elainegrey (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
elainegrey) wrote2022-08-11 06:55 am
elainegrey) wrote2022-08-11 06:55 am
(household, weather, garden, f&f, family)
There's a promise of pleasant weather for this weekend where the "highs" of 85F (29.4 C) are the sames as the "feels like". Yesterday's high was an unremarkable 96F (35.6 C) so bloth lower temperatures and lower humidity seem miraculous. I have dreams of doing that probably far outstrip my spoons, but i think i can start mowing down stilt grass and i'm delighted to start.
I don't know what i'm going to do about the garden in the circle that has been taken over what is locally called goosegrass (Eleusine indica). String trimmer than flame? I note it greens up pretty quickly even after the flame thrower in the drive.
And i also want to start flame clearing some areas inside the orchard of forbs and grasses to plant some natives. I'm thinking that i can get some of the native plants i want (and have pre-paid for) and plant them in some vegetable garden locations and pots while burning away through the first flush of winter weeds.
--== ∞ ==--
I've had some grief-proximate waves this week that left me very drained. There's something about realizing you are the only person who had quite as miserable a relationship with your mother. Because she fixated on me, i think my brother was somewhat ignored. So his is a very different miserable relationship. And my Dad adored her while being enmeshed in their arguments and fights. He asserted on our drive Saturday morning that "maybe things started going bad" after he retired. I quickly corrected him, and then quickly shut myself up before i started on a long list of memories that i didn't need to resurrect.
Right now i want to tell my six year old self, setting off in the woods with a loaf of bread and peanut butter, that it is OK to return home. She is not why her parents fight, and she is not responsible for her mother being so miserable. She is a great kid, and she's doing great taking care of herself. Stick with the books, kid. You'll get through.
I don't think my Dad really understood the level i filled in for him as a target when he was gone, and i don't think i need him to know. I need Dad to become more thoughtful of others and listen to them better in the here and now (which, admittedly, is part of Mom's litany of complaints): if we are going to talk harm, we'll talk harm here and now where he can improve his relationships with his grandchildren and children.
I know my sister understands we are different in our grieving, and i feel she is being sensitive to that.
--== ∞ ==--
I can't quite put my finger on my work blues, my physical fitness blues aren't helped by stress eating, and the home water system is likely invaded by a sulfurous gas exuding bacteria that made the water filter unit pitch black. Discovering the horrible blackness of the water filter yesterday grossed both Christine and i out. I'm pretty hardy and can sorta convince myself to keep drinking the water, especially after the third call with our water consultants where we got to speak with the competent person, P--. P-- assured us there wasn't a health issue, in a much more competent way than the previous two who didn't seem to recognize the issues. Sounds like my idea of bleaching the lines is what we'll likely do, except they have a clue as to how long the bleach needs to be in the lines (4 hours!). Anyhow water issues are distressing.
I don't know what i'm going to do about the garden in the circle that has been taken over what is locally called goosegrass (Eleusine indica). String trimmer than flame? I note it greens up pretty quickly even after the flame thrower in the drive.
And i also want to start flame clearing some areas inside the orchard of forbs and grasses to plant some natives. I'm thinking that i can get some of the native plants i want (and have pre-paid for) and plant them in some vegetable garden locations and pots while burning away through the first flush of winter weeds.
--== ∞ ==--
I've had some grief-proximate waves this week that left me very drained. There's something about realizing you are the only person who had quite as miserable a relationship with your mother. Because she fixated on me, i think my brother was somewhat ignored. So his is a very different miserable relationship. And my Dad adored her while being enmeshed in their arguments and fights. He asserted on our drive Saturday morning that "maybe things started going bad" after he retired. I quickly corrected him, and then quickly shut myself up before i started on a long list of memories that i didn't need to resurrect.
Right now i want to tell my six year old self, setting off in the woods with a loaf of bread and peanut butter, that it is OK to return home. She is not why her parents fight, and she is not responsible for her mother being so miserable. She is a great kid, and she's doing great taking care of herself. Stick with the books, kid. You'll get through.
I don't think my Dad really understood the level i filled in for him as a target when he was gone, and i don't think i need him to know. I need Dad to become more thoughtful of others and listen to them better in the here and now (which, admittedly, is part of Mom's litany of complaints): if we are going to talk harm, we'll talk harm here and now where he can improve his relationships with his grandchildren and children.
I know my sister understands we are different in our grieving, and i feel she is being sensitive to that.
--== ∞ ==--
I can't quite put my finger on my work blues, my physical fitness blues aren't helped by stress eating, and the home water system is likely invaded by a sulfurous gas exuding bacteria that made the water filter unit pitch black. Discovering the horrible blackness of the water filter yesterday grossed both Christine and i out. I'm pretty hardy and can sorta convince myself to keep drinking the water, especially after the third call with our water consultants where we got to speak with the competent person, P--. P-- assured us there wasn't a health issue, in a much more competent way than the previous two who didn't seem to recognize the issues. Sounds like my idea of bleaching the lines is what we'll likely do, except they have a clue as to how long the bleach needs to be in the lines (4 hours!). Anyhow water issues are distressing.
no subject
I drink gallons of water, literally LOL - I have a 40oz insulated tumbler and I fill it 5+ times a day, I get really tweaked if it doesn't taste right too so I totally understand
The Mom Stuff - you've read it from me, I get it. If you ever need an unattached 3rd party to just listen or commiserate with let me know - we can meet at the Farmer's Market over coffee or lunch and have an all out bitch fest, sometimes it helps
*hugs*
no subject
There's a coffee place at the Farmer's market? I've been to the seafood there and the main restaurant, which i guess you could get coffee at. (I think i've only been on weekends when the wait was crazy) Would a place like Bonafide Bakeshop & Cafe, 1232 W Williams St, Apex, NC 27502 be reachable for you? It's about 15 min closer to me, which would make it so much easier to get to. I'll dm my email & phone.
We have a pricy Kinetico filter system too. We wouldn't have managed the water without it. The previous owner was too cheap to use the 0.5 micron filters we need to get the clay out; Christine gets very distressed by the water having any color. I just want it to taste ok and i can't taste the fine clay. Anyhow, we did the bleach treatment yesterday. Lunch with the chlorine smell was no joy,and the clay suffused water (without the last 0.5 micron filtering) is now all in the pipes to slowly be flushed.
I worked through my Mom stuff for years -- in my journal, to friends, to therapists. The issue now is realizing how Mom poisoned the family dynamics after Christine transitioned. She essentially barred Christine from my sister's wedding, and my sister just found out that my dad didn't know about it. But that and other things Mom demanded or did split Christine off from my family, in general. And what i am left with is Christine's pain at that rejection -- and probably Christine has anger with me over not demanding she be treated right, but Christine can't let that anger out. In the end it's just grief.
no subject
no subject
I am a water snob for sure so I totally understand Christine's reactions.
We ended up going with a .5 micron charcoal filter and it seems to work very well. Changed every 6 months and we're not having issues
Working through Mom stuff - it sucks that we have to do things like this for our own sanity and peace. I will say I think my issues made me a better Mom to my own kids. When you're pushed up against a wall like that, as the child, it's hard to push back. I get it *hugs*
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And how terribly apt for metaphorical use.
no subject
The water when we lived in California was so lovely to drink -- snowpack melt from the Sierras.
Our well water is orange with clay normally, but at least it tastes OK and is clean.
The "city" water here comes out of the river and has PFAS pollutants from upstream, and just tastes terrible. (In the first year we lived here, I told two restaurants they had mold in their drink machines before we realized it was just the taste of the water.)
And we know California is a world of water woes. So, there's all that.
no subject