elainegrey (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
elainegrey) wrote2010-09-14 03:33 am
elainegrey) wrote2010-09-14 03:33 am
Entry tags:
(no subject)
I carried my blues on the plane, but as we landed, i asked myself to bring that surge of adrenaline that i can coast on. Maybe it's not adrenaline, maybe it's some other mental chemical. Turn on the "at work" self, a Presenting self, and wham, i was articulate (perhaps a little too much detail in stories) and At Work. I talked through the plan that gives me such heebie-jeebies with my counter part and, when he started asking for some other planning document (when should business planning on each initiative begin) pushed back. Gently, but, no, i'm not doing that because i've other stuff. (See, this is one thing i'm suspecting, i'm suspecting i'm should be getting more help from this guy. I'm getting awareness of business needs from him and a bigger picture, but i'm not getting planning help.) I opined that the business planning should have started on all of these things.
I sent everyone else to eat & walked to the grocery under the setting sun, calling Christine and, on the return, my parents. My mother noted how good i sounded, how happy. Obviously, this week of meetings will go well, she chirped. She's discovered Loving Kindness Meditations and is apparently using them to great benefit. I posed to practicing the meditation more than the few times i have. (I break down sending loving kindness to myself these days.) After settling into the hotel room i was just tired. I looked at some of the work email for the day and was confused by some messages about things not working and never seeing a message about the things being fixed. That deflated any of the positive energy i mustered.
I've slept, the oral pain is back. These cankers began Sunday, so i'm probably at the peak of a five day cycle? I hope it's just five days, at least for the one at the tip of my tongue. I'd like to believe that one's dull and healing by the Thursday presentation.
Anyhow, ten minutes before i should face the work. I trust, Trust, the tears and such will pull back again, and that i will pull that Competent Woman At Work energy up while i am in front of my colleagues for the 930 to 430 meetings today.
But between now and then, i need to do things -- email, peoplesoft, and poke more at the plan document. In the evening i need to work on the talk slides with my colleagues: they are due Wednesday at noon! Help me balance my energy through the day -- not pull all my resources to be six hours of In Meeting Competent Woman At Work, but also be able to sustain through the evening and make the demos for the talk.
Help me pace. Help me know this isn't about me looking good for me, but me being a voice to share what needs to be shared -- help me see what others need to know so they can do their work better, and they can help us supply them with the right components at the right time. Help me trust that if i just let go -- let go of my fears, let go of my sense that i have to Do and to Make -- and instead let me trust that the competency in me, the being steeped in this work, means that i cna have a natural communication flow. I know that working from surrender can be the most clear and joyful place, help me to be there, and not from the adrenealine pumped panic. I know that working from my center is efficient and with ease, help me remember to be there and not in a pace of over extension. I know i don't need to carry it all, help me to remember to put it down. I don't need to carry it at all.
I sent everyone else to eat & walked to the grocery under the setting sun, calling Christine and, on the return, my parents. My mother noted how good i sounded, how happy. Obviously, this week of meetings will go well, she chirped. She's discovered Loving Kindness Meditations and is apparently using them to great benefit. I posed to practicing the meditation more than the few times i have. (I break down sending loving kindness to myself these days.) After settling into the hotel room i was just tired. I looked at some of the work email for the day and was confused by some messages about things not working and never seeing a message about the things being fixed. That deflated any of the positive energy i mustered.
I've slept, the oral pain is back. These cankers began Sunday, so i'm probably at the peak of a five day cycle? I hope it's just five days, at least for the one at the tip of my tongue. I'd like to believe that one's dull and healing by the Thursday presentation.
Anyhow, ten minutes before i should face the work. I trust, Trust, the tears and such will pull back again, and that i will pull that Competent Woman At Work energy up while i am in front of my colleagues for the 930 to 430 meetings today.
But between now and then, i need to do things -- email, peoplesoft, and poke more at the plan document. In the evening i need to work on the talk slides with my colleagues: they are due Wednesday at noon! Help me balance my energy through the day -- not pull all my resources to be six hours of In Meeting Competent Woman At Work, but also be able to sustain through the evening and make the demos for the talk.
Help me pace. Help me know this isn't about me looking good for me, but me being a voice to share what needs to be shared -- help me see what others need to know so they can do their work better, and they can help us supply them with the right components at the right time. Help me trust that if i just let go -- let go of my fears, let go of my sense that i have to Do and to Make -- and instead let me trust that the competency in me, the being steeped in this work, means that i cna have a natural communication flow. I know that working from surrender can be the most clear and joyful place, help me to be there, and not from the adrenealine pumped panic. I know that working from my center is efficient and with ease, help me remember to be there and not in a pace of over extension. I know i don't need to carry it all, help me to remember to put it down. I don't need to carry it at all.
Life is meant to be lived from a Center, a divine Center… a life of unhurried peace and power. It is simple. It is serene. It takes no time, but it occupies all our time.
thomas r. kelly, testament of devotion, 1941