elainegrey (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
elainegrey) wrote2011-04-20 07:56 pm
elainegrey) wrote2011-04-20 07:56 pm
(no subject)
ARGH, prednisdone withdrawal.
I am eating out of frustration, more Kosher for Passover little potato starch crunchy rings, and i'm going to get more carrots. I should have had more caffeine earlier today to head off the low. I had a pot of oolong midafternoon.
This morning, i got a sad email from my sister. It's our brother's birthday today, and she wrote, Slightly depressed on N---'s birthday, as he is in a foul mood, reportedly. Mom and Dad said he responded to, "Happy birthday," with silence and then, "Happy birth, Mom." He said he didn't even know it was his birthday. Ugh. He hasn't responded to an email of mine in months.
He's caught up in his high powered lawyer life, leading expert on China's new monopoly law while also getting involved with internal investigations. He works incredible hours and notes he is "that guy" the one with the blackberry out at the restaurant dinner table.
My mother's framing of the absence and work is always very personal. I found myself trying to reframe our experience of his absence for my sister, beginning with the "foul mood." I can easily imagine a way of working where life is put on hold, and suspect my brother has dived deep into such a life. Thinking about how different his perception of time and events must be, i found myself drawing a metaphor to a deep space traveler, rocketing along, not experiencing the time we experience passing.
We both miss him. I've been resigned to enjoying his presence when he happens to be in the bay area, letting him crash on our couch. When he's here, he's here, and he does choose to spend time with me. I value that and go through the motions, like sending him a DVD for his birthday, even though i know it's quite possible he won't open it for months after it arrives.
I am eating out of frustration, more Kosher for Passover little potato starch crunchy rings, and i'm going to get more carrots. I should have had more caffeine earlier today to head off the low. I had a pot of oolong midafternoon.
This morning, i got a sad email from my sister. It's our brother's birthday today, and she wrote, Slightly depressed on N---'s birthday, as he is in a foul mood, reportedly. Mom and Dad said he responded to, "Happy birthday," with silence and then, "Happy birth, Mom." He said he didn't even know it was his birthday. Ugh. He hasn't responded to an email of mine in months.
He's caught up in his high powered lawyer life, leading expert on China's new monopoly law while also getting involved with internal investigations. He works incredible hours and notes he is "that guy" the one with the blackberry out at the restaurant dinner table.
My mother's framing of the absence and work is always very personal. I found myself trying to reframe our experience of his absence for my sister, beginning with the "foul mood." I can easily imagine a way of working where life is put on hold, and suspect my brother has dived deep into such a life. Thinking about how different his perception of time and events must be, i found myself drawing a metaphor to a deep space traveler, rocketing along, not experiencing the time we experience passing.
We both miss him. I've been resigned to enjoying his presence when he happens to be in the bay area, letting him crash on our couch. When he's here, he's here, and he does choose to spend time with me. I value that and go through the motions, like sending him a DVD for his birthday, even though i know it's quite possible he won't open it for months after it arrives.