elainegrey

I probably get to go home tomorrow -- sorry if silence was worrisome. Thank you for all your support and care.

The schedule for med delivery had me with interrupted sleep all Friday night as every hour or so bottles had to be changed and vitals checked until 5 am. Saturday the treatment started earlier and was done by 1 am. I have had to be very careful about the IV port in the crook of my elbow -- partly because it was oozing blood because of the low platelets, partly just to keep it working, and it is a little uncomfortable, typing hasn't been easy. But the last infusion finished in the early evening today ,and i just need one more dose of steroid pushed through and then the port will be removed: yippee. Lemme type.

I have also had family visits. My sister and dad stayed with me once i arrived at Chapel Hill until Christine came in the evening.  On Saturday I was so glad i was not tied down with tubes  when my sister in law visited. They have now announced that B-- may only have weeks to live, and it was good to hug her and hold her hand. My sister and niece gave me a lovely visit today, in happy Easter vibes. My dad has visited every day, and Christine as well. My nephew W-- was apologizing he couldn't visit and i told him i would listen to his winter concert again. It was lovely and i am loved, but my computer didn't get my attention. (And it if it did i was reading my chart and researching drugs.)

--== ∞ ==--

On Saturday morning i got a little more clarity about the initial reading: the number of platelets was under the threshold of 3k platelets per unit -- the limit of the lab equipment's capability to count. Depending on your communication style, apparently, one person said 2k (per some unit, which is under 3k) and the ER doctor at the county hospital was "not detectable." And i've grown more appreciative of the risk of a brain bleed at those numbers, although i think the ER doctor would have had is own anxiety driven aneurysm if he realized how many potholes were in the roads between the Siler City and Chapel Hill. I had a cat scan because i had a slight headache.

It's so weird. I don't feel like a fragile china cup.

"When the count drops below 50,000, bleeding can occur more easily after injuries, and counts below 20,000 can lead to spontaneous bleeding" This morning's read was above 20k, they seem willing to let me go above 30k

--== ∞ ==--

I had a new treatment today, Rituximab, which may help me not have another drop for a longer time. Optimistically, from the doctor, there have been patients who reportedly have gone for five years without a relapse. Stats aren't quite as optimistic, but i am grateful that in the past 15 years it seems this treatment has moved from what they fall back to if the splenectomy fails, to use as soon as the second drop

I probably still have a hard time appreciating the spontaneous bleeding risk.

--== ∞ ==--

It's surely been difficult for Christine to have two absences at home. I have a lifelike stuffed toy cat with me, so nurses and nurses assistants have asked if i have cats and i have finally learned to say "two" and not tear up. But i know i will have more tears to cry. I know i cry about Greycie Loo out of the blue still, because we thought we had so much time to still have with her, and the cancer took her so quickly. Luigi has been so fragile-seeming for the past few years - i suppose i expected him to die in his sleep. To have him loose his legs like Greycie Loo did, to have him so bravely try to drag himself to the bathroom, for him to not be distressed but relatively composed, oh sweet old man cat.

--== ∞ ==--

I understand tomorrow will be hurry up and wait as discharge churns through paperwork. I'll have a last dose of steroids so will have this energy boost to get me home. Then i know i will crash on Tuesday. I am not looking forward to work on Wednesday. I hope i'll have recovered from the steroid crash by then.

Health: platelets back up on Monday and i think i was feeling better on Sunday. Spent some time looking for details on measurement uncertainties and natural variation in platelet counts.  I suspect if one knew the equipment that was being used there would be reference material, but there's no rule of thumb. Using some possibly unreliable numbers i found, i have established a range of normal for me that includes both my variation of numbers in the normal range and the measurement uncertainty. Ups and downs within that range i should consider as noise, not trend.  I did have a drop the previous week, and i think i did sense that in my body.

Feline health: this weekend was punctuated by Edward being sick with unpleasant fluids in many unexpected places around the house. Christine thinks she saw him hunt and catch something Thursday afternoon; perhaps that was a cause. This afternoon he seems to be getting better.

Luigi is even less mobile than he has been. He is enjoying some time on the deck in the sun (and pollen). We wonder if he is in discomfort or pain and when we should let him go. I think he's still OK, but there is something even more aged about him. He is getting matted but distressing him and triggering his breathing difficulties seems wrong at this point.

--== ∞ ==--

Work:  hyperfocusing on learning the OpenID Federation specification and the draft profile for higher ed, plus playing out the spec in a toy universe i created. I sure hope it can be as useful for others as it was for me because i sunk a great deal into it.

Escape/reading:  i spent the week very focused at work and very much escaping into Elizabeth Moon's Paladin’s Legacy series. One issue was that the books didn't really end, but just were continued in the next volume, so my hyperfocus tendencies really really wanted back in the story because there wasn't a strong done signal.

Even now, with some bits tied off, there clearly are narrative arcs ready to keep going. (Finds blog, finds title of a book sent to the editor, recognizes one thread that seemed ready for a book, drums fingers wondering when it will be published.) I am very tempted to read again: i know i skim parts wanting to get to the next plot bit. Rereading i will likely visualize more. Probably could study the maps better.

I found the theology and religion in the books interesting. SPOILER: part of the story has young people suddenly showing a capability that had been labeled as evil, discovery of writings from the time of one of the more politically established saint/gods showing the saint/god's compassion and that the capability itself was never one that the saint/god condemned. The magery feels very much like a metaphor for how visible trans youth became in the past few decades. I think this was in the... fourth book? Written a decade ago.

--== ∞ ==--

So, i've been ignoring spring, sorta. Did see fireflies the past three nights. (https://www.backyardecology.net/spring-treetop-flasher-our-first-firefly-species-of-the-season/)

Made third batch of seed crackers.

Had lunch with nephew down from NYU, lovely.

Went out on boat with Dad. Dad headed it into a huge flock (raft?) of cormorants. He wasn't wearing his hearing aid and could not hear me asking him, telling him to stop. He clearly wanted to get a video of the birds in flight. He sent some of them up, and i finally yelled stop loud enough to keep him from disturbing all of them. I was steamed. "But other boats speed through them." I growled a standard "just because everyone else" response and asked him if he wanted people driving through his bedroom. When he complained to my sister she informed (reminded?) him of the definition of harassing wildlife.

He posted his video on line -- and then heard me. Sigh.

Birthday breakfast out with my sister and dad (it's his birthday, too). L pressed dad to stop his "George Will" "make people think" facebook posts and asked him to share his authentic truth that he has family members that the ... i have no words for this, slow coup?  ... is hurting. L was in a place of Not Tolerating Right Wing People, Dad wants to save them. To try and change subject, L shifted to asking about having an estate sale of family stuff, which led Dad through one of his well trod rumination paths. He asserted we didn't know what it was like, looking forward not to a milestone of triumph but to the long decline of aging. As i wrestle with my fears -- how much yard can i care for with the exhaustion and fatigue i had last fall showing up again? Remembering how the exhaustion last fall was making me think about retirement, remembering how just a few weeks ago that seemed so silly as i fell vital again -- Pfft, Dad, you've put off facing the reality. And, i'm pretty sure he's just going to continue putting off making decisions.

My sister let him know we'd be there to make decisions for him when it was time. Which, threat? promise?

When we went back to politics, we all were blunt about our fears. Dad thinks the country is about to fall apart. He's afraid for us all: i gave him grits for his birthday. We'll need grit to get through.

Aren't we lovely people to celebrate birthdays with! It sounds terrible, but it was authentic and honest talking between us, which may not be civilized, but it was connecting.

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A little sliver of moon, low in the south east, gleamed in the brightening sky this morning.

--== ∞ ==--

Yesterday i was out of it, having had a very poor night's sleep. The two nights previous my watch was yelling about my heart rate variability being too high - it's possible i was having CPAP mask/apenea events. Saturday morning i woke 3 am-ish breathing hard and fast. It took a long time to get back to a regular breathing. I guess i didn't do the saline nasal rinse too many days in a row.

My cough was back a little yesterday, which maybe is the poor breathing?

The freaking spots are back, too. I probably should have immediately gone for a blood draw (but it would have had to have been to a hospital); i'm trying to decide if i should go this morning (ugh) or wait until tomorrow morning. Good news is i have a hematologist visit in early March.

--== ∞ ==--

Now that i have a working python/Jupyter Notebook environment back, i want to try and get some better skills with Python's data analysis.

Dad comments that he's an Eisenhower Republican, and i roll my eyes thinking how long ago that was meaningful. I was wondering though how Eisenhower fit in his and my lifetime. I knew "before i was born" but that wasn't informative, so i made a timeline. Interestingly his experience of Eisenhower relative to his age, is similar to my experience of Reagan. Both were presidents before we could vote, serving two terms, and our first presidential election was for the president in the following term. Intriguingly, the current most populous birth year in the US is around 1991. And in a similar way, the George W years followed for them. So, how do i frame for Dad what it might be like for them if they were to imagine thinking back to Eisenhower: apparently it would be for him to think back to Taft.

Knowing Dad's born before the boomers, and i'm on the downward birth rate slope of Gen X, neither of us is very representative of the larger cohort of voting age Americans.

(Apparently Millennials outnumbered Boomers in 2020, per Pew, and Gen X will out number Boomers in 2028.  I do have the Gen X bitterness about Other Generations. Although an advert came on recently and i was stunned because it was for ME, an ad for my age cohort! I can't remember it, but i remember the jaw drop.)

https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2020/04/28/millennials-overtake-baby-boomers-as-americas-largest-generation/

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/board-games-and-firepits-senior-communities-are-pulling-out-all-the-stops-to-lure-generation-x-heres-why-2d2a31fb

"Gen X members are projected to outnumber boomers starting in 2028, when they will number 63.9 million, while there will be 62.9 million boomers, according to the Pew Research Center."

--== ∞ ==--

Still trying to get to previous comments (as well as the email that sort of jammed up my effort to respond promptly).

No spots and bruising, no storm damage here.

I watched (skimmed) some press conferences Sunday evening  - one from a hard hit Tennessee county, one from the NC governor. I now have the cheerful thought of propane tanks floating down the French Broad River.

While the Red Cross is probably a good place to donate, i've run across a few others:

This org https://mountainprojects.org/ was suggested by Blue Ridge Public radio. They have an unrestricted emergency fund that they use for responding to individual needs in normal times. The run some really good projects, it appears. I feel like a smaller monthly donation to the emergency fund might be one way i can address what i suspect with be years long recovery. I keep thinking of drives in the Blue Ridge, and all i see in my mind's eye are the little valleys, flat bottom flood plains, filled with barns and farms, crossroad stores, and lovely little babbling brooks. And there's a reason those flood plains are flat.

The WNC Regional Livestock Center facebook page has folks asking for help. One place that caught my eye is https://www.misfitmountainnc.org/ : "Misfit Mountain is a foster-based animal rescue in the Greater Asheville area helping dogs, cats, pigs, chickens, and small animals find their forever home."  They point to another shelter in need: https://www.bwar.org/

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Feeling appreciative of the weather change that made for getting things done in the yard Sunday and Monday evening pleasant.  Leaves are changing in hints here and there, mostly on the early trees of elm, tulip poplar, and cherry. The black cherry and elm just drop their leaves -- the tree still seems green but underneath is brown leaf fall. Tulip poplar leaves -- which have just barely started -- do spot the tree yellow, but in exchange they are almost black under the tree. Driving through the area i can see the shift in the green, hinting at colors underneath.

Mornings are darker and darker. This morning i observed a sparkling of stars against the sky, mistook Aldebaran (+0.85) for Mars (+0.6) near shining Jupiter (–2.3). Bright Capella (+0.08) stood out as well.

Stellar brightness is on an counter-intuitive scale where a smaller (negative) number is brighter.

Saturday we observed my Mom's birthday and i ran errands. i was surprisingly exhausted at the end, but the wheeled string trimmer will now start.

My bicycle is now home, with a new tire and tube on the back that will presumably be quieter and more efficient on the trainer, and a solid foam tube replacement on the front, to minimize having to pump it up. Also new grips, as the others had degraded rubber.

I made spiced apple fig jam on Sunday, steam canned it, and all the lids took! I wiped the edges this time instead of just trusting i had kept them clean, so that helped. I actually have a nice stash of canned foods for gifts this year. Did i cook the jam too long and it's going to be a solid gummy lump? I'll open our jar before i give it all away.

Work is overwhelming with context switching and never any time to follow up. Last night i worked late to prepare for an interview for a peer role today. I'm feeling very insecure about pressures on me to carry a software engineer's knowledge -- what i was cramming last night -- but that's not where my focus has been. I don't think i need to worry about not being appreciated, but yeah, i worry about expectations from our new exec directory & director management layers. They haven't shown themselves well in some other contexts.

Luigi, one of our two older ex-Tom cats, is peeing in the bedroom bathroom very frequently, matching his drinking. He's arthritic and i suspect he knows he can make it to the shower stall. This morning he didn't quite. It's a tile floor, a hard surface. Not the bed! And he is the sweetest, most companionable soul. We'll clean up pee forever if he is otherwise willing to stay with us.He joins me on the lounge in the morning, and sits between Christine and i on the couch at lunch and in the evening. Christine says he's calling her to sit outside with him now during the day. He's getting multiple treatments for the arthritis and Christine will continue pursuit of the borderline... thyroid thingy? It's the one where the cat gets radiology and then has to stay in isolation for a few weeks. Christine is indignant that he was turned down for treatment, but i don't think she's thought through the isolation that comes with the treatment.

We have a fencing contractor who has shown up to look at the work now, and seems likely to provide an estimate - -two, in fact. One might be with cheaper galvanized wire which -- sure! As long as the mesh size is small enough, we are game. If we hate it, there's [a very limited number of latex acrylic] spray paint.

For the petechiae and bruising, I go for more blood tests today, and i think my doctor will be referring me to a hematologist or dermatologist. I'm hoping for hematology because the optometrist noticed a blood vessel that had broken (nothing to worry about, you probably lifted something) so the capillary breaking isn't just the skin. On the other hand, WTF Buttercup with the waves of petechiae and bruises? Rhetorical question that. I am minimizing non direct doctor reading about this ... ah, fiddlesticks, went and did more reading. "The clinical approach to these disorders rests upon an astute clinician considering the diagnosis and identifying the specific patterns of clinical, radiologic, laboratory, and pathologic abnormalities." Stop reading!

A hawk cried across the sky, screamed from the western pine snag, and has moved along. The crow calls have stopped as well, so i suppose they were threatening to harass it.

It is in the mid 60s (°F) outside and the nearest dogwood is fluorescing red as the green fades. It arches over the yellow of the cutleaf coneflower. I can't smell the figs this morning, but there are so many and I am so behind. The hornets cut through some of the organza bags, so i used the bags less, a bit. I can see, though, that the bags helped with fruit flies. It's just so slow to put on the bags, and so many figs to pick.

I made and had a 5 jar out of 9 success in canning the following sauce recipe on Saturday, and have a couple more quart jars of the dried figs. (More raisin-tender than the rocks I made when i was terrified of moisture.) I fermented some puree that i used to replace water in my buckwheat bread recipe after seeing recipes for fermented fig butter. Those recipes called for adding kvass, which sounds like essentially lightly fermented fruit jusice. Since the figs are fermenting fine, i didn't bother. I wonder though what the bright ruby juice that separates from the solids tastes like. I wonder lots of things but i also wonder if i have the time to experiment.

A reliable fig apple jam recipe for canning is surprisingly hard to come by. I shall wing it this week.

I had some self critical spirals that may be entwined with worrying about how i am bruising and developing petechiae. (From falling down and scraping up my arm and legs? No bruises from that. Tapping my chin on the ladder? A big black bruise on my chin.) I'm feeling a little better We had a short notice gathering with my sister and her family last night to celebrate their eldest who moves into his dorms at NYU on Saturday. He is such a great kid, er, young man. I love listening to him and Christine talk.

I've bought some seaweed foraged in Maine: Irish Moss, "Kombu" (given as Laminaria digitata so an Atlantic species), and a Soup Mix - "Wakame" (Alaria esculenta), Sugar Kelp (Saccharina latissima), "Kombu" (Laminaria digitata). Saccharina latissima ios also known as Kombu

--== ∞ ==--

My idiosyncratic recipe development where i am trying to figure out how much of each recipe quality is needed so i can substitute and riff away, and also guestimate the quantity.

Aromatics & Spices (~ 0.5 cup)

*

1/4 cup olive oil

*

1/2 - 1/3 cup fresh alliums (onions, garlic) Using *my walking onion
tops* and bottoms

*

1 tbsp peeled and chopped ginger

*

/HEAT 7 tsp/

  o

    1 tablespoon smoked paprika

  o

    1 tbsp (1 dried pepper) ancho/poblano (/If using whole peppers,
    bloom with  onions)/

  o

    /2024-08-17: used two of my 2022 cayenne peppers during the
    onion stage. Noticeable heat!/

  o

    1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper /2024-08-17 used up the
    last of the white pepper. Meh. Had to add black pepper later./

*

Ground spices

  o

    2 teaspoons ground **my *coriander
    *

  o

    1 teaspoon ground cumin

  o

    1/2 teaspoon ground allspice /2024-08-17  used clove/

*

Umami

  o

    1 tbsp nutritional yeast

*

/2024-08-17: two eights of a preserved lime - So! Much! Salt!/

1.

Grind coriander seed.

2.

Measure spices into bowl

3.

Prep onions and ginger

4.

Heat oil in pan, add alliums, soften

5.

Bloom spices

6.

Add umami (and preserved lime)

FIGS

Two quart jars of very ripe figs ~ 3 - 4 cups as fig puree. Used 2.25 cooked ripe figs and pureed another quart jar with very ripe figs

ACID

2 3/4 cups of spiced and sweetened apple cider vinegar. /2024-08-17 left over from making spiced pickled apples. Had a 1:3 or 1:4 ratio with brown sugar. /

Mustard (or 1 cup Dijon)

*

2/3 c water in bowl

*

1/3 c yellow mustard powder

*

1/3 c distilled vinegar

1.

Assemble 15 min timer, whisk, measured water in vessel > 1 cup,
distilled vinegar, mustard powder, 1/3 c measure.

2.

Add powder, set timer for 5 - 15 min, measure vinegar /2024-08-17 10
minutes was not too much of a kick/

3.

At timer, add vinegar to stop heat development

1. Add fig puree and vinegar

Final adjustments //

/Added black pepper , 2024-08-18/

*

1 tablespoon kosher salt

*

additional vinegar

• Processing *

Simmer until thick enough, well over 30 min, dropping a noticeable amount in the pot.

15 min water/steam processing of 8 4 oz jars and one pint, plus about 8 oz un-canned.  (~56 fluid oz)

This morning, after sneezing so many times and my eyes are watering ...

i'm sneezing like, like.... what sneezes so much? A woman with allergies and three cats and a dog and a dusty house? And, ah-ha! Who forgot her antihistamine last night.

We've  ordered three new air purifiers. I think it's overkill but Christine was in a mood to throw technology at issues, i guess. We have one that's well over ten years old running in the room with the litter box: Christine plans to keep that going, although i wonder if it's worth doing so. (Whether the effectiveness and energy efficiency i far superior now) We'll add one that will be near the main air exchange intake, reasonably close to room with the litter box and where it can address the main living area. Then a smaller one for the bedroom (where Carrie and i both sleep) and the front room (where Carrie and i both spend much of the day).

The reviews stressed how energy efficient all these are. I thought briefly about wondering whether we should just get a whole house purifier to go with a whole house dehumidifier, but i'm not really clear on how a whole house purifier differs from the filters on the HVAC as it is. Presumably more power to cycle the air and more frequency?   The whole house dehumidifier would benefit from sharing some logic with the heat pump in the summer: cooling pulls out a good bit of the humidity. When it's really hot we don't need to run the dehumidifier because the cooling takes care of it. When it's not, all of us breathing increases the humidity

I know we need to get a good shop vac to clean out our vents someday. The initial shop vac purchase turned out to be a bust.  Hmm, [researches shop vacs, makes two to-dos]. [...And then the  third to actually do the vents]

Apparently quoting a lawsuit is a quick way to have an a&tt forum post restricted. Yesterday our DSL, phoneline, cell data, and cell service all went down. I was VERY frustrated, because the amount of cell service we consume is small -- we use the house wifi for everything -- but we want it there when we need it. I wanted to know if the AT&T outage was due to Brightspeed (previously Lucent) and quoted part of a lawsuit i'd found searching on both parties. This morning the post is 404'd. But a Nextdoor post had a neighbor commenting that not only had she lost Brightspeed and AT&T but also Verizon.

I would love to know who cut what wire.

In good news, brother in law B-- got an early surgery ablation and should be able to go home "soon". This was during the outage so it was particularly nerve wracking but sister in law D-- was online at chatty when access came back at 9:30 pm and could share happy updates.

Less coughing (while i was offline?) yesterday. YAY!

I just bought from Old House Gardens' end of season sale - https://oldhousegardens.com/ - edible flowers (and vegetable parts) for the garden plot.

Rosalind is a selection of the the H fulva var rosa daylily. I doubt it will be much more red than the double selection "Kwanzo" but i fantasize about having the different colors in salads.

And then i bought two dahlias: Thomas Edison, known to have tasty tubers, and Wisconsin Red (dated from 1910). I'm hoping Wisconsin red, being a less manipulated plant, might have tasty tubers, too.

--== ∞ ==--

Christine had an investment opportunity to discuss yesterday. I asked not about the target itself but how the investment would be handled. She was excited about the opportunity and my questions made her prickle a little. I felt mean for poking at the detail, but id led her to research the third party and it became clear that what one was doing was paying into a pool at party A that would invest in party B. Which is the only way i can think of this really working, and my question was how trustworthy was party A. But it was enough for Christine that party A was involved. I thought party A looked like they had a reasonable track record of existence and might not close up, but the site for the FAQ had a bad TLS certificate and my browser wouldn't let me reach it -- so side eye. We passed on this investment.

--== ∞ ==--

I can't stand the feeling in my chest so i am coughing and clearing my throat.

I had a cold last week with lots of drainage. I have been trying to follow the ENT's advice not to clear my throat or let myself cough but unfortunately went on a walk near a fire on Sunday and the lung irritation is setting in.

I ate cough drops yesterday. Is there a cough suppressant that is OK with wellbutrin? I find cough suppressants creepy and have avoided them for decades. Perhaps they won't leave me feeling weird now. My message to my primary care provider (hopefully after a cut).

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