elainegrey (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
elainegrey) wrote2009-10-29 06:49 am
elainegrey) wrote2009-10-29 06:49 am
Entry tags:
Lots of morning reflections
Yesterday i had a wonderfully productive day. The 20 sided dice and i made some headway against some of the stuff i needed and wanted to do. I think i finally found the trick, which is to mix in my habitual break behaviors (check LJ) with the necessary (fold laundry) and the endless (papers on desk). That way i did finally get some condolences in the mail, although a note to my grandfather wasn't written. Those two tasks have been sitting side by side for weeks upon weeks, with the problem that they both seemed equally urgent. I didn't get to the monthly report or the reviews: i do know the "block" i've had on them though so i can start addressing that anger. I did get a good number of other tasks done: particularly the small critical taps that get things in motion. When i procrastinate or drop those, bigger problems ensue. Yet they're such ... little black holes of time. No, actually they're like enchanted bags, carrying much bigger tasks on the inside of their tiny exterior.
Something that seems it should be FIVE MINUTES (take sending the QA and documentation person news about our new release and the demo interface) and it turns out to have lots of sub parts that are all just a few minutes here and there (realizing that the log on credentials weren't documented but we were just verbally informed on how to construct them from a section in an annoying XML document and we referenced the numeric ID in that document to a snippet of other XML to figure out the right URL - bleh, it's easier just to construct the documentation -- and oh, yeah, that reminds me that log on credentials with white space are kind of odd, and someone needs to figure out if we're going to constrain against that).
I think i often start these "little" tasks, and when i hit the first or second subtask that's bigger than the original tasks, i drop it. Another "little" task comes along, a meeting happens, an urgent message comes in, and the "little" task gets pushed aside. I'm trying to do better at completing those because they do offer a satisfying sense of completion that, when i postpone or forget, becomes all corrupted with guilt. I think i'm just beginning to be able to recognize this because the days aren't filled with urgent and demanding interruptions (or my own emotional turmoil).
I really must celebrate how wonderful it is to be out of crisis mode! The Minnow's last years were so crisis heavy, and my role in operations put me in the front line of frequent crisis. Then when i was on my first Project with the Whale, ProDuct Man carried CRISIS with him everywhere he went. One of my new colleagues on the current Project does tend to catastrophy in his framing of requirements: his instinct is to have everything done before anyone is ready for it, but he frames anyone waiting on our work as a negative. It's only a negative if they were told they'd have it and we're late. (And there are other priorities that need to be worked upon that need long lead times.) So, YAY, i can calmly look at effort and staff availability and help move things forward.
I did send myself outside to walk to the post office after the last call of the day. I had a small bag to be mended. The economics of the repair are reasonable, although on the face of it the $12 to repair the zipper in the little mesh bag seems to be higher than the value of the bag. Ah, but i've never found one like it anywhere. I stopped in at the consignment shop and saw they did have some long, formal gowns. I talked to the manager, and i'll bring in the wedding dress next Friday when i pick up the bag (Yay for decrufting progress!)
The protesters about Obama and health care at the post office bothered me so much i refrained from really looking at them beyond the "Cut the mustache not health care" poster with the Hitler-Obama morph. I suspect that part of my distress is knowing i'm not prepared to take them on, i'm not up on the details of all the issues. Even then, though, ....
I also successfully extricated myself from my cave to briefly pop in totenacious_snail's dinner. Halfway over the "what am i doing?" unanswerable question started working on my mind, but i continued and exchanged tiny talk with a few folks before retreating back to my lair, where i caught the last few innings of Game 1 with Christine and went to bed.
Durning the day i had discovered Hacker Dojo. I knew, through his twitter feed, that a recently recorded member of meeting (someone who is not part of the life of the meeting, particularly, though) had been looking for a coworkspace. It turns out it's essentially walking distance from my home. Here's an intentional community he's fostering.... I think there could be synergy with meeting; there's a nag going on for me, perhaps a call.
This morning, not feeling quite so perky, but still compelled to logorrhea.
Care Check-In
Have i been using those tools that i know make my life better? (Or that i'm experimenting with?)
~ balance of expressive creation, nurturing, and consuming others' 5,6: Started crochet again after the block that came with the flare for two weeks, otherwise, same
√ stay aware of joy and abundance1: more that i'm able to see the blessings of my current state. Even in the flare i could tell my state was better. Part i attribute to the healing of more sanity at work, but part i attribute to no wheat
√ awareness of transitions (joy/flow/meander) & use of mental/emotional bookmarking 1: I feel like giving my self a check, even though maybe it's just a ~. The awareness of being blocked and knowing to check for anger (or fear) was a good sign.
~ caring for skin, teeth, diet1: po-ta-to chiiiiipppppssss
X exercise daily: 1
X evening check in; weekly journal prompts; monthly query: 1
~ weekly review of scattered todo notes: all still trying to figure out the right method for me here
~ work walk break daily 1,4: didn't but yesterday, blame it on the flare
√ use "emotional hacks" like "not-care-less" to avoid paralysis: 1,4 I noticed the block and was able to find the anger
√ ruthlessly delete cruft 1,4,6: progress on the decrufting on the dress
Aspects: 1. SELF 2. F&F 3. COM 4. WORK 5. CRT 6. HOME
updated 2008-08-21 aspect notes
Something that seems it should be FIVE MINUTES (take sending the QA and documentation person news about our new release and the demo interface) and it turns out to have lots of sub parts that are all just a few minutes here and there (realizing that the log on credentials weren't documented but we were just verbally informed on how to construct them from a section in an annoying XML document and we referenced the numeric ID in that document to a snippet of other XML to figure out the right URL - bleh, it's easier just to construct the documentation -- and oh, yeah, that reminds me that log on credentials with white space are kind of odd, and someone needs to figure out if we're going to constrain against that).
I think i often start these "little" tasks, and when i hit the first or second subtask that's bigger than the original tasks, i drop it. Another "little" task comes along, a meeting happens, an urgent message comes in, and the "little" task gets pushed aside. I'm trying to do better at completing those because they do offer a satisfying sense of completion that, when i postpone or forget, becomes all corrupted with guilt. I think i'm just beginning to be able to recognize this because the days aren't filled with urgent and demanding interruptions (or my own emotional turmoil).
I really must celebrate how wonderful it is to be out of crisis mode! The Minnow's last years were so crisis heavy, and my role in operations put me in the front line of frequent crisis. Then when i was on my first Project with the Whale, ProDuct Man carried CRISIS with him everywhere he went. One of my new colleagues on the current Project does tend to catastrophy in his framing of requirements: his instinct is to have everything done before anyone is ready for it, but he frames anyone waiting on our work as a negative. It's only a negative if they were told they'd have it and we're late. (And there are other priorities that need to be worked upon that need long lead times.) So, YAY, i can calmly look at effort and staff availability and help move things forward.
I did send myself outside to walk to the post office after the last call of the day. I had a small bag to be mended. The economics of the repair are reasonable, although on the face of it the $12 to repair the zipper in the little mesh bag seems to be higher than the value of the bag. Ah, but i've never found one like it anywhere. I stopped in at the consignment shop and saw they did have some long, formal gowns. I talked to the manager, and i'll bring in the wedding dress next Friday when i pick up the bag (Yay for decrufting progress!)
The protesters about Obama and health care at the post office bothered me so much i refrained from really looking at them beyond the "Cut the mustache not health care" poster with the Hitler-Obama morph. I suspect that part of my distress is knowing i'm not prepared to take them on, i'm not up on the details of all the issues. Even then, though, ....
I also successfully extricated myself from my cave to briefly pop in to
tenacious_snail's dinner. Halfway over the "what am i doing?" unanswerable question started working on my mind, but i continued and exchanged tiny talk with a few folks before retreating back to my lair, where i caught the last few innings of Game 1 with Christine and went to bed. Durning the day i had discovered Hacker Dojo. I knew, through his twitter feed, that a recently recorded member of meeting (someone who is not part of the life of the meeting, particularly, though) had been looking for a coworkspace. It turns out it's essentially walking distance from my home. Here's an intentional community he's fostering.... I think there could be synergy with meeting; there's a nag going on for me, perhaps a call.
This morning, not feeling quite so perky, but still compelled to logorrhea.
Care Check-In
Have i been using those tools that i know make my life better? (Or that i'm experimenting with?)
~ balance of expressive creation, nurturing, and consuming others' 5,6: Started crochet again after the block that came with the flare for two weeks, otherwise, same
√ stay aware of joy and abundance1: more that i'm able to see the blessings of my current state. Even in the flare i could tell my state was better. Part i attribute to the healing of more sanity at work, but part i attribute to no wheat
√ awareness of transitions (joy/flow/meander) & use of mental/emotional bookmarking 1: I feel like giving my self a check, even though maybe it's just a ~. The awareness of being blocked and knowing to check for anger (or fear) was a good sign.
~ caring for skin, teeth, diet1: po-ta-to chiiiiipppppssss
X exercise daily: 1
X evening check in; weekly journal prompts; monthly query: 1
~ weekly review of scattered todo notes: all still trying to figure out the right method for me here
~ work walk break daily 1,4: didn't but yesterday, blame it on the flare
√ use "emotional hacks" like "not-care-less" to avoid paralysis: 1,4 I noticed the block and was able to find the anger
√ ruthlessly delete cruft 1,4,6: progress on the decrufting on the dress
Aspects: 1. SELF 2. F&F 3. COM 4. WORK 5. CRT 6. HOME
updated 2008-08-21 aspect notes