elainegrey (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
elainegrey) wrote2020-11-03 07:31 am
elainegrey) wrote2020-11-03 07:31 am
Entry tags:
depression, goals
[Sunrise] It's so tempting to list excuses. The culture shock of the move (HB2 and the election). The buck that tangled with the car. 2017 and adjusting to a Trump presidency. 2018 i was getting over all that and went off my SSRI. Then Mom had her stroke. 2019 was adjusting to Mom's stroke. And i don't know what tipped me into such depression after coming back from travel in 2019….
[Midmorning] I felt unmotivated yesterday[Sunday], certainly partly due to forgetting my antidepressant, but also the cold grey rain had an effect. I felt stupid — i’d bought a book i had already read on another platform, disappointed — a Saturday task was aborted when the chipper wouldn’t start, tired — when my alarm went off i felt denied the "extra hour" of sleep from the time shift, and just plain OLD. This morning with the the bright sun in the crisp air (no frost!), my antidepressant in my blood stream, and awakening before my alarm, i feel empowered to set new goals, act as the Winter Nights — last night with moon and wind and stars and chill felt so clearly the first night of winter — is a time to begin some re-dedication -- to my self and perhaps to greater beings.
{Late afternoon] ZZZZ...
[Midmorning] I felt unmotivated yesterday[Sunday], certainly partly due to forgetting my antidepressant, but also the cold grey rain had an effect. I felt stupid — i’d bought a book i had already read on another platform, disappointed — a Saturday task was aborted when the chipper wouldn’t start, tired — when my alarm went off i felt denied the "extra hour" of sleep from the time shift, and just plain OLD. This morning with the the bright sun in the crisp air (no frost!), my antidepressant in my blood stream, and awakening before my alarm, i feel empowered to set new goals, act as the Winter Nights — last night with moon and wind and stars and chill felt so clearly the first night of winter — is a time to begin some re-dedication -- to my self and perhaps to greater beings.
{Late afternoon] ZZZZ...
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Hgus.
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If I think back, almost every year has had... something. Not necessarily as huge as the recent things you've been living with, but having the motivation to do more than get through it in day-to-day mental survival mode can be really hard.
Re-dedication, yes. Every day is a new start, but goals are so hard for me.
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