elainegrey (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
elainegrey) wrote2010-03-18 06:49 am
elainegrey) wrote2010-03-18 06:49 am
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So the trauma therapy book and CD arrived midday yesterday. I ripped the disk and tried listening a little before bed. It's definitely different than the one i gave my mother: more talk and theory, not nearly enough pause time during visualization. But, it does count as a refresher course that i can squeeze in, so i'm sure i'll get something out of it. I'm already reminded of the "looking about the room" break from engagement, something i can practice today at work. I'm still hesitant to listen in the car until i've heard the whole thing through.
I felt like crying at my desk (at home) yesterday evening but stopped myself: why? This is part of what i need to work through, the postponing of feeling emotions.
--==++==--
In my dreams just as i was waking this morning, i was an African-American woman and so was my (female) spouse, and we had daughter, in the early school grades, and lived in a nice Huxtable-like town home. We were having a party for her, with plenty of white parents showing up and not knowing we were the black parents and i encountered the reactions i have read about.
OK, i'm keeping track now, brain: torture, slavery, racism. Is there a point you're trying to make? That my life is privileged and blessed and not about survival? That the wrongs of the world are horrible and gut-wrenching? WTF, brain? Where's the weirdly enigmatic dreams?
Actually, i have a light grasp on the dream before the parenthood one, a dream that is more typical. Some isolated landscape -- a barrier island of the south east, probably -- with plenty of contemporary structures scattered in the low woods. A single thin road track to connect to the rest of the world, a beach. I and my peers had shifting affiliations in the small community -- sexual and "business" partnerships -- and there were others who could not understand our understanding of relationships. In the dream there was no clear indication of who these curious others were, but there was some sense they had some sort of ineffective power over us. Ineffective prison wardens? Or, even though in the dream my community were definitely adults, the sense was more of the way teens think of adults misunderstanding them, and adults being mystified by the changed culture of teens. I'm not sure what "business" we were engaged in: activity along the beech and shallow water, repurposing the abandoned structures (busses and RVs as well as low concrete structures.
I felt like crying at my desk (at home) yesterday evening but stopped myself: why? This is part of what i need to work through, the postponing of feeling emotions.
--==++==--
In my dreams just as i was waking this morning, i was an African-American woman and so was my (female) spouse, and we had daughter, in the early school grades, and lived in a nice Huxtable-like town home. We were having a party for her, with plenty of white parents showing up and not knowing we were the black parents and i encountered the reactions i have read about.
OK, i'm keeping track now, brain: torture, slavery, racism. Is there a point you're trying to make? That my life is privileged and blessed and not about survival? That the wrongs of the world are horrible and gut-wrenching? WTF, brain? Where's the weirdly enigmatic dreams?
Actually, i have a light grasp on the dream before the parenthood one, a dream that is more typical. Some isolated landscape -- a barrier island of the south east, probably -- with plenty of contemporary structures scattered in the low woods. A single thin road track to connect to the rest of the world, a beach. I and my peers had shifting affiliations in the small community -- sexual and "business" partnerships -- and there were others who could not understand our understanding of relationships. In the dream there was no clear indication of who these curious others were, but there was some sense they had some sort of ineffective power over us. Ineffective prison wardens? Or, even though in the dream my community were definitely adults, the sense was more of the way teens think of adults misunderstanding them, and adults being mystified by the changed culture of teens. I'm not sure what "business" we were engaged in: activity along the beech and shallow water, repurposing the abandoned structures (busses and RVs as well as low concrete structures.