elainegrey (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
elainegrey) wrote2011-07-30 08:11 am
elainegrey) wrote2011-07-30 08:11 am
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Yesterday i was a bit blue. I'm not sure what i'm picking at with this journalling but i'm probably just documenting anhedonia. In reminding myself of the term, (the inability to experience pleasure from activities formerly found enjoyable), i ran across this sentence:
That difficulty is, for me, exactly the problem i have with my work. Is it work or is it me? Plenty of folks confirm that the executive management environment of my division is dysfunctional, yet is this just plain average corporate dysfunction? Probably? My brother-in-law is being jerked around in an even less ethical way than the lay-offs seemed to point to, so -- count my blessings?
I tried distracting myself by picking out colors for dye. The clothes from the floor that i wore during the day included a long sleeve T i'd dyed and the red & brown summer dress i'd dyed. My careful selection of palette several years ago meant they did go together reasonably well. I decided i wouldn't stop with that palette, but i did add a darker green and maroon. The maroon and the same brown are split compliments of the darker green.
I keep undermining my confidence in my choices, but i'm trying to ignore those voices. That energy, though, keeps the enthusiasm away and the planning seems more chore like than delight.
As another dye-prep task, I tied up a shirt with the artificial sinew and i'll see if it's easier to undo than the crochet thread i used last year and if it resists better than the crochet thread. I also hauled out one of the cotton jersey dresses i bought to dye. I don't like how it fits me in the moment but i'm sure having a jacket to go with it will help cover the lumpy bits. Also, "Stand up straight!" (Why cant that be a message that repeats over and over in my head? That and, "Practice deep breathing when you take breaks!")
After a while i simply submitted to watching Highlander and crocheting a simple mesh (increases at every sixth stitch so it will flare). It's on a top i designed myself that goes very well with a wrap skirt made from recycled saris. The silk yarn and the skirts i bought when we were in Santa Cruz last October.
Today i ought to spend a couple hours working to make up for yesterday's mental absence, and to help even out the crush at the beginning of the week that makes the end of the week so painful.
When treating [Dysthymia-]diagnosed individuals, it is often difficult to tell whether they are under unusually high environmental stress or the dysthymia is causing them to be more psychologically stressed in a standard environment.
That difficulty is, for me, exactly the problem i have with my work. Is it work or is it me? Plenty of folks confirm that the executive management environment of my division is dysfunctional, yet is this just plain average corporate dysfunction? Probably? My brother-in-law is being jerked around in an even less ethical way than the lay-offs seemed to point to, so -- count my blessings?
I tried distracting myself by picking out colors for dye. The clothes from the floor that i wore during the day included a long sleeve T i'd dyed and the red & brown summer dress i'd dyed. My careful selection of palette several years ago meant they did go together reasonably well. I decided i wouldn't stop with that palette, but i did add a darker green and maroon. The maroon and the same brown are split compliments of the darker green.
PR64 : ORCHID T1a HEX: #98539F RGB: 152,83,159PR34 : RUST BROWN * T1b HEX: #8E4E2E RGB: 142,78,46PR30A: New Emerald T1c HEX: #179254 RGB: 23,146,84PR10 : FIRE RED * T2aHEX: #C71021RGB: 199,16,33PR56 : AZURE BLUE * T2b HEX: #21418A RGB: 33,65,138PR1 Lemon T2c [2011 investment in primary] HEX: #F3FC3F RGB: 243,252,63PR34 : RUST BROWN * SC1l HEX: #8E4E2E RGB: 142,78,46PR31A Forest SC1 [2011] HEX: #1E684A RGB: 30,104,74PR16 Maroon SC1r [2011] HEX: #6C032F RGB: 108,3,47
I keep undermining my confidence in my choices, but i'm trying to ignore those voices. That energy, though, keeps the enthusiasm away and the planning seems more chore like than delight.
As another dye-prep task, I tied up a shirt with the artificial sinew and i'll see if it's easier to undo than the crochet thread i used last year and if it resists better than the crochet thread. I also hauled out one of the cotton jersey dresses i bought to dye. I don't like how it fits me in the moment but i'm sure having a jacket to go with it will help cover the lumpy bits. Also, "Stand up straight!" (Why cant that be a message that repeats over and over in my head? That and, "Practice deep breathing when you take breaks!")
After a while i simply submitted to watching Highlander and crocheting a simple mesh (increases at every sixth stitch so it will flare). It's on a top i designed myself that goes very well with a wrap skirt made from recycled saris. The silk yarn and the skirts i bought when we were in Santa Cruz last October.
Today i ought to spend a couple hours working to make up for yesterday's mental absence, and to help even out the crush at the beginning of the week that makes the end of the week so painful.