elainegrey (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
elainegrey) wrote2010-01-25 06:34 am
elainegrey) wrote2010-01-25 06:34 am
(no subject)
Yesterday morning there was no hot water, and it was back in the evening. As i washed my face with a steaming washcloth i was so thankful and then thankful for the slight discomfort in the morning which made me more conscious of the daily pleasure.
How can i bring such pleasure and joy to my awareness more often? (While the hot water outage wasn't much of an inconvenience for me, my neighbor was put out by it.)
There was a little ministry yesterday about being joyful. As i (hopefully) loose attachment to the things that make me worry, giving me more energy to engage -- will i be able to feel more joy?
***
Despite continuing respiratory unpleasantness, i felt a few small bursts of energy yesterday. In the late afternoon i stood on our horribly messy deck eating a kiwi. Bird seed hasn't been cleaned up in months, perhaps not since going to NC. We had had a freeze right when we got back, and all the plants were moved from their arrangement to in under the eves. Since then, they've just been moved to where they can catch rain, but not set back.
I found myself moved to shoveling up some of the bird seed, finding that some drifts of it had become worm habitat. That was returned to the worm bin with many many earthworms: i foresee rich soil with a rich crop of bird seed weeds when the worms are done. All these earthworms from the few Christine and i collected from the street in February of 2005. The niger seed (shells, mostly, i hope) do not seem so hospitable and that mess was dumped in a trash bag. I dumped out standing water, and worried about the noxious drainage to our neighbors downstairs. I'm not sure how to handle cleaning without draining down.
It was good to do something, good to only do a small part of what needed to be done and not get overwhelmed.
I also made the near rye bread (notes in my grey cat blog), got the roomba going, and also used the vacuum to help. The cats track in the gunk from the deck, including wet birdseed, and it's a challenge for the roomba.
***
Respiratory unpleasantness continues. I wonder at a low grade sinus infection? When did i write the doctor? Two weeks ago. Looks like i was complaining about the productive cough. This is not the issue now: it's definitely my sinuses (which were very uncomfortable a week ago).
I will have been sick a month tomorrow.
Otherwise, only one small canker that is not causing malaise, most of my skin is in very good shape*. My digestive system continues to be erratic but not as often in the extremes of discomfort. It's just this respiratory stuff that's bugging me now.
* zone A hardly bothersome, wore my wedding ring all last week with no effect, the left shin zone is now only a few shades darker and has been healing for weeks, scalp not particularly bothersome, elbows look great. Only my right wrist near the base of my thumb have active blistering and itching. HOORAH!
***
I dreamt something about a pair of birds last night -- that's the only fragment i have. Rereading my January 2009 journal, i remember trying to do more dream logging, but over that month i never got anything out of trying to remember my dreams that made the practice worth while. What is worth while is spending time focussing on breath in while the kettle comes to a boil.
So, this year i think part of the key is collecting the clues and making sure they're where i can easily revisit them several times in the year.
My overall goal remains unchanged: I want to be more resilient, physically and emotionally. I find myself flashing across financial worries: emotional and physical resilience are entwined with the financial status of the household. I remind myself that we are responsibly saving towards the distant future, and being able to keep working between now and then is "the plan."
How can i bring such pleasure and joy to my awareness more often? (While the hot water outage wasn't much of an inconvenience for me, my neighbor was put out by it.)
There was a little ministry yesterday about being joyful. As i (hopefully) loose attachment to the things that make me worry, giving me more energy to engage -- will i be able to feel more joy?
***
Despite continuing respiratory unpleasantness, i felt a few small bursts of energy yesterday. In the late afternoon i stood on our horribly messy deck eating a kiwi. Bird seed hasn't been cleaned up in months, perhaps not since going to NC. We had had a freeze right when we got back, and all the plants were moved from their arrangement to in under the eves. Since then, they've just been moved to where they can catch rain, but not set back.
I found myself moved to shoveling up some of the bird seed, finding that some drifts of it had become worm habitat. That was returned to the worm bin with many many earthworms: i foresee rich soil with a rich crop of bird seed weeds when the worms are done. All these earthworms from the few Christine and i collected from the street in February of 2005. The niger seed (shells, mostly, i hope) do not seem so hospitable and that mess was dumped in a trash bag. I dumped out standing water, and worried about the noxious drainage to our neighbors downstairs. I'm not sure how to handle cleaning without draining down.
It was good to do something, good to only do a small part of what needed to be done and not get overwhelmed.
I also made the near rye bread (notes in my grey cat blog), got the roomba going, and also used the vacuum to help. The cats track in the gunk from the deck, including wet birdseed, and it's a challenge for the roomba.
***
Respiratory unpleasantness continues. I wonder at a low grade sinus infection? When did i write the doctor? Two weeks ago. Looks like i was complaining about the productive cough. This is not the issue now: it's definitely my sinuses (which were very uncomfortable a week ago).
I will have been sick a month tomorrow.
Otherwise, only one small canker that is not causing malaise, most of my skin is in very good shape*. My digestive system continues to be erratic but not as often in the extremes of discomfort. It's just this respiratory stuff that's bugging me now.
* zone A hardly bothersome, wore my wedding ring all last week with no effect, the left shin zone is now only a few shades darker and has been healing for weeks, scalp not particularly bothersome, elbows look great. Only my right wrist near the base of my thumb have active blistering and itching. HOORAH!
***
I dreamt something about a pair of birds last night -- that's the only fragment i have. Rereading my January 2009 journal, i remember trying to do more dream logging, but over that month i never got anything out of trying to remember my dreams that made the practice worth while. What is worth while is spending time focussing on breath in while the kettle comes to a boil.
So, this year i think part of the key is collecting the clues and making sure they're where i can easily revisit them several times in the year.
My overall goal remains unchanged: I want to be more resilient, physically and emotionally. I find myself flashing across financial worries: emotional and physical resilience are entwined with the financial status of the household. I remind myself that we are responsibly saving towards the distant future, and being able to keep working between now and then is "the plan."