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Last evening i listened to much of Curse of the Blue Tattoo: Being an Account of the Misadventures of Jacky Faber, Midshipman and Fine Lady and managed to get past all the cringing.
Some years ago Christine wanted me to watch a movie short and and the more she described it the more i did not want to see it. It took a while for me to figure out how to articulate the aspect that triggered an unenjoyable response in me, but we hit on the key word to describe my response: it's when i cringe. This cringe response is less to violence, blood, or gore, and more to situations where a character is socially inappropriate without being aware why and likely to be laughed at or shunned, and the character has to sort out why.
"Socially inappropriate" is a very broad brush: it includes persons making sincere romantic overtures that i, as viewer, know just aren't going to go over well. I often find myself in the kitchen getting something as the awkwardness plays out.
While that's the broad brush, it's not every single incident of social awkwardness: i think a certain amount of sincerity is needed for me to feel sympathy for the character and to hate that the character is being used "this way" for my entertainment. Sitcoms are generally structured in such a way that i don't feel like i need to leave: on the other hand, i don't find most sitcoms of interest.
I do watch "Frazier" on occasion, and clearly there are moments throughout where Frazier blunders. There's never anyone who really has power or influence over Frazier's life, though: i think the (portrayed) power aspect is important to my experience of unpleasant cringing. Frazier can completely embarrass himself, but he's not going to get fired (construct of the show, not reality), not going to go into a deep depression for ten episodes, not going to be shunned in an environment that's important to him.
I understand that drama is about showing people at risk of loosing status, position and honor. I'm picking at this reaction of mine because i wonder if i'm closing myself off to something valuable.
I was surprised at how i reacted to the audio book: it's not an experience i usually have while reading. It helps me realize just how in control of the reading experience i am: i suspect i rush through any cringy scenes in books. I'm not in control with audio: i must listen word by word instead of taking in a sentence (which is how i think i read).
The plucky heroine of the book is sensitive to embarrassment and shame, just not aware of the cultural rules of 1800's Boston. She was fairly powerless, with few allies, at the beginning. No one was there to literally bail her out. Even then i know the series goes on, so i knew her spirit wouldn't be completely broken or her freedom completely taken away.
must go on
Last evening i listened to much of Curse of the Blue Tattoo: Being an Account of the Misadventures of Jacky Faber, Midshipman and Fine Lady and managed to get past all the cringing.
Some years ago Christine wanted me to watch a movie short and and the more she described it the more i did not want to see it. It took a while for me to figure out how to articulate the aspect that triggered an unenjoyable response in me, but we hit on the key word to describe my response: it's when i cringe. This cringe response is less to violence, blood, or gore, and more to situations where a character is socially inappropriate without being aware why and likely to be laughed at or shunned, and the character has to sort out why.
"Socially inappropriate" is a very broad brush: it includes persons making sincere romantic overtures that i, as viewer, know just aren't going to go over well. I often find myself in the kitchen getting something as the awkwardness plays out.
While that's the broad brush, it's not every single incident of social awkwardness: i think a certain amount of sincerity is needed for me to feel sympathy for the character and to hate that the character is being used "this way" for my entertainment. Sitcoms are generally structured in such a way that i don't feel like i need to leave: on the other hand, i don't find most sitcoms of interest.
I do watch "Frazier" on occasion, and clearly there are moments throughout where Frazier blunders. There's never anyone who really has power or influence over Frazier's life, though: i think the (portrayed) power aspect is important to my experience of unpleasant cringing. Frazier can completely embarrass himself, but he's not going to get fired (construct of the show, not reality), not going to go into a deep depression for ten episodes, not going to be shunned in an environment that's important to him.
I understand that drama is about showing people at risk of loosing status, position and honor. I'm picking at this reaction of mine because i wonder if i'm closing myself off to something valuable.
I was surprised at how i reacted to the audio book: it's not an experience i usually have while reading. It helps me realize just how in control of the reading experience i am: i suspect i rush through any cringy scenes in books. I'm not in control with audio: i must listen word by word instead of taking in a sentence (which is how i think i read).
The plucky heroine of the book is sensitive to embarrassment and shame, just not aware of the cultural rules of 1800's Boston. She was fairly powerless, with few allies, at the beginning. No one was there to literally bail her out. Even then i know the series goes on, so i knew her spirit wouldn't be completely broken or her freedom completely taken away.
must go on
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With me, I stongly suspect this is a reaction to Asperger's syndrome, and the ways I was treated as a child because of it. I learnt to recognize situations where I'd screwed up, after the fact, and that the way to keep out of trouble was to avoid anything resembling them. In other words, people's reaction to a social miscue is a really strong aversive for me, even if the victim/target isn't me. I'll avoid the whole context if possible.
Interestingly, I question my use of "screwed up" above. It's correct for my experience at the time, but I've since reframed them, in my own case, to "acted sane and naturally, unlike the morons who objected". Or perhaps to something less strong, but still along those lines. I prefer the company of people who violate many of the common social rules - but I still react badly when someone provokes that damn reaction, or is likely to do so. (Obvious optimization - avoid clueless neutotypicals - if they don't have cosmopolitan social skills, then I don't want to deal with them, and they are generally the people who react that way.)