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Today and Friday are reasonable rhythm days, and there's not a sign that next week will be unreasonable. Well, Monday will be a in-engagement day.
This weekend has music on both nights: my ex Boss plays clarinet in the Nova Vista Symphony and we'll go see their performance of the Verdi Requiem. Then there's a modern music on baroque instruments concert.
...
As i've been wrestling with anger and work intensity, i've been slowly reading an issue of The Atlantic. I don't know if the two are related, but the stories in this issue -- one on some student at Duke who made a powerpoint presentation for limited distribution about her sexual escapades with the lacrosse team, another on how internet porn proves that male sexuality is undeniably about power over -- make my heart hurt and lead me to wonder just how alien i am in this culture. Yesterday my sister sent news of a childhood friend who combined firearms, alcohol, and a national park over the weekend to result in an experience of what it's like to be arrested. The friend's email account of her adventure to my sister is also alien to me: i find the level of cluelessness combined with the blinding sense of privilege to be nearly incomprehensible.
The only pornography on the internet that i inadvertently stumbled upon was circa 1992 or 93 on NASA computers. I was probably using ... Veronica? Archie? I was a bit indignant: government machines and all that. There may have been one or two times i've done Google searches that accidentally lead to porn sites, but generally the listings were enough to make me realize that i needed to change search terms to find what i was looking for. In my mind, not much more different from finding a set of search terms is overwhelmed by pop music results or some news story that's not of interest. The assertions of how the internet is overwhelmingly full of pornography is so counter to my experience, and i spend so much time on the internet.
What i notice is the email spam that's constantly offering to enlarge something: if i were to write a puff analysis piece, the clear conclusion would be that males are more insecure in their body image than women. So maybe i can dismiss that article as just being the result of unclear thinking?
The other article about the Duke woman in The Atlantic is one i want to dismiss as some small bubble of privilege: the Duke social mess representing the experience of those who can manage to get into Ivy-League-Esque colleges and not the mass of Americans trying to improve their lives by heading to their nearest community college or state college. That same bubble of social privilege probably writes for The Atlantic, right? And my sister's friend: she did attended a fairly "genteel" art school....
Or is it me? Am i really as alien? I feel pretty boringly normal, but i am always reminded of a dear friend laughingly pointing out that as a bisexual Quaker Witch physicist married to a transgendered woman, i am pretty different. Ok, ok, maybe i'm holding down the ends of some demographic curves, but i can't believe the lampoon of heterosexual relationships that i stumble across, that present the values and behaviors as mainstream and given, is "normal" either.
I'm recalling some blog that came out a few years ago with the Wall Street crash that was a "support" site for women who dated the bankers and traders: that too had me incredulous. People run relationships like that? Lyre birds' mating relationships make more sense.
Anyhow. Itchy itchy body, as well as an itchy brain.
This weekend has music on both nights: my ex Boss plays clarinet in the Nova Vista Symphony and we'll go see their performance of the Verdi Requiem. Then there's a modern music on baroque instruments concert.
...
As i've been wrestling with anger and work intensity, i've been slowly reading an issue of The Atlantic. I don't know if the two are related, but the stories in this issue -- one on some student at Duke who made a powerpoint presentation for limited distribution about her sexual escapades with the lacrosse team, another on how internet porn proves that male sexuality is undeniably about power over -- make my heart hurt and lead me to wonder just how alien i am in this culture. Yesterday my sister sent news of a childhood friend who combined firearms, alcohol, and a national park over the weekend to result in an experience of what it's like to be arrested. The friend's email account of her adventure to my sister is also alien to me: i find the level of cluelessness combined with the blinding sense of privilege to be nearly incomprehensible.
The only pornography on the internet that i inadvertently stumbled upon was circa 1992 or 93 on NASA computers. I was probably using ... Veronica? Archie? I was a bit indignant: government machines and all that. There may have been one or two times i've done Google searches that accidentally lead to porn sites, but generally the listings were enough to make me realize that i needed to change search terms to find what i was looking for. In my mind, not much more different from finding a set of search terms is overwhelmed by pop music results or some news story that's not of interest. The assertions of how the internet is overwhelmingly full of pornography is so counter to my experience, and i spend so much time on the internet.
What i notice is the email spam that's constantly offering to enlarge something: if i were to write a puff analysis piece, the clear conclusion would be that males are more insecure in their body image than women. So maybe i can dismiss that article as just being the result of unclear thinking?
The other article about the Duke woman in The Atlantic is one i want to dismiss as some small bubble of privilege: the Duke social mess representing the experience of those who can manage to get into Ivy-League-Esque colleges and not the mass of Americans trying to improve their lives by heading to their nearest community college or state college. That same bubble of social privilege probably writes for The Atlantic, right? And my sister's friend: she did attended a fairly "genteel" art school....
Or is it me? Am i really as alien? I feel pretty boringly normal, but i am always reminded of a dear friend laughingly pointing out that as a bisexual Quaker Witch physicist married to a transgendered woman, i am pretty different. Ok, ok, maybe i'm holding down the ends of some demographic curves, but i can't believe the lampoon of heterosexual relationships that i stumble across, that present the values and behaviors as mainstream and given, is "normal" either.
I'm recalling some blog that came out a few years ago with the Wall Street crash that was a "support" site for women who dated the bankers and traders: that too had me incredulous. People run relationships like that? Lyre birds' mating relationships make more sense.
Anyhow. Itchy itchy body, as well as an itchy brain.
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It takes all kinds . . . and we are all very soon in another country when we try to walk others' paths and think with others' expectations.
Also you are happily married :-) You two each found your soulmate and you are a team. Your journal is ample evidence.
I work at a porno store, even though I personally don't like porn. I don't think sex is dirty, I am inquisitive enough to have learned some basics so I can advise people and sometimes figure out what they are trying to ask me where to find, and in many ways I look at it like working at a library - most of the books in the library are of no interest to me, either.
I doubt there is any way to test the hypothesis that the net is full of porn (usually expressed as "The internet is for porn") but recall the other Internet Rule of Thumb: "If it exists, there's porn of it." And wow, have I seen some stuff . . . there are things undreamed of by you or me in the mind of
manhuman. But it's important to note that a not insignificant reason is it's practically impossible to define porn. I'm sure some of the comics I've read with pleasure are porn to some people . . . and I'm not even into manga. But there is undoubtedly more of it than you think. Maybe more than I think. For example, IRC is riddled with mating channels. A lot of users think that's what it's for. That came as a surprise - I was, and am, using it to talk to fellow heathens :-)I don't understand exhibitionism either, but yes, it's surprisingly common (judging by some experiences I've had at the store).
Humans are so amazingly diverse. I see our variety as a good thing, but I am aware that it is also the source of some of this sexual frenzy - people are scared they will never find their soulmate and are displaying/sifting in desperation.
Which is probably why Facebook is valued so highly.
I will shut up now and write a Wikipedia article :-)
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