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Maryland style crab cakes are so not "cakes" but, wow, is it a delicious way to prepare crab. I used this recipe, scaled down by a quarter but with a whole egg and some celery, and made it while Christine was out of the house. Her trip depressed her, and i feel a little guilty not joining her -- i could have distracted her! Or not encouraged a drive down memory lane on a dismal day! -- but i cooked and ate, took another photo for my daily gallery, and made progress in garden planning.
The photo is not as in focus as i would like, and i need to learn how to use this macro lens in which i invested. However, i got all the right kit out, after several backs and forth, and think i have things packed back up in a way that will ease getting out my "mini studio" for a shoot. The ring light -- some cheap thing from almost a year ago that was an asked-for gift -- worked just right.
Today's forecast is YET MORE CLOUDS.
I attended a Quaker worship with a deep hour of waiting worship. I need this, having lost the habit, and having less time weeding mosses as i did in my first years here. Midway during worship i had the clarity that i am afraid and that it is safe to be afraid. I don't have much experience with letting myself feel fear, but i think i've held those feelings away during this pandemic. It was a little free floating fear, a mishmash of pandemic, my memory and my mother's dementia, and something around Quakers and separating myself from my current meeting for what i need. That's got fear of failure mixed in it, which is a fear i suppress and which leads to a good bit of my depression. Anyhow, the safety of my faith allows feeling the fear, faith that i can be the person with my feelings, and that it is better to be her than a person without. It was good, a bit of clearing away.
One small problem, i realize, is that for years my meditations were visualized as work in imaginary gardens. These visualizations now get pulled into concrete gardening thoughts: not meditations. I think i might be able to continue if i make the visualizations more fantastic and ethereal.
The photo is not as in focus as i would like, and i need to learn how to use this macro lens in which i invested. However, i got all the right kit out, after several backs and forth, and think i have things packed back up in a way that will ease getting out my "mini studio" for a shoot. The ring light -- some cheap thing from almost a year ago that was an asked-for gift -- worked just right.
Today's forecast is YET MORE CLOUDS.
I attended a Quaker worship with a deep hour of waiting worship. I need this, having lost the habit, and having less time weeding mosses as i did in my first years here. Midway during worship i had the clarity that i am afraid and that it is safe to be afraid. I don't have much experience with letting myself feel fear, but i think i've held those feelings away during this pandemic. It was a little free floating fear, a mishmash of pandemic, my memory and my mother's dementia, and something around Quakers and separating myself from my current meeting for what i need. That's got fear of failure mixed in it, which is a fear i suppress and which leads to a good bit of my depression. Anyhow, the safety of my faith allows feeling the fear, faith that i can be the person with my feelings, and that it is better to be her than a person without. It was good, a bit of clearing away.
One small problem, i realize, is that for years my meditations were visualized as work in imaginary gardens. These visualizations now get pulled into concrete gardening thoughts: not meditations. I think i might be able to continue if i make the visualizations more fantastic and ethereal.
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