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Today has been less settled. I have felt quite tired, a member of our Meeting died (not unexpected, but not quite expected, either), i overslept, ....
Library committee was different in that one of our members was very grumpy, and was aware of it, and was clearly trying to cope. He was going to share, when we were interrupted by an elderly member, who wouldn't leave when asked. I find i carry concerns for the people around the person who died, the member of the committee, and the elderly person who seemed oddly insistant that he do his thing.
I left meeting early, missing my journalling, feeling i was carrying a lot -- and then remembering Christine's second session for the weekend was at noon: i could give her a ride instead of her taking the motorcycle over.
I realize i have two big goals for this calendar year. One is Christine's surgery. It's our goal, even if it's her surgery, and we spent some time talking about it. I think we're both realizing how demanding the next few months will be: not only are the twice a weekend electrolysis sessions draining, but she's taking a heavy course load. She needs my support now, not just the time after the surgery.
The other goal goes to dreaming about a new job, not necessarily finding one. Indeed, maybe i just need to reframe how i understand my current job.
One of the things my therapist and i are going to talk about is when is stretching for the status and prestige against the gendered barriers[1] wise for me, and when is looking at my own talents, which may have a gender bias devaluation, and following them wise for me.
It struck me quite hard today that those two things are PLENTY to deal with this year, and that, in fact, i would benefit from making room for them.
It's a good insight.
I have been celebrating that i fixed our car door with washers and a screw from the box of miscellaneous metal bits. I did cook the squash with apples, very sad beets, celery, potatoes, and a sweet onion. I carried sheets and towels to the wash and fold; i think i'm just going to accept that as how things get done between now and July. I'm thinking about satisfaction, and reading the coaching on that.
I think i must have quite a bit of concerns churning inside me right now, but i must sleep. I have at least checked work email to find nothing in particular, and will work at home tomorrow.
Perhaps i'll be more clear tomorrow.
[1] i'll admit it, something lousy is going on gender wise in my workplace. Nothing unusually lousy, but unarguably lousy.
Library committee was different in that one of our members was very grumpy, and was aware of it, and was clearly trying to cope. He was going to share, when we were interrupted by an elderly member, who wouldn't leave when asked. I find i carry concerns for the people around the person who died, the member of the committee, and the elderly person who seemed oddly insistant that he do his thing.
I left meeting early, missing my journalling, feeling i was carrying a lot -- and then remembering Christine's second session for the weekend was at noon: i could give her a ride instead of her taking the motorcycle over.
I realize i have two big goals for this calendar year. One is Christine's surgery. It's our goal, even if it's her surgery, and we spent some time talking about it. I think we're both realizing how demanding the next few months will be: not only are the twice a weekend electrolysis sessions draining, but she's taking a heavy course load. She needs my support now, not just the time after the surgery.
The other goal goes to dreaming about a new job, not necessarily finding one. Indeed, maybe i just need to reframe how i understand my current job.
One of the things my therapist and i are going to talk about is when is stretching for the status and prestige against the gendered barriers[1] wise for me, and when is looking at my own talents, which may have a gender bias devaluation, and following them wise for me.
It struck me quite hard today that those two things are PLENTY to deal with this year, and that, in fact, i would benefit from making room for them.
It's a good insight.
I have been celebrating that i fixed our car door with washers and a screw from the box of miscellaneous metal bits. I did cook the squash with apples, very sad beets, celery, potatoes, and a sweet onion. I carried sheets and towels to the wash and fold; i think i'm just going to accept that as how things get done between now and July. I'm thinking about satisfaction, and reading the coaching on that.
I think i must have quite a bit of concerns churning inside me right now, but i must sleep. I have at least checked work email to find nothing in particular, and will work at home tomorrow.
Perhaps i'll be more clear tomorrow.
[1] i'll admit it, something lousy is going on gender wise in my workplace. Nothing unusually lousy, but unarguably lousy.
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