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Weekly 7 am meeting in a few minutes, then an 8 am meeting. Exhale.
Walking with Christine in the evening, gesticulating madly while ranting as emotionally and impulsively as i can, seems to be working. I dump the day out, and the walking as we both notice, somehow allows her to listen but be at a distance. The concerns of the day dump out, and it's as if a summer storm has passed and fresh air and late afternoon sunlight can grace the end of the day.
I'm not sure it's *just* the exercise: i do think the mad ranting helps, where i can say out loud the worries and the irrational fears, and then they just float away. But somehow the walking outside, as opposed to sitting together in the living room or bedroom, makes the words float away: she doesn't have to hold them in concern.
That's working, such as it is.
Still, i leave for work with aching heart and worries. A sense i should have done more, tried to make more people understand what was not being done, what was needed, and then an anger as i remember how i struggled to communicate these things in reports, emails, phone calls, and meetings and the lack of ACK over and over.
Walking with Christine in the evening, gesticulating madly while ranting as emotionally and impulsively as i can, seems to be working. I dump the day out, and the walking as we both notice, somehow allows her to listen but be at a distance. The concerns of the day dump out, and it's as if a summer storm has passed and fresh air and late afternoon sunlight can grace the end of the day.
I'm not sure it's *just* the exercise: i do think the mad ranting helps, where i can say out loud the worries and the irrational fears, and then they just float away. But somehow the walking outside, as opposed to sitting together in the living room or bedroom, makes the words float away: she doesn't have to hold them in concern.
That's working, such as it is.
Still, i leave for work with aching heart and worries. A sense i should have done more, tried to make more people understand what was not being done, what was needed, and then an anger as i remember how i struggled to communicate these things in reports, emails, phone calls, and meetings and the lack of ACK over and over.
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