class distinctions this morning. I was reminded of some things a friend shared with me when she came back from a conference. The distinctions were more along the lines of cognative frames and there was something about generations out of poverty or at least working class that triggered some realizations about my mother's family.

I recently started reading a book on Swedish history which started with a discussion of slavery in Sweden. The transition from not having slaves (there was a different word) to servants wasn't so much of a transition, and the legal structure didn't change until 1927. My Swedish great grandparents left Sweden for America before that change. The upward mobility they wished for their descendants (my great aunts' remarkable college careers before ending up as a teacher and principal) hits a current peak with my brother's family. How my sister and i are different, though, in our sense of housekeeping and our intentional un-learning of the values our mother instilled in us is, apparently, a class transition.

There were other points of distinction: i suppose i'll write to find them out.
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Thursday, October 30th, 2014 07:51 am
Intense week with
* crisis circus going on with work,
* my review in weird limbo,
* reorganization still mysterious (two more weeks, perhaps),
* attendance at a tech conference with an unpleasant undercurrent (field prominent woman co-organizer being trolled for raising issues of diversity),
* Christine's elephants and mental health causing her distress,
* a certain amount of gastrointestinal distress
and that's probably enough. Top of mind, at least.

The good news is i think i'm still "on top" of various responsibilities: i don't feel like there's a looming overwhelming wave of things put off due to the conference. This is evidence -- attention, attention! -- of a certain amount of resiliance and capacity! Celebrate!

Christine is carrying a great deal of worry on my account as i shared the details of various worry around the top three bullets. It seemed important to let her know what was going on, yet sometimes i wonder if i externalize my emotional response to things to her. Is that possible? For a partner in a couple to carry all the grief and ache in order that the other can be strong? How could that work? If this happens -- if i really am relying on her to feel the negative feelings -- i need to stop it. She has enough on her plate.

I have some thoughts about a person whom i will call Boundary Woman, whom i met at the conference. She's interesting, intriguing, yet stands on her boundary with a bristling, ungenerous, angry stance. Is it posible to be graceful in defining one's boundary, graceful in the face of microagressions? I think what i found horrible was the gossipy way she included me in identifying others who committed microagressions and simple rudnesses. I'm sure it is in a defensive posture, to ask for support, but it seemed less that as she regaled me with the stories of this and that persons rudeness. I suppose she wanted backup: yes, you experienced a rudness and yes, it is OK to ask a person to finish chewing before talking to you, but she wasn't framing it as a sharing because she wanted a little support.


Anyhow, on to the last day of the conference.
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Friday, October 24th, 2014 06:48 am
I've not been journaling as much as is good for me ... why? Partly i think i'm a bit behind on sleep so i am sleeping a little later, partly because I'm needed a little more in the morning to support Christine as waves of anxiety or sadness pass over her on waking. I do feel i'm doing caretaking in a way that is beyond what i've done in the past (although i think there were depressions where i was the one being cared for in a comparable way).
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Sunday, October 19th, 2014 11:53 am
It was a demanding week to get to the Sunday install -- and we found a problem and had to roll back. I'm letting it go, in favor of trying to live lightly around one of Christine's elephants. In her worries, i know my over/work features highly.

I'm trying not to dwell on the "and next week i get to do it again."

Any news of a change in my role is still three weeks off.

Yesterday i made sautéd turnip greens for lunch: i'm happy it's greens season again, even if tomatoes are fading. I've a large batch of Tuscan kale: i may try kale chips. We've two winter squashes awaiting soup making. I suspect pressure cooking would be excellent for them, so i have ordered a replacement pressure cooker. The $10 yardsale cooker died some months back from abuse in the dishwasher. I spent a good deal of time shopping and trying to decide on which one. The inexpensive replacement of the abused one? The electric slow/pressure/rice cooker? The super-duper conventional one? I decided that the electric one with all the controlls was far more likely to experience a failure. The superduper conventional one will, i hope, last a very long time, especially if i take better care of the lid.

I've binge-watched Haven and read the Northworld Trilogy by David Drake.
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Monday, October 13th, 2014 06:47 am
Yesterday, much Meeting work from first thing in the morning (preparing food) to finishing cleanup at Meeting at 3. The yellow corn tortillas with egg salad were well consumed, and my fear of making disappointing food was alleved.

In worship i am spending time reflecting on practice and play and releasing results. I have few credos, but i believe results of one's efforts are, in general, a mystery. We learn and develop skills at getting along with people and many other things. Learning and developing skills can be accomplished through practice and/or play. But then there's the outcome of the efforts. It appears that there is a broad history where the wise acknowledge that one needs to release attachment to outcome, one needs to recognize what one cannot change.

If play is a very effective way to learn -- is part of it because the attachment to outcome is released at the beginning? Is it because there is an acknowledgement that mistakes will be made? Is it because it is a safe place to make mistakes?

I'm teased by a potential insight that the joy in play (not fun, but joy) could be tied to not being stressed out by the potential outcome of what is being practiced.

I ponder that play gets a bad name because someone playing implies that the person isn't going to take care to attend to the outcome.

Is there a space that can be created where we bring the sense of play yet remain aware of responsibility?

The word that just came to mind was generosity: to create that space for play, the creators of that space need to have the resources to be generous.

To make concrete, i'm thinking of the narrative i read yesterday about how "There was a train wreck at the 2014 Women in Computing Grace Hopper Celebration (#GHC)."

For the men who gave the keynote, who said things like "women should just speak up like the men do" and "women should not ask for raises but trust karma," i frame them as practicing at being allies and making very visible mistakes. This is not a place to play.

I'm reflecting, too, that play can go terribly wrong. Those playing-to-learn need guidance (coaching?).

I'm not clear here.

There's some tantalizing idea that's just out of reach, some paradoxical way of being where one is able to take risks and experience joy because of being in the frame of play while still being responsible and caring. I think the crux of this paradox is in some sort of surrendering of attachment to outcome, while yet remaining aware and responsible for outcome.
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Sunday, October 12th, 2014 09:12 am
Christine's new treatment was horrible, and she may still be suffering the withdrawal from quitting last week on Tuesday. New diagnosis is thrown away. I think one significant elephant has been addressed, which is good. Her mother, though, has been assessed as appropriate for hospice.

My Grandmámá is reportedly failing. trigger warning for off-hand discussion of suicide & lousy family dynamics ) They were driving home from Florida, so i couldn't really chat with Dad to get a slightly more reliable story. I did hear that Grandmámá's third husband (presumably under the influence of Fox news) proclaimed that we need to fix voting so only property owners get to vote. Dad's response was to be even more outrageous, culminating with alumni from his alma mater get three votes.

Yesterday was lovely, although not as productive as i would have liked. I did spend a great deal of time mucking in the garden. I repotted our heavily pruned sequoia, sifted through the potato bin to find few potatoes (and the remnants mostly sprouting). I created a larger worm bin and found that we do indeed still have wriggly worms in the bin. The larger bin was filled with trimmings from the cat nip, borage, and various other plants. The plants in the broken pot are still in the broken pot, but my legs are aching this morning, so i think i got enough exercise.

We also walked in the night: there are new diode street lamps on our night time walk route. Fascinating patterns are made as the light dapples through the leaves, and the moon was lovely company.

This morning was a great deal of food prep. I think i made some miserable egg salad (too much onion? more salt?) and miserable sandwiches of the salad between yellow corn tortillas. Well, it's edible. And i couldn't have ruined celery sticks and pepper strips.

So, healthy and well, although family news is mostly not good shading to quite sad. When Christine and i speculate when we might travel east, the uncertainty of funeral travel hangs over it all.
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Monday, September 22nd, 2014 06:31 am
Have to go in early today for a meeting about the re-org, and the hives are back. At least i know my antihistamine friends.

And the Benadryl and other one didn't make me particularly woosy, so i'll just nuke away.

I do have that sense of heightened irritation.

Meanwhile, the psychiatrist called back and is all set to see Christine. He'll only see one of us, so i'm back in the health care lottery.
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Saturday, September 20th, 2014 07:14 am
Let's see: hives are gone. Around 11 am the itching was beginning up again, so i called off work, took a claritin, and called the doctor. Actually Christine called the doctor. I was feeling a bit befuddled about what to do.

Saw the same internist who went after my cough and cold with a sledge hammer, she did the same with the hives. (No steroids, too soon after the last.) Next time i'll know what to do -- which seems to be essentially what i did but with More Antihistamines. She proscribed benedryl and a subscription antihistamine that the pharmacist said was close to zyrtec: zyxal. I can't take that sequence of letters very seriously. Z Y X? Should be zyxab. And the inverted molecule should be baxyz.

I probably didn't NEED to call off work, but work was pretty intense this week and i had a dental visit planned for the afternoon as well. After the dentist i bumped into an opportunity to do a good deed, something i wouldn't normally have felt ease in addressing. I was happy not to have an excuse, sad that the good deed was available, and was rewarded with a hug. Normally i would have had to return to the work trance, and i would have forgotten the opportunity or missed my chance.

I'm volunteering at the registration desk for the Native plant society horticultural workshop: this is networking. Off i go.
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Friday, September 19th, 2014 07:03 am
complaints )

When was iOS 8 announced? I just heard about folks having trouble downloading it. Just curious: how big is this rock i'm under?
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Thursday, September 18th, 2014 06:12 am
Christine seems to have a handle on the elephants these days, but her depression persists. I had so hoped that it was triggered by elephants. Or maybe the elephants still trigger it, but the depression is compartmentalized more.

In good family news, my sister's family has had an offer on a house accepted, and she has a part time job with her husbands company. She points out my parents are doing "better;" i've heard that so many times over the years that i can't control my eye rolling. I pointed out the cyclic nature of their behavior: they are in the good part.

I really really miss the prednisone. I didn't have the crash of losing the sense of well being (since i continured coughing), but the discomforts are coming back.
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Wednesday, September 17th, 2014 07:45 pm
Hi internet. I have had a DAY. Also, one really dark porter and a chipolte margarita.

But a DAY. Which was supposed to start early but started EVEN EARLIER. And then i spent four hours discussing identity management and the intenet of things with a small group of identity wonks.

Also, the "let's replace passwords with smart phones because everyone has one" discussion had me scribbling WAY PRIVLEDGE in my notes and circling it with red and orange highlighter flames.

Also, the 7 am it's [my team]'s fault the preproduction testing system is down reville? Not only not my team's fault but also, we troubleshot somebody elses software.


But the Chipoltle Magarita with tamarind, WOW.

Also, i had sweet potato fries for desert.

I will now see if i can find out what has been happening on the internet and with your lives. Missed you!
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Sunday, September 14th, 2014 07:47 am
I felt at the beginning of last week that i needed a reboot, and from Friday evening to late last night i rebooted, reading straight through the last three books in Nathan Lowell's Trader’s Tales from The Golden Age of the Solar Clipper. I read the first three back when i was exercising regularly and tearing up my Achillies tendon: my enjoyment of the stories was motivational.

I may go back to reading and walking. Listening and walking is well and good, but listening takes so long.

May i note these would be great stories for children of an impressionable age in order to inculcate the value of keeping things tidy and clean. The number of times the character puts the dishes into the dishwasher is remarkable:

He took his empties and slotted them in the cleaner before heading back to his watch. ...The chief followed me, slotting her dishes into the cleaner. I got up and slotted the dirties out of habit before pulling a fresh mug of coffee from the urn. I slotted my cup into the cleaner. I slotted my dirty dishes in the cleaner... I downed the tail of my coffee and slotted the dirty cup...

Cleaning ships figures prominently in the plots of two of the three books.

As i spent the day reclining in bed lost in the author's world -- oh, right all the working out, too -- there was a little voice aware of ALL THE HOUSEWORK that i was not doing.

Nonetheless, i feel rebooted from the week and the previous months. Beyond seeing everything in my home as a chance for Ishmael Wang to demonstrate leadership and pride by doing a massive scrubbing, i feel clear.

Now to start my day, picking up all the plates i was juggling in an intentional and balanced way.

Biggest concern is probably getting an doctor's appointment soon: the coughing isn't easing. Oh, how i would love another course of prednisone: the itchies attacked me last night. I won't get the course, i expect, but i can wish.

In reading notes, i also finished After We Kill You, We Will Welcome You Back as Honored Guests: Unembedded in Afghanistan by Ted Rall, which i found engaging and useful, but certainly has a political bias. I'm also back to reading the poems in Honeybee: Poems & Short Prose" by Naomi Shiha Nye.