And then i realized why i feel like self and home care are harder when we're apart: it's easier to motivate doing some things for her than it is to do them for future me.

I find the same thing is true for me, not so much that I feel motivated to do things for him (though sometimes I am) but in that his schedule helps to keep me to a schedule.

The other thing is that, although we're technically apart every day due to work, it is when he is away traveling that I find I'm a mix of doing things I wouldn't if he were around as well as spending a whole day doing very little (such as binge watching TV, playing video games, etc.) But I definitely spend very little time on chores.