elainegrey (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
elainegrey) wrote2010-12-08 04:28 am
elainegrey) wrote2010-12-08 04:28 am
(no subject)
Email to my sister this morning included these observations:
We wrote a little bit to each other about our joy in our friendship, and i found my heart aching that we aren't as connected to my brother.
--==∞==--
The mediation of the VP yesterday turned out OK, although what a bloody expensive meeting of quite the stack of people when it really could have been a quick and informal conversation. I did point out (gently? Yet in front of the VP?) the Essence of Flaky Guy had assumed there was a resource issue without checking with me (thus blowing this issue out of proportion). There *may* be a resource issue. We'll see. But sheesh.
And they left the other woman release manager out of the meeting, which seems to be a pattern with the VP and this (very capable) woman, and ... confirms my belief that not only is the VP a general jerk, but he has a specific gendered jerkness in his being.
--==∞==--
And i tried so hard to make sure i was selecting black pairs when i packed. *looks at grey pants, navy socks, and black shoes*
--==∞==--
Comment capture from DW, about my parents' relationship:
Ohio *is* cold. It's 12 °F out there. But the snow that falls when it's this cold: it's amazing! I don't think i've ever seen real *flakes* before, the six sided crystals growing big and flat and dancing in the wind, sparkling in little drifts, and *visible* as six sided crystals when they land. I realize how limited my snow experience is with the wet icy stuff of the Atlantic seaboard.
Work is not inspiring. I am practicing moderating my engagement, not pouring myself into the issues but holding back, shielding myself from caring too much. My boss is extremely dissatisfied, and i find other colleagues here angry and frustrated with the VP. Communication issues are not insignificant. I'm trying too, to keep myself from being caught up in the frame of seeing us as being blamed or the "bad kid." I think a colleague of mine is a little too ready to frame things that way, and it's contagious. On the other hand, i do like and respect a good number of my colleagues, and it is meaningful work. (Although one might believe it really ought to be going in a significantly different direction.)
We wrote a little bit to each other about our joy in our friendship, and i found my heart aching that we aren't as connected to my brother.
--==∞==--
The mediation of the VP yesterday turned out OK, although what a bloody expensive meeting of quite the stack of people when it really could have been a quick and informal conversation. I did point out (gently? Yet in front of the VP?) the Essence of Flaky Guy had assumed there was a resource issue without checking with me (thus blowing this issue out of proportion). There *may* be a resource issue. We'll see. But sheesh.
And they left the other woman release manager out of the meeting, which seems to be a pattern with the VP and this (very capable) woman, and ... confirms my belief that not only is the VP a general jerk, but he has a specific gendered jerkness in his being.
--==∞==--
And i tried so hard to make sure i was selecting black pairs when i packed. *looks at grey pants, navy socks, and black shoes*
--==∞==--
Comment capture from DW, about my parents' relationship:
If i had to point to a place where things went wrong with my parents, it would be before i was born when my Dad exposed his fears to my Mom. It's the cost of the patriarchy for men: she wanted him to be the strong, in-charge, invulnerable. When he exposed his sense of vulnerability, she took it as a betrayal.
She has read his depression as lazy, and i don't think she ever really understood how demanding his work was. What she wanted him to do around the house were the "men" things. They just chose a way of life (mini-farms, building their own homes) where chores include "When are you going to get the barn built?" and "When is the new fence going to go in?"
They both have stacks and stacks of projects and too much to do. The biggest difference is my mother probably has an anxiety disorder whereas my dad runs to depression. I suspect you can begin to imagine the conflict, and yes, the gendered roles do get picked up and played out.
Of course, Dad's no saint or martyr any more than Mom is. His emotional maturity meant he developed an oppositional relationship and pushed buttons back. He wasn't able to confront her anxiety as unwarranted but accepted it as real and played into it.
If Mom didn't think she could be a psychiatrist by reading pop sych books and if they'd gotten themselves counseling ages ago.... Mom still won't see anyone because it's Dad who is broken, doncha know.