(no subject)

Yesterday was lovely. I had a Groupon that was expiring that day for a boat rental at Shoreline park. We ran a few errands, stopped at Peets for warm beverages, and then rented ourselves a rowboat. Christine took us out, and i quickly found this section of Wind in the Willows to read aloud: ( there is NOTHING--absolute nothing--half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats )

I rowed with great enthusiasm around the lake, trying to get in position to where we would drift into the water birds. More often, they were long removed to a quieter corner by the time i'd positioned us for our drift. We did manage to go by some pelicans in contemplation.

The day was quite dazzling bright and we did not bring hats. I believe part of my exhaustion is simply being out in the bright midday sun, a rare occurrence for me. My concern that it would be a little chill was completely unfounded, and i found myself a bit too warm with the additional bundle of the floatation device. As far as exhaustion goes, though, there was much inexperienced rowing and use of muscles i hardly know.

The very best thing is how much Christine liked it, although i wish she was more fond of canoes. We can imagine splurging again on a boat, rowing to the middle of the little lake with a picnic basket and books and practicing the power of drifting again. But with hats.

We did momentarily ponder taking out the sailboat and managing it by constant reference to a website like http://www.wikihow.com/Sail-a-Boat . I was pretty sure that i'd drop my phone into the lake if we tried that, and i wasn't sure the story would be as amusing as it seemed while we were giddy with sunshine. The rowboat was entertaining enough as i found i do not pull with equal strength, and would often spin the boat around as i over corrected for listing off my heading.

The cafe at the lake was overcrowded, and we headed downtown for a late lunch at The Tied House, a local brewery pub. They have microbrewed soda now ("...new Hermitage Brewery in San Jose ...some sassy pops for the designated driver in us all, So Duh! Root Beer and a red-cinammon scorcher called So Duh! Liquid Fire.") so i gave the root beer a try, as the liquid fire was sold out. We split a half order of nachos and each ordered and appetizer as main course: Cajun popcorn shrimp (Christine) and blackened catfish and corncake (myself). The jalapenos on the nachos left a tasty residue after i moved them all off to Christine's side, and so i gave them a try. The blackened catfish was very spicy hot.

We came home, Christine promptly napped, and i probably should have. I was a yawning machine by dinner time, and found that the spicy meal seemed sitting heavy in my stomach. I suspect the fire of the blackened spices, but my foray into jalapenos seems suspect as well.

This morning i awoke to Christine pointing out i was still asleep, an hour before i needed to depart.

(no subject)

Today has been less settled. I have felt quite tired, a member of our Meeting died (not unexpected, but not quite expected, either), i overslept, ....

Library committee was different in that one of our members was very grumpy, and was aware of it, and was clearly trying to cope. He was going to share, when we were interrupted by an elderly member, who wouldn't leave when asked. I find i carry concerns for the people around the person who died, the member of the committee, and the elderly person who seemed oddly insistant that he do his thing.

I left meeting early, missing my journalling, feeling i was carrying a lot -- and then remembering Christine's second session for the weekend was at noon: i could give her a ride instead of her taking the motorcycle over.

I realize i have two big goals for this calendar year. One is Christine's surgery. It's our goal, even if it's her surgery, and we spent some time talking about it. I think we're both realizing how demanding the next few months will be: not only are the twice a weekend electrolysis sessions draining, but she's taking a heavy course load. She needs my support now, not just the time after the surgery.

The other goal goes to dreaming about a new job, not necessarily finding one. Indeed, maybe i just need to reframe how i understand my current job.

One of the things my therapist and i are going to talk about is when is stretching for the status and prestige against the gendered barriers[1] wise for me, and when is looking at my own talents, which may have a gender bias devaluation, and following them wise for me.

It struck me quite hard today that those two things are PLENTY to deal with this year, and that, in fact, i would benefit from making room for them.

It's a good insight.

I have been celebrating that i fixed our car door with washers and a screw from the box of miscellaneous metal bits. I did cook the squash with apples, very sad beets, celery, potatoes, and a sweet onion. I carried sheets and towels to the wash and fold; i think i'm just going to accept that as how things get done between now and July. I'm thinking about satisfaction, and reading the coaching on that.

I think i must have quite a bit of concerns churning inside me right now, but i must sleep. I have at least checked work email to find nothing in particular, and will work at home tomorrow.

Perhaps i'll be more clear tomorrow.

[1] i'll admit it, something lousy is going on gender wise in my workplace. Nothing unusually lousy, but unarguably lousy.