(no subject)

I've been off this afternoon. I think i just put my finger on it a little while ago. I think i was as open as i might have been in a ritual during the state-of-the-meeting meeting, and i'm feeling insecure about the little bit i shared. I shared what i felt led to, not what i thought needed to be shared, and i don't often speak from that place. The words didn't entirely make sense i suspect. "I didn't feel heard" is what i thought earlier, and i guess i wanted a "good job, pet pet" from a human source. I don't know quite how to get that from the source.

I probably needed to "process" that event more than i thought. I do know i took in one person's very negative state and that's probably nudged my energy as i've not intentionally released the negativity. Should i call him, i wonder, ask for him to share more? Yet i know others work with him.

We're all so needy -- i'm needy and don't know how to make it possible for others to help me. This other person is needy and demands that others attempt to meet his needs, draining others.

Oh! Community. It's just a bunch of individuals, all with our fragmented experience and needs and understanding.

Maybe i'll see way to becoming a hermit. Not yet though.

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Reading this week (from a post elsewhere): I skimmed something about "How Starbucks Saved My Life" which is an interesting case study in race and privilege, although i was very annoyed. Finished issue #3 of Steampunk Tales and started readign the short story collection Moon Flights.

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I'm trying to plan and be centered for my next year. Not there yet.