(no subject)

Edward has been sleeping in our bed at night, so Greycie Loo and Mr M have decamped to elsewhere. Greycie Loo seems to have taken up on Christine's new desk chair, but when i come in to sit in front of my sun lamp and surf, she insists on my lap or other snuggles. I am enjoying her affection, even though it comes with bossy nips with her sharp teeth.

I went to Meeting and we did groceries yesterday, efforts towards moving out of hibernation and rest, but it was another day of not particularly making movements towards engagement with my life. I did get a nap, and i think i face this week well rested. Yet, i know work anxiety must still be with me as i keep checking email. Only three days this week, then a week, then in Ohio.

On Friday night we went to meet some other folks from Meeting and played Go. Christine is fascinated by Go and wants to play. I'm not a fan of competitive games, but i'm able to appreciate connecting. It is a game that connects to my strengths, it seems. After i played the seasoned player a few times learning the game, the conclusion was no more handicap stones for me. Last night Christine and i played twice, and she lost both times. I recall our games of Lexulous, where her sister and i struggle to take Christine on. For a while i felt if our combined score beat Christine, we were doing well. Christine's delighted that we now challenge her, and i suppose she's delighted i challenge her in Go.

Game playing puzzles me. Competition puzzles me. Something happened in middle school or high school that changed my feelings about game play, i think. I recall that i was competitive, even in running, when i entered middle school. Was it boys? Did i win and learn that winning doesn't always earn respect? Not when it is a girl winning?

I have said, "I'm not competitive," for so long that i almost believe it. But the fuzzy memory and the stories -- the stories my parents happily shared of how crafty i was, how good my poker face was playing Masterpiece and Clue when i was 6 and 7. I can almost remember the pleasure of foisting off forgeries on my parents.

Was it during Junior Classical League and Quiz Bowl and playing in the state orchestra? Those were competitive things i did in high school....