(no subject)

Oh my, a pair of small, grey crested birds with a screechy, burry chatter just fussed loudly as they visited the feeder! How wonderful! The house finches, denied access, sang a wonderful long trill.

--==∞==--

I spent much of yesterday in the recliner on the deck, working on the roadmap for Project for this fiscal year. ( Detail )

But then there's more "out of the blue" stuff.

I know out of the blue stuff has made me spin my wheels in bad ways since grad school. In fact, in grad school, it would knock me out for very long periods (weeks?). I remember talking about it with my dissertation therapist (who eventually clued me in to the fact i was depressed).

If anything, i'm feeling pretty good about my reaction to the last couple "out of the blues." I'm not quite sure what's different, but i'm managing my reaction much better, more evenly.

In grad school, i was suppressing anger, and didn't know it. It was learning to deal with my reaction to "out of the blue" that i learned to begin to understand the anger i felt, the feelings of helplessness and fear. Maybe i'm just beginning to learn to *feel* those feelings quickly and let them pass through me, before moving on to action. Maybe i'm passing the stage where i have to stamp my feet and call out how dysfunctional it all is. Maybe i'm learning it is dysfunctional, but i have choices, too....


[1] Lookie, it's green if it says "on target" and yellow if it starts with "caution" and orange if it starts with "warning" because our executive management team wants to manage by color code.