From this morning

There's a bit of chaos in the household, but i'm now in a mental space where i can try to address it, small dashes at at time. The roomba is running around in the living room for the first time in ages.

I find my mind moving to the interpersonal interactions between our visitor this week and myself. I find myself trying to see myself from the outside: dour? stern? I flash back to some moment in high school -- freshman or sophomore year. It was some sort of teen event at a pool, probably church sponsored, and guys were teasing/flirting/harassing/playing with the girls, throwing them in -- but no one approached me for that sort of thing. I think i emanate some sort of "no joking" and "intensely not casual" waves of some sort. Or perhaps i'm deaf and blind to whatever subtle signals initiate such exchanges. It must be part of my written self as well.

I'm not sure if i'm feeling sorry for myself, critical of myself, or just reflective.