Best wishes for your mom's memorial, and for finding a way to be comfortable enough while looking socially appropriate (something I fail at utterly).
I love what you said about Christine to your aunt! She pretended (?) not to hear it, but you still said it. You know your aunt and Southern communication styles. Is there a pattern of, "If I behave better and pretend that past awful behavior didn't happen, we can all move forward"? I've run into that and had to tell people more directly, "I'm still wary because X happened and it was very painful." Sometimes that makes me the bad one for "not letting things go" but that's ... not fine exactly, but a cost I'm willing to bear.
Oof, the thought of hurting people and not knowing. I lacerate myself over things I do remember, and try to tell myself that it's possible they don't, and then keep trying to do better.
no subject
Best wishes for your mom's memorial, and for finding a way to be comfortable enough while looking socially appropriate (something I fail at utterly).
I love what you said about Christine to your aunt! She pretended (?) not to hear it, but you still said it. You know your aunt and Southern communication styles. Is there a pattern of, "If I behave better and pretend that past awful behavior didn't happen, we can all move forward"? I've run into that and had to tell people more directly, "I'm still wary because X happened and it was very painful." Sometimes that makes me the bad one for "not letting things go" but that's ... not fine exactly, but a cost I'm willing to bear.
Oof, the thought of hurting people and not knowing. I lacerate myself over things I do remember, and try to tell myself that it's possible they don't, and then keep trying to do better.