Mon, 24 Oct 2011 14:34:58 GMT

I am proud i got back out of the house yesterday evening, drove over to a friend's, and helped her with her computer. [1] The barrier to going over to help... i'm impressed in retrospect how big it was. Indeed, a great deal of the barrier was informed by helping other folks with computer stuff: sometimes dealing with users' anxiety and stress and worry is a large part of help. She was relaxed and not stressed out, so i think popping over there again to help won't be as hard.

My largest motivation was a call i received from another friend around 3 pm. She is so generous, constantly asking if we are up for something spontaneous, and getting a one in ten response rate. I can imagine giving up. Her offer of a hike was tempting, but the support call was looming. If i was going to bestir myself, i should follow up with the friend who had been months waiting for help.

It's a bit embarrassing: literally months waiting.

This is where i am dancing in therapy: the paradox of boundaries but wanting people close. I don't have a great deal of practice with folks who come as close as i am comfortable yet who can also cope with my boundaries. The friend who called to ask me for a walk: she's a rare case who seems to get my "no"s are not "no"s to her.

In Meeting yesterday, someone spoke of passion and detachment as if they were mutually exclusive. I don't think they are, and the tension i am currently working around -- the need for boundaries to protect myself but the desire for people to be near -- this helps me understand the need for and the power of both.... I am now muddleheaded as i redirect myself out the door to work. Maybe more tomorrow....

[1] Put the G5 Mac in target disk mode, found that the boot drive was corrupted and that Disk Utility on my Intel mac diagnosed it as unrecoverable: reformat & reinstall. Fortunately she had been using TIme Machine and really didn't have a lot of personal files, so there was no handwringing.

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elainegrey