Morning Prayer

[elainegrey]

Beloved,

My mind shows me a splintered reality. I want want want to create and give and create and connect. Yet i feel i need to roll up into a little quiet ball so often. I know the winter stillness, the rest, is needed. I know my depression can be a healer for me as i learn other ways of coping with wounds. Yet i cannot manage to keep the reality of my pace in mind when i plan. It's taken me over a year to get going on simple slippers and now i imagine i will make a cardigan. How many years have i failed to get Yuletide cards out? Christine and i barely set aside time every three days to open our Advent calendar. I have a Lego box under the tree for the third year in a row, i think. Will i build it this year?

Beloved, i wish i had a tree's lifetime. I don't know that i want to go faster, but there is still so much to do. I could be a slow moving Ent, and i appreciate learning to slow my responses and reactions down, but life seems so terribly short.

I hope that my sense of not being productive is because my fruits have been picked up and passed on. I have to trust that. I have to trust.

I also have to live in the now: not making promises to myself about the future that i do not know can keep. Small steps, inching along in the direction of the great big dream. There may be no year where i greet all those i love and care for with a personal turn, but maybe i will reach everyone at least once with a greeting!

Beloved, help me understand which plans and visions i should work on today.

Amen