elainegrey

Health: platelets back up on Monday and i think i was feeling better on Sunday. Spent some time looking for details on measurement uncertainties and natural variation in platelet counts.  I suspect if one knew the equipment that was being used there would be reference material, but there's no rule of thumb. Using some possibly unreliable numbers i found, i have established a range of normal for me that includes both my variation of numbers in the normal range and the measurement uncertainty. Ups and downs within that range i should consider as noise, not trend.  I did have a drop the previous week, and i think i did sense that in my body.

Feline health: this weekend was punctuated by Edward being sick with unpleasant fluids in many unexpected places around the house. Christine thinks she saw him hunt and catch something Thursday afternoon; perhaps that was a cause. This afternoon he seems to be getting better.

Luigi is even less mobile than he has been. He is enjoying some time on the deck in the sun (and pollen). We wonder if he is in discomfort or pain and when we should let him go. I think he's still OK, but there is something even more aged about him. He is getting matted but distressing him and triggering his breathing difficulties seems wrong at this point.

--== ∞ ==--

Work:  hyperfocusing on learning the OpenID Federation specification and the draft profile for higher ed, plus playing out the spec in a toy universe i created. I sure hope it can be as useful for others as it was for me because i sunk a great deal into it.

Escape/reading:  i spent the week very focused at work and very much escaping into Elizabeth Moon's Paladin’s Legacy series. One issue was that the books didn't really end, but just were continued in the next volume, so my hyperfocus tendencies really really wanted back in the story because there wasn't a strong done signal.

Even now, with some bits tied off, there clearly are narrative arcs ready to keep going. (Finds blog, finds title of a book sent to the editor, recognizes one thread that seemed ready for a book, drums fingers wondering when it will be published.) I am very tempted to read again: i know i skim parts wanting to get to the next plot bit. Rereading i will likely visualize more. Probably could study the maps better.

I found the theology and religion in the books interesting. SPOILER: part of the story has young people suddenly showing a capability that had been labeled as evil, discovery of writings from the time of one of the more politically established saint/gods showing the saint/god's compassion and that the capability itself was never one that the saint/god condemned. The magery feels very much like a metaphor for how visible trans youth became in the past few decades. I think this was in the... fourth book? Written a decade ago.

--== ∞ ==--

So, i've been ignoring spring, sorta. Did see fireflies the past three nights. (https://www.backyardecology.net/spring-treetop-flasher-our-first-firefly-species-of-the-season/)

Made third batch of seed crackers.

Had lunch with nephew down from NYU, lovely.

Went out on boat with Dad. Dad headed it into a huge flock (raft?) of cormorants. He wasn't wearing his hearing aid and could not hear me asking him, telling him to stop. He clearly wanted to get a video of the birds in flight. He sent some of them up, and i finally yelled stop loud enough to keep him from disturbing all of them. I was steamed. "But other boats speed through them." I growled a standard "just because everyone else" response and asked him if he wanted people driving through his bedroom. When he complained to my sister she informed (reminded?) him of the definition of harassing wildlife.

He posted his video on line -- and then heard me. Sigh.

I currently have an opportunity to investigate my negative thoughts. Certainly Christine's week of migraines and then deep distress on Sunday was hard, and i wasn't doing the best job shielding myself from her feelings. I'll frame that as showing a general good in our life though. She continues to have more capacity for wobbles and more positive energy day to day. I am not as practiced at the emotional boundary. And, indeed it goes both ways, as my current dip is something she was noticing and having to hold off yesterday.

I did want to visit with my sister for cheer on Tuesday, but the walk along her shady but hilly roads did not facilitate as much of a heart to heart once we were on the return, drenched with sweat. At her home, there was something about her husband T's conversational topic (shopping estate sales) that poked me. I am judgemental about my shopping patterns (too much stuff) and think of my mother's closets of very very similar slacks, and stacks of projects, and huge stash of stale but very expensive spices and seasonings. I am very aware of the positive anticipatory energy of picking out project stuff or outfits or ingredients -- i spent time yesterday going through on sale pens and papers at Amazon Prime but did not pull the trigger, partly because somewhere in the house is a box of beautiful washi tape from a previous Prime sale, and there are boxes of papers, and since moving i have carefully curated pens and pen refills. And it's not like i've used them up yet! Anyhow, there's a tension with messages of indulgence and the self knowledge that certain things aren't really an indulgence. A bunch of pens  seems innocuous, but when they arrive: where do i put them? How do i feel in four months when i see them and haven't used them? Indulgence woudl be remembering to play with the watercolor pencils that i bought a few weeks ago instead of the distraction of looking at pens.

I had tried escaping into a book, but Tuesday night's book was Darwin's Radio by Greg Bear and -- yay! I've imagined  stories about the something triggering some of our latent, ancient genes into expressing proteins that have fascinating outcomes -- the main woman character's life situation, the CDC's political maneuverings, the context of discovery -- all bleeping depressing. Don't need that.

Last night i read a Nathan Lowell book which is somewhat cozy science fiction, and it was all about the incredibly successful crew of the cargo hauling and trading spaceship being asked to take on a new ship and train cadets -- what were the dynamics of trying to bring on a second set of officers? Who pays for outfitting the new ship? Why is one of the new crew so resentful? What's going on with the instructional designer? What will the results of trying to develop a new curriculum be? Will the main character get past his grief at his great love's murder? Will the two pairs of two friends ever develop any romantic relationships? Or will captain pair up with captain? Tune in to the next book to find out, i suppose, except they did solve who was going to pay for the ship outfitting in the last chapter where the actual negotiations of how to create the educational foundation occurred "off screen" as it were, and the book ends with the CEO making sure the primary stockholder (narrator, ship captain,  and best friend) isn't upset that the CEO completed the negotiation without consult.

I dunno, i think a little editing could have slimmed down the book OR made more vivid the thrashing over whether one gets top of the line mattresses or midrange.

Up to the 9th i worked with some intensity, focusing on a meeting the morning of the 9th where we would present a work estimate. Lo, by the end of the day Thursday the 9th, "too big" was the response to the work estimate, "let's do it again." I had a feeling of "senioritis" and was so Done with work, happy that we would start afresh on Monday.

I saw (what passes for) aurora on Friday night, along with multiple satellite passes. There were surprising white narrow straight bands, a single one shooting like a light house beam or spotlight, fast, pulsing, then gone. I've not read anything about that. Christine saw it once and commented, then i saw it several more times as i continued to observe.

I mowed and mowed and mowed  on the 11th and 12th, not just the orchard and the recognized as grass areas but other growth, scalping stilt grass in some places, just getting weedy seed heads in others. And i spent some time weeding too, telling myself perfection isn't necessary, just releasing the desired plants. It was much yard work in a short time, which i haven't done for over a year, and i ached.

Then there was a week working on the new estimate, with wonderful collaboration with my manager and the new team manager. I had a terrible headache, Christine had migraines, and we both had some days of feeling out of it. I had eaten tradescantia buds of the native T virginiana, as promoted by Tyrant farms on Tuesday, and my horrible Wednesday had that correlation, but given Christine also had headaches and similar symptoms, i logically can't blame the wild vegetable. I'm feeling much less excited about it though. Wednesday was also horrible because of being scatterbrained with debit and credit cards, but all worked out after multiple trips to the store.

I tried working in the yard this weekend, but despite the mild temperatures, 85% humidity is very unpleasant. After soaking in sweat (condensation?) while picking strawberries, I retreated inside. The dehumidifier seemed to run all weekend. I picked some roses and made a rose jelly (with bits of vanilla bean) that didn't jell. I decanted the jars and gave the syrup to my sister. I had planned to give her some of the jelly, as it was.  And we attended my niblings' art show at the high school on Saturday night, delighting in W--'s and E--'s talent. My sister L has been overwhelmed since April. I suppose after the open house (on 8 June) to celebrate W's graduation  she might be a little more accessible for connections.

I've had a mind that didn't want to do as "told" and spent much of Saturday researching improved native persimmon trees. I think at this point should start learning to graft. To get some yummy  native persimmons, i suspect ordering scion wood will be more affordable and manageable. Sunday i spent time searching for how i could make a tool belt using the MOLLE and PALS system. This is the technique that many "tactical" bags use to add custom extensions, and answers the question, "why does my backpack have these odd straps stitched across it?" I concluded with that, that i will just keep loading things into baskets (at some point i need to unload the baskets, i know.) I read (skimmed) three novels that were collected in one volume that i acquired some time in the past; they diverted me but if i had read them i can see why i forgot them.

My nephew Z-- is arrived this weekend to stay with Dad. He attends a marine biology focused liberal arts school on Tampa Bay in Florida. I hope we can find some time to hang out a little.  Many of us gathered at my sister's for brunch yesterday morning, which was delight. Her spouse was pulled away, Christine was home with a migraine. The three kids are lovely to listen to as they chat.

vacation, work

It's been a rough month for Christine and parts of her family. Her sister D's husband was in ICU with mysterious heart issues, including loosing a pulse for something like 20 seconds. That was very worrisome. He's home now, but Christine wanted to support them but her sister wasn't really letting her.  If it had been my sister i would have just gone, but siblings are different.

Then her brother L reached the point where hospice let family know it was time to see him. L died on Saturday the 16th; we went to the memorial yesterday. Christine's birth place in her family -- a decade younger than her closest sibling in age --  puts her out of rhythm with everyone. I realized Christine's older nieces and nephews are my sister's age (she's 11 years younger than me), and Christine's eldest sister is nine years younger than my father. We haven't seen them in ages: not only is there the weird half generation off-step, but there is the division between her brother's clan of Campus Crusade, home-schooled kids and Christine's gender transition.

Dad's sweetheart Shirley came down with double pneumonia. He was planning on two weeks in Sicily with her in April but she won't be able to fly for a while. Dad's going to go for a shorter visit alone, a scouting trip, flying on (free) military standby flights. He talked so much about those military standby flights before Mom passed (and used them for travel at least once to California), i was surprised he got so caught up in dating locally. I thought he'd have a duffelbag packed and would be hanging out on bases around the world a year after Mom passed.

I've been OK but a little detached from the good energy i had a few weeks ago.  In a rare moment of paying attention to my mood, "sour" came to mind as appropriate for a mood I am assuming some amount of this is work, with a new team manager starting and preparation underway to double the team size with contractors. It's been a blur at work, with, perhaps last week as the end of my executive function. Also, stilt grass sprouting, other invasives shouting  their presence - sigh. I have negative self talk about my body, about so many other things. That slipped in and i suspect it's a big part of the sour moods.

I don't really remember the Mar 9-10 weekend -- i guess i was reading? (See previous entry.)  Last weekend (Mar 16-17) i did lots of yard work, aching after.  This weekend i've been going all sorts of directions, but i think i've made a little progress in all those.

Also, there was basketball, and my alma mater played well.  I've continued (re)reading: this past week through the first four of Nathan Lowell's "The golden age of the solar clipper" universe's "trader tales."

Since the 10th I've peopled a little more than usual: two zoom visits with friends and my sibling zoom visit today, my niece's theater production of "Freaky Friday",  memorial yesterday. I've been shopping: i bought a nifty gadget that is essentially a laptop without processor and memory: for that you plug in your phone. Android phones have a desktop mode and then this would make doing things on the phone (like during travel) easier.

I'm also thinking about the eclipse trip and spinning around my head with plans. Just went out to look at where i thought the camping equipment was, but it is incomplete. Fie. No idea where the other camping kitchen stuff would be in all the unpacked stuff.  I thought i'd lost the tiny burner of the small stove: turns out that it was in a pot. Christine says i can not bother to cancel the order for the second burner. A second burner could be nice given a power outage, assuming a second tank of fuel. I do know where the sleeping bags are, yay.

TimeAndDate.com has an excellent capability to provide hyperlocal timings for the eclipse stages https://www.timeanddate.com/eclipse/in/@38.773,-85.690?iso=20240408 documents the schedule for where  I'm going. (A bit on the edge of totality vacation, work

Quaker notes: I made it through the week with a Thursday evening given over for hours to writing up comments about the organizations' structure, naming the two persons who are difficult to work with. I posted it to people who i had asked for personal support, people with whom i was in discussion, and others involved with the business meetings.  I think i was fair.  On Friday evening i had a very long phone call with one person, and then found i had received a lovely supportive email from another.

Thursday there was yet more evidence of people who just aren't organized  -- which, you know, i am one of too - -showing up for a nonexistent meeting on Thursday night. I think one of the hard to work with people had triggered this by assuming there was a meeting.

But maybe they're not merely disorganized. Some aspect about this is that a number of us have email that gets flagged as spam, it seems. I am not sure i understand why. I've done what i could for my own domain name, and almost everyone else is a gmail account. I suppose some folks have very long signatures.... it's not a help when communication is fraught.

--== ∞ ==--

Yesterday i worked in the yard, clearing a thatch of stilt grass, pulling up honeysuckle and young autumn olive, and revealing ferns, moss, and some patches of a wild grass i like.  I think i could mow this area of stilt grass come fall: claiming one more stretch. I realize it's time to plant potatoes and the whole garden plot is still a thatch of stilt grass. I am glad i decided not to veggie garden so much this year.

--== ∞ ==--

Yesterday afternoon i read Children of Time by Adrian Tchaikovsky. I was struck by the four names that Tchaikovsky used over and over to identify the persons in the evolving species: Portia, Bianca, Fabian, and Viola.   I checked, and yes, they were names Shakespeare used. Viola is in the same play as Fabian; Fabian resonates with the plot for me. I understand the cycle of names starts with Portia for a different reason. It was hard to believe the names were coincidence, so i asked! And got a quick answer! "I was mostly guided by my subconscious after starting with Portia and deciding to pillage Shakespeare for names. Although Fabian has always been a favourite bit-part for me."

--== ∞ ==--

With a good time in the yard and then rest reading, i am hoping to get a bunch of little things done today - and to go through the 100 plus things on the todo list and purge/reschedule.

It's been 70 days since i recorded that i have a cough. I am so tired of it. I am trying to avoid predicting a future i cannot know: well,  i should not use the word "never". Instead, past performance indicates I am likely to get better.  And, it's plausible I will feel as fit as i did a year ago in the future. This is a flare, the nurse practitioner said, after i realized i could belly breathe with no coughs but if i breathed "deeply" with the top of my chest, woo, spasm away. This is typical, that laughing and talking and moving trigger coughs, she said. I knew it was a flare, i didn't doubt it is a flare, but it is nice to have confirmation. And she did blood draws to just make sure it wasn't something else like the respiratory whatsist

But no prednisone. Instead "Advair 500-50 Diskus", which  i was warned might be a fight with my insurer, but - HA- won't get that far because "Your Rx xxx4XXX is not available from the manufacturer. Please call 919-9XX-0XXX for next steps. "

And i should take the albuterol 3x a day.

Also, yay, antibiotics, which shocked me, but maybe i'm trusted to follow directions and finish the meds. I think this is so if any bacteria come along looking at my common cold ravaged immune system, they'll be slapped down before they can get a toe hold.

I've read a novel, the best way to keep me in my seat.   Jenny Schwartz's Astray, with four more to read. Amazon wants to sell me all of the rest at once, but that's a recipe for not getting any sleep.

I did start Edith Wharton's Ghosts, which were interesting but just not what i am (ever?) in the mood for. I couldn't quite understand the end of the one about the eyes, with odd feel of the Portrait of Dorian Grey about it.

Google just asked if i trusted them with my privacy. Hahahahahahaha. No. I compartmentalize to the best i can: i accept that they know my location. I should probably get back in the habit of using other search engines.

Yesterday i had planned on a rainy day and just puttering with the to do list, including days and days of backlogged rain gauge audio notes that need to be recorded. Instead, i read a collection of cozy fantasy short stories, and met many characters whose journeys i'd like to follow:

... our friends in Cozy Vales. This new shared world cozy fantasy project debuted their inaugural anthology on the last day of November. Winter Tales from Cozy Vales [a free ebook: https://books2read.com/cozyvales-anthology-1 ], and features nine snuggly short stories perfect for the season of snow and cocoa.

Unfortunately, not enough rain to really do anything about the drought. Today remains grey, but i remembered to sit in front of the bright light. Fingers crossed it will make a difference in bestirring myself.

I continue in this cycle of feeling crinkly and dissatisfied and frustrated since mid-early June -- essentially from the point when "I'm recovering from surgery" ceased being an explanation for anything. There have been many excuses, and on the whole i lean towards accepting that i was carrying things in emotional and social dimensions that limited my spoons in the take care of self and yard dimensions.

The video game distraction, though, is real. Squee! I admit that, having watched Christine work out how to solve various issues in Jedi Survivor, i have faith in some of the hand-eye coordination passages instead of having the "maybe there's something else i should be doing/have done." I've managed to complete some bits that got her stuck because i know it's just a matter of timing and coordination. I also began by helping her, noticing visual cues and calling them to her attention, including "There's another one behind you."

And i've been reading. Sunday i read three novels -- the Iroshi trilogy by Cary Osborne -- that bother me a bit with something stuck in my metaphorical mental teeth. I like the justification for swords in space: weapons that are going to puncture habitat and ship walls are problematic. The alien cause of telepathy powers is interesting, although the aliens really aren't so very alien. Maybe what bothers me is the narrative omission: once the main character trusts the aliens in the first book, there's a gap between books where the hard work of recruiting others to trust the aliens occurs? And maybe the universe building feels just a little sketchy? Again, a gap between the first and second books takes a "nobody" to a politically significant persona. It doesn't compare favorably to Arkady Martine's A memory called empire.

I had an interaction with Dad today that left me feeling fragile: i was doing my best to accommodate his sense of urgency to get rid of some stuff (by coming over and taking a look). I don't think he really heard my repeat of "earliest possible time" in the spirit it was said. I'm glad we rescheduled, but i'm a little resentful at the pressure (particularly since he had other plans for the evening and was trying to squeeze me in. I called my sister to vent, she reciprocated with frustration over Dad's recalcitrance in handling his hearing issues. I don't know how we're going to get him to deal with his hearing. He doesn't withdraw, nor does he continue as he was with assumptions and not listening, so all that's good. But the way he interrogates about the words he doesn't hear (generally, he wasn't expecting to hear the word and he knows he didn't hear it right) puts the other person as the one with the issue. The other person used a strange or surprising word. Or pronounced it oddly. Or whatever. He's not taking the responsibility still. SIGH.

Christine's elephants have been around off and on. [Here "elephants" derive from "elephant in the room" and refer to issues that are Christine's and not mine to share in a broad way. I stretch the metaphor.] My toes were trampled on once, and then the elephants caused a significant change of her plans to do something nice for herself. She's worked hard on her own, but she's been unhappy with how the ways she's coped constrained her. I've pointed out that maybe there were other solutions someone could help her with for ... a while now. But when the elephants stood on my toes, it reached the point of me saying she should go get help. The way the elephants changed her plans underscored the severity of the issue. She's off for an intake appointment after lots of back and forth about all the paperwork and documents she was asked to fill out before meeting the person. The first person she reached out to wouldn't budge -- although this maybe clinic staff enforcing a practice without asking higher ups about requirements.

One person told her that she had to sign things so they could contact insurance, which - NOT TRUE. HIPAA expressly allows patient information to flow to insurers. https://www.hhs.gov/hipaa/for-professionals/privacy/laws-regulations/index.html The second office seemed to be insisting and, after Christine let them know she'd be looking elsewhere, the admin checked with the clinic director who said only the consent to receive treatment was necessary. The director then entered into communication with Christine about the paperwork because they wanted to address any unclear terms. (Including screen grabs of their own documents?) The consent to receive treatment document ended with a sentence fragment.

Does no one but Christine and I read this stuff? Rhetorical. Sigh.

A friend wrote in a locked post that they were interested in "a more academic Bible study that wants to discuss colonialism and erasure." This sounded very interesting to me, and led me to poke around a bit. My path eventually led me to the work

Brett, Mark G. Decolonizing God: The Bible in the Tides of Empire. Sheffield Phoenix Press Ltd, 2008.

which arrived yesterday.

The colonialist experience closest to the author is that of Australia, and so there are some interesting elements to the book for an American reader -- it's still Anglocentric but has the breadth of the British Empire's many colonies, as opposed to American focus on Native Americans (and a blind eye to our Pacific colonies, maybe a footnote about Hawaiʻi). I will admit a mental block on references to the Dutch (New York, yes, but?) until hit over the head with the Afrikaners.

Chapter 1 provides the overview of Biblical defenses of colonization, but my take away is that there were other defenses as well. Sepúlveda's arguments seem more (in Brett's presentation) about asserting that the American natives were lesser, and natural law (citing pre-Christian classical Aristotle) says the greater rule the lesser. (Insert all the problematic greater and lesser, and a comparison of monkeys and men preceding Darwin. This has led me on a chase to understand how humans and other primates were understood pre-Darwin. https://journals.openedition.org/apparences/1283 is useful at the paragraph that begins "To provide a brief recap." It's hard to read

> Early Christianity, however, sharply separated humans and animals, viewing animals primarily as property or food rather than exemplars, and introducing laws prohibiting bestiality.

understand whether "Early Christianity" refers to some biblically based theology or to the cultural tendency at the time.

I do find this - https://digressionsnimpressions.typepad.com/digressionsimpressions/2020/03/on-the-suspect-origins-of-humanitarian-war-.html - to be a little more helpful in understanding Sepúlveda's arguments.

Brett notes John Locke's principle of Terra Nullius, explained by Cory Doctorow in Locus:

In 1660, John Locke published his Two Treatises of Government, where he set out to resolve the seeming conflict between individual property rights (which he valorized) and the Bible (ditto), which set out the principle that God had created the Earth and its bounty for all of humanity. How could a Christian claim to own something personally when God had intended for everyone to share in His creation?

Locke’s answer was the “labor theory of property”: private property is the result of a human taking an unclaimed piece of the common property of humanity and mixing it with their labor (each human owns their body and thus the labor of that body), creating a property cocktail: one part unimproved nature, one part human sweat of the brow, mix well and serve in perpetuity.

With land, the “labor theory of property” has been applied as "agricultural use." Interestingly, sometime between 1841 to 1856 David Livingstone noted that the idea of Terra Nullius as agricultural improvement might have some issues:

... the doctrine has rather a wide application. It would strip Earl Grey of his broad acres around Alnwick Castle as well as Sandillah [Sandile] of the gorges and blood-stained valleys of the Amatola. It would place in the very same category the English and Irish landlords who evict their tenantry in order to form deer-parks, and the Bushmen who endeavour to perpetuate a wilderness with their poisoned arrows. (Schapera (ed.), David Livingstone South African Papers, p. 76. )

Chapter 2 is interesting, but i have gone down far too many rabbit holes today and need to sign off.

So i've had a miserable cold, with a sore throat as i was leaving California progressing through the common cold sequence and i am now left with the chest congestion: it's been on an upward trend since Thursday. Christine caught it from me, i'm pretty sure, and it hit her harder, but she's recovering faster. She did rest. I worked through the week, and the work was intense with several late evenings.

My lunchtime breaks where i would pick food from the garden were my daily highlights.

Yesterday afternoon i read Adrian Tchaikovsky's Shards of Earth, the "The Final Architecture" series. I was feeling guilty about loosing what was left of a pretty day to distraction until just moments ago when i realized I really should have rested more to let my body recover. I feel like i saw a recommendation for it, but i can't find it. I appreciated the universe building and history. Two of the main characters are veterans of a devastating war with super powerful and enigmatic planet destroyers. The war was two generations ago but, for different reasons, they both appear as they did then. I have a little itch about the character who slept for much of the fifty years and her ease of moving through the worlds: perhaps it's because the last fifty years have brought such technological and cultural change that it's hard to believe that the fictional fifty years did not bring similar discombobulation? But other than that, i did enjoy the read.

Gardening wise, I did get a dose of nematodes, Steinernema carpocapsae, out in the plot to fight wireworm. No nematodes for book worms, please!