(no subject)

joedecker has written about the invasive, punishing patdowns being done to travelers who refuse the invasive backscatter scanners. With Christine traveling, i'm worried, and this morning the worry has gotten out of hand. I wish i could trust that TSA would be well educated about the varieties of bodies and would be able to treat everyone with dignity and preserve their privacy, but ... exhale. Worry.

Christine writes, "I'm glad to know about these possibilities, but I'm not going to fear or worry about them. I am OK with who I am before and after surgery.... I am real. Deal with it!"

I hate to think how worked up i had apparently gotten. I think i've always wanted to protect Christine from folk who might not treat her with dignity, and i forget how strong a person she is.

--==∞==--

Meanwhile, i am developing a wish list of "nice to haves" that surprises me. I want a Saris Bones 805 2-Bike Trunk Mount Rack, a Xootr Mg, and Freedom Pro Bluetooth Keyboard. The temptation to just order it all sits there, an unfamiliar companion. Usually if somethings over $20 i hem and haw over ordering it until a long digestion takes place. But i really miss the bike rack, and who knows, maybe a bike rack would make commuting by bike more appealing (in that it would be easier for Christine to rescue me if she had the car). Right now i have a mental stop about commuting by bike, and that's why i want the Xooter. And i suck at typing on my phone, and that's why i want the keyboard.

I suppose January 1 and the change in my commute options is fast approaching.

--==∞==--

I really don't want to eat the last of my sardine pie. I'm not quite sure what is such a turn off. I think the great big beef steak tomatoes really aren't that delectable cooked, and there's something harsh about the onion. The sardines are, surprisingly to me, not the concern.
( day notes in possibly tedious detail )

I tried watching The Fountainhead (Gary Cooper as Howard Roark), but i was apparently far more tolerant of wooden dialogue when i was a teen than i am now. I had a brief fling as an Ayn Rand fan as a senior in high school. Youthful indiscretion, i'd claim now. I gave up when Dominique appears at the quarry, knowing i couldn't stand to see the bizzarre presentation of the romantic relationship begin.

Then i tried watching Constantine, which i think i had seen before. Sigh. Not really what i wanted. I was back in Portwynn for Doc Martin for a little more of the evening.

I did up a toe and had it shaped wrong, frogged it, and did up the toe again.

Now to get off to work.

(no subject)

Sobbing breakdown again as i ready to leave the house.

I wish i knew what could help. Would calling in sick help? I doubt it. At least by going to work i'm confronting a big chunk of my overwhelming responsibilities. I will see friends at lunch. I don't know how helpful that is but i will do my damnedest to leave myself open for their love. I see my therapist at 4:30. I have oversight at 7. Oversight might be hard - there are some responsibilities about people there - but then there are people who love me there too. And i should leave myself open for their love.

Mr M snuggled me a little as i cried.

I'm taking 2 aleve and eating before i get in the car.

(no subject)

Oversight took three hours tonight and i'm beat.

I wanted to thank folks for the hugs today, though. It was a rough morning and i leaned on a lot of people all day. I'm glad you were there.