elainegrey (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
elainegrey) wrote2022-07-09 09:53 am
elainegrey) wrote2022-07-09 09:53 am
(f&f, garden, clothing)
Joys and delights: the deer seem to have forgotten that gladiolus taste good. I reflect the doe that might have been the frequent diner could have died: that would be sad. But i had planted a deep fuschia red gladiolus in the first years of living here and never really saw them. This year they have bloomed and not been eaten before i could pick them. The color looks quite nice with the more delicate pink ruffled glads that came with the house.
DILL! I am harvesting dill heads! And plenty of coriander that i need to THRESH. And i have several TABLESPOONS of poppy seed. Although i wonder if some of the seed isn't quite right -- maybe picked too early? Not pollinated? But, still, nifty!
Challenge: WTF walking in (a very very low heel, these) with stockings. My foot slides down and my toes are jammed mercilessly forward. The shoes are slightly better with no stockings, but i'm going to wear stockings to my mom's memorial because it's Mom and it's the south. I suppose i could wear one of my pairs of ... well, search for "womans black leather work slip on shoe" and some of them sort of look like the other black shoes i have. I'm thinking i will find something sticky to put on the bottom of the stockings (then they will be "stickings"), which surely won't make it through the day. Everything else about that outfit is set. Except maybe what earrings i will wear. I did spend time looking for a shoe that i would really value having and none ALSO seemed suitable for Mom's memorial.
Today's "Unclear on the message" was my Aunt P-- who asked if Christine would be coming to a gathering she and Aunt J-- were planning. "Christine has a very hard time when people don't use her correct name, and she doesn't trust my extended family to use the right name, " i said. "Oh i under stand i've developed some form of agoraphobia," she replied. I didn't know what to say, maybe next time i will add, "Take you for example. When Christine transitioned you wrote us a letter filled with anger telling us to stay out of your life because you didn't approve. You've never said anything to soften that since." I've communicated with my Aunt since my mom's stroke and realize she's probably COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN she did that. But Christine sure hasn't. And i haven't.
I hope i haven't hurt people and forgotten.There's also hurting people and not knowing, which is also not desired and hard to repair, but doing something intentional and then forgetting?
DILL! I am harvesting dill heads! And plenty of coriander that i need to THRESH. And i have several TABLESPOONS of poppy seed. Although i wonder if some of the seed isn't quite right -- maybe picked too early? Not pollinated? But, still, nifty!
Challenge: WTF walking in (a very very low heel, these) with stockings. My foot slides down and my toes are jammed mercilessly forward. The shoes are slightly better with no stockings, but i'm going to wear stockings to my mom's memorial because it's Mom and it's the south. I suppose i could wear one of my pairs of ... well, search for "womans black leather work slip on shoe" and some of them sort of look like the other black shoes i have. I'm thinking i will find something sticky to put on the bottom of the stockings (then they will be "stickings"), which surely won't make it through the day. Everything else about that outfit is set. Except maybe what earrings i will wear. I did spend time looking for a shoe that i would really value having and none ALSO seemed suitable for Mom's memorial.
Today's "Unclear on the message" was my Aunt P-- who asked if Christine would be coming to a gathering she and Aunt J-- were planning. "Christine has a very hard time when people don't use her correct name, and she doesn't trust my extended family to use the right name, " i said. "Oh i under stand i've developed some form of agoraphobia," she replied. I didn't know what to say, maybe next time i will add, "Take you for example. When Christine transitioned you wrote us a letter filled with anger telling us to stay out of your life because you didn't approve. You've never said anything to soften that since." I've communicated with my Aunt since my mom's stroke and realize she's probably COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN she did that. But Christine sure hasn't. And i haven't.
I hope i haven't hurt people and forgotten.There's also hurting people and not knowing, which is also not desired and hard to repair, but doing something intentional and then forgetting?
no subject
Best wishes for your mom's memorial, and for finding a way to be comfortable enough while looking socially appropriate (something I fail at utterly).
I love what you said about Christine to your aunt! She pretended (?) not to hear it, but you still said it. You know your aunt and Southern communication styles. Is there a pattern of, "If I behave better and pretend that past awful behavior didn't happen, we can all move forward"? I've run into that and had to tell people more directly, "I'm still wary because X happened and it was very painful." Sometimes that makes me the bad one for "not letting things go" but that's ... not fine exactly, but a cost I'm willing to bear.
Oof, the thought of hurting people and not knowing. I lacerate myself over things I do remember, and try to tell myself that it's possible they don't, and then keep trying to do better.
no subject
no subject
If they want to be respected and attended to they'd better expect those assaults to make differences.
Trivial: OMG shoe issues.