For family strife reasons, I see very little of my teenage and preteen nephews. I no longer exchange gifts with their parents. But I'm sending the nephews Amazon gift cards inside Xmas cards addressed individually to them. That way they can get something they actually want and I stick to my gift budget. There is something stressful in having to figure it out every year, another recognition of the distance between us and a real calculation of how much I'm still willing to spend on goodwill and family sentiment.

The lack of communication thing can be crazy making and is so much about control, at least in my experience.

I hope you get into a brighter place soon.