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Training is draining, but i have three different physical complaints to also lay at the foot of feeling drained. Not counting the finger sprain.

I have very mixed feelings about how i had to coach "up" to my boss and to the product manager at the end of the training, helping them see how the training could work for us, as well as dealing with the different vibes i was getting from my staff about their discomfort and worries.

Do i have to be the grown up?

Once upon a time i really needed a mentor-manager. Part of it, i think, was the deeper want of a archetypical mother. I've learned how to be that mother/parent to myself though. I don't think it's vanity or egotism to recognize that i need to be a calm centered "leader" for this change to be an opportunity for the team's function to improve. Sometimes i'm the Cassandra. But here, here i can be the person saying, "Let's try it, we can address that concern that way."

I am giving myself unnecessary drain when i hear the trainer talk about micromanagement, when i hear the trainer talk about how the part of this process is about improvement and how your flaws are visible and micromanagement. Gah, i don't want to micromanage: do others perceive me as micromanaging? Gah, have i been letting people down by saying i would take care of things that i haven't? Gah, ugh, ouch, ooh, wince. (I better get that request for hardware done -- when?)

One thing i see is how i fill so many roles -- well, i knew this -- so letting go of the direct involvement with my team.... Or not: maybe they'll want me to be the scrum master, which will have its own set of problems.

So i write the trainer (many references to terms in the training)
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