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Ok, part of my question yesterday has been answered in that the women i know (and apparently everyone else) are watching Nate Silver instead of electoral-vote.com's votemaster.
Poor votemaster! Last night:
I find myself mostly pensive about party politics. Of course, from where i stand the Democratic party looks like a bunch of moderates that are kinda willing to consider progressive movement if it won't piss off their corporate overlords. In general, i think the corporate overlords "get" "inclusion," and because they are multinational, they can't afford a certain sort of jingoism. (Other military actions don't hurt the bottom line so, you know, go nuts and try our new remote blaster 5000 while you are at it.)
Anyhow.
I made the mistake of looking at my county's returns on ballot initiatives and had this brief blush of belief that, wow, the ballot initiatives might go the way i want them to! Then i looked at the state's returns and, meh, not so much. I'm happy to see the governor's budget initiative, line 30, did turn form no to yes overnight! I went to bed with the belief that both budget initiatives were going to be turned down: can i tell you how stupid it is to have voters making budget decisions directly?
Hi Death Penalty, i guess you'll be hanging around then. I heard someone discuss how the financial argument to end the death penalty wasn't appealing because the death penalty is a moral issue -- unlike the three strikes law -- and some people just deserve to die. The voice used in saying this was calm, rational, not particularly full of anger or revenge. A calm abstraction: some people deserve to die. I hadn't realized how much i didn't believe that until i heard it stated -- and my whole self has been cringing ever since.
Well, maybe California can execute a corporation.
--==∞==--
I get to work from home today, a reprieve that makes clear to me just how much of my depression is due to tipping point exhaustion. Up until midday yesterday, i thought the first day i could work from home was Friday the 16th, and by the way, New Director is coming out the three days before the Thanksgiving holiday and i need to be in the office then.
I think back to the trip he made during the winter holidays and how i got to see him for a couple hours out fo the several days he was in town. There's a chance he'll get here and say that, "Oh, don't bother coming in on Wednesday, i'm going to be doing blah-di-blah from my hotel room," but i can't count on that. My brother has opined it sure sounds like New Director is getting California trips paid for by the company. I can't quite believe New Director is that deceitful: i still stick with flaky.
I'm also feeling physically exhausted: coughing spell last night.
--==∞==--
The more i think about it, the more i think what i need is also a career coach cognitive therapist. So much of my depression is triggered by poorly framed beliefs.
I have things i know: my health-needs and my values point towards a company that is not expecting everyone to put in 50 or 60 hours a week, and my workstyle is better suited for a smaller company that needs a generalist who can do the breadth of work i can do.
I believe there are no companies of under a couple hundred folks in the bay area that both would be interested in hiring me with my current skill set AND are not pressure cooker start ups. In stating that poorly framed belief, i am immediately trapped.
Hopefully, i can find the right therapist for this suite of needs. I have been so fortunate in my last two therapists: one EAP therapist acted as a great-for-my-values management coach while coding my meetings with her as major depression, and my somatic experiencing therapist has helped me transition my reactive patterns so i can be more aware physically, more compassionate to my own needs. I feel so much more healed.
So i'll hope that i can find the right person to help me navigate the maze of imaginary and real barriers in my mind.
Poor votemaster! Last night:
8:18 PM EST The servers are totally overloaded. This may not work. I'm trying but not hopeful.
9:15 P.M. EST CNN projects Republicans to keep the House.
9:20 P.M. EST Servers are hopeless.
00:00 A.M. EST Now that everyone is in bed, the servers are back up. At this moment, Colorado, Virgina, and Florida are still undecided, but Obama is leading in all of them. If he wins them all, then the electoral map is the same as 2008 except with Indiana and North Carolina. I'll start looking at the Senate next.
I find myself mostly pensive about party politics. Of course, from where i stand the Democratic party looks like a bunch of moderates that are kinda willing to consider progressive movement if it won't piss off their corporate overlords. In general, i think the corporate overlords "get" "inclusion," and because they are multinational, they can't afford a certain sort of jingoism. (Other military actions don't hurt the bottom line so, you know, go nuts and try our new remote blaster 5000 while you are at it.)
Anyhow.
I made the mistake of looking at my county's returns on ballot initiatives and had this brief blush of belief that, wow, the ballot initiatives might go the way i want them to! Then i looked at the state's returns and, meh, not so much. I'm happy to see the governor's budget initiative, line 30, did turn form no to yes overnight! I went to bed with the belief that both budget initiatives were going to be turned down: can i tell you how stupid it is to have voters making budget decisions directly?
Hi Death Penalty, i guess you'll be hanging around then. I heard someone discuss how the financial argument to end the death penalty wasn't appealing because the death penalty is a moral issue -- unlike the three strikes law -- and some people just deserve to die. The voice used in saying this was calm, rational, not particularly full of anger or revenge. A calm abstraction: some people deserve to die. I hadn't realized how much i didn't believe that until i heard it stated -- and my whole self has been cringing ever since.
Well, maybe California can execute a corporation.
--==∞==--
I get to work from home today, a reprieve that makes clear to me just how much of my depression is due to tipping point exhaustion. Up until midday yesterday, i thought the first day i could work from home was Friday the 16th, and by the way, New Director is coming out the three days before the Thanksgiving holiday and i need to be in the office then.
I think back to the trip he made during the winter holidays and how i got to see him for a couple hours out fo the several days he was in town. There's a chance he'll get here and say that, "Oh, don't bother coming in on Wednesday, i'm going to be doing blah-di-blah from my hotel room," but i can't count on that. My brother has opined it sure sounds like New Director is getting California trips paid for by the company. I can't quite believe New Director is that deceitful: i still stick with flaky.
I'm also feeling physically exhausted: coughing spell last night.
--==∞==--
The more i think about it, the more i think what i need is also a career coach cognitive therapist. So much of my depression is triggered by poorly framed beliefs.
I have things i know: my health-needs and my values point towards a company that is not expecting everyone to put in 50 or 60 hours a week, and my workstyle is better suited for a smaller company that needs a generalist who can do the breadth of work i can do.
I believe there are no companies of under a couple hundred folks in the bay area that both would be interested in hiring me with my current skill set AND are not pressure cooker start ups. In stating that poorly framed belief, i am immediately trapped.
Hopefully, i can find the right therapist for this suite of needs. I have been so fortunate in my last two therapists: one EAP therapist acted as a great-for-my-values management coach while coding my meetings with her as major depression, and my somatic experiencing therapist has helped me transition my reactive patterns so i can be more aware physically, more compassionate to my own needs. I feel so much more healed.
So i'll hope that i can find the right person to help me navigate the maze of imaginary and real barriers in my mind.
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