elainegrey (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
elainegrey) wrote2010-10-27 07:58 am
elainegrey) wrote2010-10-27 07:58 am
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Yesterday i kept triggering the OMG Panic OVERLOAD reaction. I decided to let myself escape into a deep afternoon designing the logic flow for a system we have to build. What a glorious vacation! Towards the end i realized i was trying to optimize the flow too much in a linear manner, which may be just stupid with modern software design, although i don't know. (All this on the job guessing, hardly training, in software design....) Anyhow, i finished and sent it off.
At home we watched two episodes of the comic mystery TV show Psych, which had a slightly different formula than the first two (less dependency on Dad the retired cop). There was also a serial suicide killer, entertaining after seeing the Sherlock Study in Pink. Also, Christine picked up the cereal box pun, and so now there's something else to watch for. While watching i binged a bit on chips and licorice mix. We did not do laundry. I did ride the bike for a little bit, perhaps enough to keep from waking in the wee hours. Surely not enough to offset the licorice. I had a giddy sense though, "I'm running away from the OVERLOAD! Lalalalala!"
--==∞==--
I'm taking slightly more aggressive action against the iron supplement side effect. I forget the term for this sort of tuning and forcing and feedback loop, but i hope my digestive system is pretty linear in its response both to the iron and the supplements with little hysteresis.
It's sunny again today, so i will do my best to give myself light. The rest of the week looks like yet another storm system.
Since "OVERLOAD" is a symptom my doctor thinks makes it worth putting me on prozac for six months, i'm writing to ask if she could send a prescription for a week's worth of the 10 mg (half size) pills to my local pharmacy while i wait for the mail order place to deliver the full prescription. I just checked their website and they estimate that they'll ship tomorrow. *curses* It takes several weeks (at best) for the prozac to start making a difference, and my doctor wants me to ramp up. I'd like to start ASAP, so i have the prozac helping me when Christine goes back to NC for a week.
Tuning my digestive system seems far more feasible than tuning my being. Yet, wait: I am going to continue and hope that the digestive system made agreeable with the iron, makes the iron supplements possible to at least make the tongue ulcers stop, and believe the iron deficiency is due to stopping eating the wheat products -- which when i start them up cause a different digestive and energy set of issues.
A staff member may have lupus, and a colleague's wife is dying of cancer, and my boss just had a melanoma biopsy. I know i shouldn't compare miseries, map them to the same scale, and so on, but i end up feeling guilty about being so concerned about my own damn health. Depression is real, yes, and i know i've been dealing with it since i remember having a self.
I work so hard at being functional. I get so jealous. (But as Christine just says to me, other people have to work hard a other things.) Comparisons don't make sense.
--==∞==--
I'm meeting with RR over dinner tonight to do more career exploration. We have more of a conversational friendship as it is, so i think it won't be as awkward as the previous meeting with FP. (And definitely not as awkward as last week and the guy who wanted me as a reference.
Yesterday, as an example on how HQ can't quite get around wanting jobs to be filled in HQ and not in the hinterlands, like *here*, i mentioned to my boss that my colleague had recognized that i enjoy the product analyst work and i'd be good at it, and that i had considered our product analyst opening, but it was clear the hiring folks really wanted the person at HQ -- even though they need to work with us daily. It was a humorous way to point out my desire for that sort of work in a context that wasn't fraught with it being About Me. It will make it easier to talk to him about work satisfaction at a later date.
And now, off to work.
At home we watched two episodes of the comic mystery TV show Psych, which had a slightly different formula than the first two (less dependency on Dad the retired cop). There was also a serial suicide killer, entertaining after seeing the Sherlock Study in Pink. Also, Christine picked up the cereal box pun, and so now there's something else to watch for. While watching i binged a bit on chips and licorice mix. We did not do laundry. I did ride the bike for a little bit, perhaps enough to keep from waking in the wee hours. Surely not enough to offset the licorice. I had a giddy sense though, "I'm running away from the OVERLOAD! Lalalalala!"
--==∞==--
I'm taking slightly more aggressive action against the iron supplement side effect. I forget the term for this sort of tuning and forcing and feedback loop, but i hope my digestive system is pretty linear in its response both to the iron and the supplements with little hysteresis.
It's sunny again today, so i will do my best to give myself light. The rest of the week looks like yet another storm system.
Since "OVERLOAD" is a symptom my doctor thinks makes it worth putting me on prozac for six months, i'm writing to ask if she could send a prescription for a week's worth of the 10 mg (half size) pills to my local pharmacy while i wait for the mail order place to deliver the full prescription. I just checked their website and they estimate that they'll ship tomorrow. *curses* It takes several weeks (at best) for the prozac to start making a difference, and my doctor wants me to ramp up. I'd like to start ASAP, so i have the prozac helping me when Christine goes back to NC for a week.
Tuning my digestive system seems far more feasible than tuning my being. Yet, wait: I am going to continue and hope that the digestive system made agreeable with the iron, makes the iron supplements possible to at least make the tongue ulcers stop, and believe the iron deficiency is due to stopping eating the wheat products -- which when i start them up cause a different digestive and energy set of issues.
A staff member may have lupus, and a colleague's wife is dying of cancer, and my boss just had a melanoma biopsy. I know i shouldn't compare miseries, map them to the same scale, and so on, but i end up feeling guilty about being so concerned about my own damn health. Depression is real, yes, and i know i've been dealing with it since i remember having a self.
I work so hard at being functional. I get so jealous. (But as Christine just says to me, other people have to work hard a other things.) Comparisons don't make sense.
--==∞==--
I'm meeting with RR over dinner tonight to do more career exploration. We have more of a conversational friendship as it is, so i think it won't be as awkward as the previous meeting with FP. (And definitely not as awkward as last week and the guy who wanted me as a reference.
Yesterday, as an example on how HQ can't quite get around wanting jobs to be filled in HQ and not in the hinterlands, like *here*, i mentioned to my boss that my colleague had recognized that i enjoy the product analyst work and i'd be good at it, and that i had considered our product analyst opening, but it was clear the hiring folks really wanted the person at HQ -- even though they need to work with us daily. It was a humorous way to point out my desire for that sort of work in a context that wasn't fraught with it being About Me. It will make it easier to talk to him about work satisfaction at a later date.
And now, off to work.