(no subject)

In intriguing news, my colleague recommended that i would make a great business analyst for our project. We have an opening (in O hi O). There is an issue of not knowing whether the opening requires moving to O hi O (or flying once a month) and the pay grade, some discomfort around whether i'd be accepted in the role (not enough library experience?), and the whole thing of leaving the crap in my boss' lap to go do the fun stuff.

Also, i really want to dump a great deal in the business analyst's lap. I know how much work lurks there.

On the other hand, this is what i've been talking about: i miss that work. But there is a full time job there ... and then there's the question of who would manage my team (and me) if i went to that role. Would they hire to fill that?

I'm trying to figure out how to discuss with my boss.
--==∞==--

I'm currently skipping a seminar that looked really interesting, but yesterday was exhausting. I was home well after 9 pm.

I haven't written much about my therapy this round: i've been learning a great deal. I think in the past week i had actually been practicing praising myself and giving my self approval. This is ... amazing. We tapped into the "controlling voice" (the critic) towards the end of the session, and i found the voice in myself that thinks i've gotten too giddy with being able to say "That went well," and that i'm manipulating myself, and probably going to get far to full of myself. It's the same voice that criticizes me any time i try stopping listening to the Song of Need. Christine laughed when i described it to her, "N-- meet Ma--," she said, introducing my therapist to my mother. ( Read more... )

I suppose all self growth happens in cycles. I think of the work i did, motivated by the need to finish my dissertation. That was work that identified me and not me aspects of my interior life. Depression was Not Me. Certain "Must Do" issues were Not Me, and in the end, it was clear that the physics degree was motivated by a strong need for approval, not because i found any joy in the physics community.

So here i am again, listening to fragments. This time though, most of these fragments of divided self seem authentically me. Indeed, i'm creating a new fragment of self, a self-voice that can praise and affirm.

--==∞==--

I hope i can use Joy to help me balance my response to a few places where i have needs and i have responsibilities to others. Mr Stood Me Up on Wednesday gets a very narrow chance. Then there is someone from Meeting who i had been caring for, who i thought i'd passed on into someone else's care, and that someone had a brother become very ill. I need to reconnect and my guilt is looming: i will need to deal with a similar bundle of guilt that i'm supposed to be doing Everything when i try and find what i can do.

For my work around friends and family? My aunt's and brother in law's birthday fast approaches and i have some missed birthdays of the nephices.

Also, i've been thinking about going to the Meeting's workday tomorrow morning. (I miss that community.) But i think i should take Saturday morning and connect with that particular meeting member and the other meeting member support i need to do from last night's committee meeting.

(no subject)

Definition quickies. If you can think of something you'd like me to define that begins with an unused letter, let me know!

A - android: the operating system on the phone i bought in June
B
C - Christine: my spouse of 18 years
D - dooced: [via Urban Dictionary] to lose one’s job because of one’s website.
E
F - Friends: how Quakers refer to themselves, short for the Religious Society of Friends
G - grey cat blogs: one blog on more information science related stuff, one on more creative stuff, at a domain name i've owned since 1996
H
I
J - J: first initial of my first given name
K
L
M Meeting: how Quakers/Friends refer to the local community of practice; Minnow: how i refer to the company i worked for from 2001-2006, name established in the merger to avoid being dooced
N
O
P
Q - Quaker: i belong to a Yearly Meeting (qv) which is Unprogrammed (qv) and certainly supports Universalist (qv) members
R
S
T
U - Unprogrammed meetings: also called silent meetings. There are no clergy to shape the experience in advance, although there are strong practices and expectations. Universalist: a way that folks in traditional Christian culture express that there are many valid routes to the experience of the Divine (or knowing God, or of being saved, or participating in the Beloved community....)
V
W - whale: how i refer to the company i work for now, which swallowed the minnow in 2006. Name established in the merger to avoid being dooced.
X
Y - Yearly Meeting: the largest hierarchical witnessing body in the society of Friends. Although there are groups that are made up of Yearly Meetings, these larger groups don't have the formal ties of responsibility in Yearly-Quarterly-Monthly meetings -- now that FUM has dropped their claim at the insistance of Maryland's Yearly Meeting ....
Z