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elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Tuesday, July 9th, 2024 07:38 am

This morning, after sneezing so many times and my eyes are watering ...

i'm sneezing like, like.... what sneezes so much? A woman with allergies and three cats and a dog and a dusty house? And, ah-ha! Who forgot her antihistamine last night.

We've  ordered three new air purifiers. I think it's overkill but Christine was in a mood to throw technology at issues, i guess. We have one that's well over ten years old running in the room with the litter box: Christine plans to keep that going, although i wonder if it's worth doing so. (Whether the effectiveness and energy efficiency i far superior now) We'll add one that will be near the main air exchange intake, reasonably close to room with the litter box and where it can address the main living area. Then a smaller one for the bedroom (where Carrie and i both sleep) and the front room (where Carrie and i both spend much of the day).

The reviews stressed how energy efficient all these are. I thought briefly about wondering whether we should just get a whole house purifier to go with a whole house dehumidifier, but i'm not really clear on how a whole house purifier differs from the filters on the HVAC as it is. Presumably more power to cycle the air and more frequency?   The whole house dehumidifier would benefit from sharing some logic with the heat pump in the summer: cooling pulls out a good bit of the humidity. When it's really hot we don't need to run the dehumidifier because the cooling takes care of it. When it's not, all of us breathing increases the humidity

I know we need to get a good shop vac to clean out our vents someday. The initial shop vac purchase turned out to be a bust.  Hmm, [researches shop vacs, makes two to-dos]. [...And then the  third to actually do the vents]

elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Thursday, June 20th, 2024 07:08 am

Happy solstice! I plan to take Friday next week off to observe the change in season and get my hair done (roots touch up, probably, although maybe some fun color?)

The early June family visits are over; next big family thing is my mom's internment in Arlington National Cemetery in early August.

Christine's brother in law B has been in and out of hospital since last mentioned. Christine brought them dinner at home on Tuesday night. Wednesday at 2 am they were back in the hospital. Their state is a worry.

I've been in that procrastinate and make self miserable until last minute when then one works late just before the deadline mode. More of that today, i guess. Having a label (ADHD) helps just a little. I know there's also insecurity wound in there too. Joy.

Squirrels do a remarkable amount of crashing in the treetops to get to the mulberry tree and feast. I cannot imagine that they are harvesting the low branches i can reach unaided. I presume the reduction in harvest is that they shake the tree and the berries fall. Black berries are coming to the end and the blue berries are getting started, but plenty of pale unripe mulberries hang where i inspect and test one or two for ripeness. The mulberry tree also has webworms, which i trust will become targets for birds with many mouths to feed.

The meadow camera caught a doe with fawn last night - hurrah!  I've been fiddling with the other cam in a new location on the driveway trying for a balance that would get a vehicle pulling far enough that we could pick up a vehicle pulling in far enough to throw a many pierced squashed Natural Light beer can in the woods or take the rainbow or gubernatorial "yard" sign, but not get every single car. I need to tweak something - it got Christine coming and going to the grocery but not my amble down and back. The beer can is JUST WEIRD. Our verge receives a fairly steady  Natural Light can toss. Not quite every day but a can or two a week. There's plenty of litter that happens: i assume when we put the "Black lives matter" sign nu it was more that we gave a target for tossing the litter than anything else. When the "Black lives matter" sign crumbled from the weather, we replaced it with a gubernatorial candidate sign and a text-too-small-to-read-with-rainbow-trim sign. That sign was gone within a week. Two weeks? It was quick. It's been replaced by a bold rainbow flag sign and we have a back up in the house.

Christine was agitated about protecting the sign, i had more of a shrug attitude about it. But early this week i found a beer can in the woods where i cannot imagine it arriving via the usual toss out the window of moving vehicle. And it had LOTS OF HOLES. I've gotten different opinions on BBs, birdshot, or just someone poking holes in it. Subsequent investigation seems to indicate the holes all are bent in -- no exit wounds. If it was meant to be a message, it's really a poorly constructed one  (sign stolen, shot, and returned is a message, this -- isn't that). It is littering, and it could simply be someone pulling off the road into a driveway with a dark house in the distance at night, drinking a beer, and then taking out aggression on the can while, i dunno, making a phone call? And then chunking the open but empty container because NC has an open container law that would make the empty can in the vehicle an offense.

I've always figured we were one beer can's distance from some job site, and the sign just makes a nice target for tossing the can out of the vehicle.

I suppose delivery drivers and guests would appreciate a little more light on the driveway but i like dark skies.

elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Sunday, April 21st, 2024 09:58 pm

So we invited folks over: my niece, sister, and her husband came over Friday night for a little belated birthday celebration  and just visiting. The night was mild and we hung out and had pizza on the newly painted back deck.

Before they arrived Christine had done the usual house prep, and i scrubbed the front porch of pollen and trampled magnolia petals, mowed the circle and the little front patch, and significantly improved the cleanliness of the entrance hall. It was not a perfect job, but it was the job i could do with the time at hand. It's better. Yay!

Then we were expecting a friend from California to arrive for an overnight stay. I spent a good while arranging the masses of dried flowers, partly because a bunch were hanging over the guest bed by the fan. I now have three lovely bouquets -- just in time to be picking live flowers,  but whatever. They'll give me pleasure. We also did all sorts of other prep, so lots of tasks all caught up at once.

Dried daffodils and roses are punctuated with beebalm and a native mint. Roses and contrasting lenten roses provide lower interest while four liatris wands exclaim over a large bunch of elephant's foot Dried grasses and a multitude of different flowers create contrasts in shapes and textures

It was intense having company so much, yet a pleasure.

  • Thinking about Mikołaj Grynberg's I'd like to say sorry, but there's no one to say sorry to (Poland and its Jewish citizens)
  • Thinking about flash fiction in the form of questions
  • Lots of feelings and judgements about housekeeping
  • Lots of feelings and judgements about my staying in touch with people
  • Noting Marlowe has brought in two voles today, an anole was in the house on Saturday, and Christine had to take a skink from Marlowe on Friday
  • Wondering if the field cam will be more responsive after a day of sunshine.
  • Wondering about the value of my wildlife cam observations, wanting to be scientific, but i am so behind. Yet another coyote, and gosh the deer just hang out in the meadow now that i did some mowing and new growth is coming in
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elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Saturday, April 6th, 2024 08:42 am

gas can

I could not find the telephoto lens' solar filter last night. Looking for it triggered all sorts of critical thoughts, some at the household for are shared disorganization, some at myself for what is in my control. I think i have mostly corralled all the camera equipment in one box now, so that's a step forward. I did find a mount and little tripod i could take for the cell phone camera. (And since i can use my watch as a remote trigger, that will actually be helpful.)

Christine asked if not finding something was ADHD, and i restrained myself from pointing out how she didn't know where all the kit for the GoPro was, but just observed that we both have a lot of kit and we haven't found places for everything to go. This is where i think both our families of origin didn't help us. My Mom had a magazine level standard for how things should appear but her own ADHD meant there was also chaos . And since she and dad had so much friction, he didn't have spaces where he could model order. Christine's family was more happy with clutter, and Christine is very much a magpie, with so much kit and the many stacks of books.

Months ago i had said to myself taking the SLR would be low priority, so while it resembled an ADHD last minute panic, it wasn't. It was an opportunity to look for all the bits of camera kit and try and get them in one place: more of the ADHD hyperfocus. And the fact i can't find the filters and can't clearly remember my intentions around camera filters is frustrating me no end. Did the solar filter get ruined in an unfortunate cat incident that i have wrapped in layers of self shame and disgust? Or are there filters stashed somewhere safe, and i'll find them in five years when i finally have space for all my kit? I can't imagine WHERE i would find them, but SIGH.

This week was very draining at work, but i did go for two work walks and one walk with Christine and Carrie. By the end of the week i also was using the standing desk. I hope i can pull myself out of the sourness i've had. I do wonder if there was a bounce to euphoria when my coughing stopped and then March was a dip when breathing wasn't a panacea for everything. the gas can

elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Wednesday, April 3rd, 2024 07:39 am

notes, weather, household

Busy, i presume with focus on the eclipse road trip planning after a weekend with family. I am also learning substack, as a place to share longform posts under my public name, and instagram, to weasel my way into my niblings' lives. Eldest nibling is not found on Instagram yet. So it goes.

Sports: great LSU vs Iowa women's basketball game. Have enjoyed watching the NCSU men's team as well. So tickled NCSU  women's and men's teams are going to final four. The women's championship is while i am driving to Indiana and the men's while i am in Indiana. I have figured out the radio stations that might carry the men's game at the campground.

Learned how to use instagram's editor and posted this there, as well, with words on it. No music, no hyping over-speaking.

Sunday my raingage thermometer hit 93°. Raleigh had its record pollen count on Monday, no fooling, 1.48 times the count of the next highest record pollen count.  I've been watching the high flying fireflies the past three nights (not as unusual as that seems). The wall of green is going up, but i can still see some sky. Today's high is 74°, low 44° and some nights ahead with lows in the mid 30s, which means i should cover the blueberries.

Eclipse weather changes EVERY TIME i look. Damp probably, but not so much to turn me off. I am going to see how comfortable the jeep's seats are when reclined and check on running a tarp from the roof. We'll be getting tents from my sister, but....

Getting the deck stained because the wood is suffering from the elements. Power washed yesterday - top step had a pretty rotten spot (due to me having planters on the wood, i wager. Kinda worried how it will look with all the weathered wood siding, but taking care of one of the many things that needs to be done is good. Way expensive job, but we really like this tradesperson. Christine spent time talking radio and X-files with him, so i think she's happy coordinating this work. notes, weather, household

elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Saturday, December 23rd, 2023 06:24 am

 lj-tags: observe, night watch, morning watch, sky, household

Written on Friday, Dec 22

Happy Solstice (a bit after). I'm hoping for health top return and for lots of yard work before the sun returns in full force.

Last night the moon shone so bright, i could see shadows. Jupiter dazzled close by. Coming home from the restaurant Kanki i gazed at the moon through the car's sun roof. When we passed by street lights i could see our entwined hands reflected in the glass. Moon, hands, moon, hands, as we drove the bypass around Chapel Hill. We had a party to celebrate our engagement 33 years and a few days ago at the Kanki in Raleigh. My family was living in Florida at the time and many of the people i had known had moved away (including me - -i was living in Philly), so most of the people were from Christine's radio life. I barely remember the event.

We now have matching  winter nightgowns from Lands End in a starry print with a cow jumping over the moon. Also not in my memory or in Christine's was the little rhyme about that.

This morning Arcturus shone through the clouds, but Venus was dimmed.

Today a plumber comes. I am 50% sure i could fix what's wrong with the toilet but it would be really nice to have it back soon. After the very long saga of the light above the stove, buying the wrong bulb and the jammed screw, I am ok with paying someone else deal with the clay coated tank and resolve the issue promptly. I suspect the company Christine picked is backed by private equity[1], with their shiny fleet of well branded vans and their excellent customer service. It's not just some single plumber with their cousin tasked to answer phones. I have mixed feelings about it -- about private equity buying up little independent companies like this -- but the professionalism is nice.

[1] https://www.themiddlemarket.com/news-analysis/why-private-equity-is-chasing-plumbers-and-lumber-yards

elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Saturday, December 23rd, 2023 06:23 am

Written on Friday, Dec 22

Happy Solstice (a bit after). I'm hoping for health top return and for lots of yard work before the sun returns in full force.

Last night the moon shone so bright, i could see shadows. Jupiter dazzled close by. Coming home from the restaurant Kanki i gazed at the moon through the car's sun roof. When we passed by street lights i could see our entwined hands reflected in the glass. Moon, hands, moon, hands, as we drove the bypass around Chapel Hill. We had a party to celebrate our engagement 33 years and a few days ago at the Kanki in Raleigh. My family was living in Florida at the time and many of the people i had known had moved away (including me - -i was living in Philly), so most of the people were from Christine's radio life. I barely remember the event.

We now have matching  winter nightgowns from Lands End in a starry print with a cow jumping over the moon. Also not in my memory or in Christine's was the little rhyme about that.

This morning Arcturus shone through the clouds, but Venus was dimmed.

Today a plumber comes. I am 50% sure i could fix what's wrong with the toilet but it would be really nice to have it back soon. After the very long saga of the light above the stove, buying the wrong bulb and the jammed screw, I am ok with paying someone else deal with the clay coated tank and resolve the issue promptly. I suspect the company Christine picked is backed by private equity[1], with their shiny fleet of well branded vans and their excellent customer service. It's not just some single plumber with their cousin tasked to answer phones. I have mixed feelings about it -- about private equity buying up little independent companies like this -- but the professionalism is nice.

[1] https://www.themiddlemarket.com/news-analysis/why-private-equity-is-chasing-plumbers-and-lumber-yards

elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Thursday, October 19th, 2023 09:47 pm


I loved the colors: the dark clouds in silhouette against the twilight to sunset gradient of the sky. I didn't capture Mars, bright but hidden by trees or clouds as we drove home. The moon hung young in the sky.

I'm trying to decide if $15/month is a good price for identity theft insurance through open enrollment at work. I can pay $19/month and Norton Lifelock can also monitor my home title -- or i could set a reminder to look at the deed site. And it's good i looked because in August someone typoed my name with a b instead of a d .... And there are names actually spelled that way. Well, learn something new... Wirecutter claims the monitoring by these organizations isn't really worth it and underscores they do nothing to prevent issues. There's a slight value in that i get an email reminding me to go look at my credit report once a month, but i could go back to doing that quarterly (or every three months?) through the free credit report. But the insurance...


Million Dollar Protection™ Package†††
• Stolen Funds Reimbursement
• Personal Expense Compensation
• Coverage for Lawyers and Experts

Reimbursement and Expense Compensation, each with limits of up to $1 million for Norton LifeLock Benefit Essential, Norton LifeLock Benefit Premier, ... and up to $1 million for
coverage for lawyers and experts if needed, for all plans. Benefits under the Master Policy are issued and covered by United Specialty Insurance Company.... Policy terms, conditions and exclusions at: NortonLifeLock.com/legal.



The exclusions include the "expected" - war/terrorism, radiation (??) -- but also theft by someone known and by negligence, including a stolen wallet. Also, "Negligence specifically includes, but is not limited to, Your failure to review the Account Statement for each of Your Accounts at least every twelve months."

Christine had found that someone had stolen her identity to get phone service a couple years ago. It was a hassle to get cleared up, but i don't think we would have gotten $180 out of it.
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elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Sunday, October 15th, 2023 02:02 pm
Last Monday i made a highly satisfactory loaf of buckwheat blender bread. I added rehydrated and blended dried figs from 2022 as part of the liquid, that worked fairly well but the previous loaf with chunks of dried figs and dates held promise.

This loaf included one packet of dated-2015 quick yeast. Maybe that helped a little with the fermentation. I also think i did a better job getting the oven warm enough to support fermentation without overwarming. The first rise of the batter went well, and the second in the pan filled up the pullman pan. The loaf is very moist and probably could have benefited from true baking instead of convection bake: it sank a little in cooling.

Roasted sprouted groats in pan; buckwheat blender bread loaf below


I continue to be happy with my toasted buckwheat groats as cereal.

This weekend i made barley out of well soaked and just barely sprouting grain. It's going to be a pleasant preparation for grain bowls, and i can imagine dressing in a minty chimichurri would be divine. I spent some time reading and discerned the easy to get pearled barley is the "highly processed" choice. You can get hulled barley, where the barley is processed to remove the hull, or there is hulless barley -- which come from a number of selections where the grain falls out and threshing and doesn't need to be processed. There's some black and purple versions with various stories behind them. My guess is that like corn and other grasses, the color genes are there to be selected and stewarded in multiple cases. I'm imagining growing a hulless barley someday. Let's get the sorghum seed grown fro dried flower arrangement, first.

The week was disjoint and frustrating with internet outage, an attempt to get a blood panel done that failed due to overworked doctor failing to give good instructions and put through the lab order, and general malaise. I took much of Thursday and all Friday off. I realized that with the nasal surgery, i wouldn't be able to distinguish between a head-cold and a sinus infection. A tele-visit concurred that i probably had a sinus infection, so i have antibiotics and an increase in the asthma meds to help me perk back up.

We have a couch from "Rooms to Go" which is probably a better quality than Ikea, but not by much. We've been using it very regularly for six and a half years, so it's been a bit worn out. I've been thinking about how to improve it. The springs are a little tired, so i've found seating slats that can distribute weight more across the springs. We've installed those: a clear win. I've bought foam to replace the seat and back cushions: that's in progress. I am uncertain about how satisfactory my plans for the back are. It's lines are not well matched to most current slipcovers, so that took a long time to sort out. I believe i have found some adequate solutions in grey. And i bought some spiral upholstery pins that may assist with keeping things from going too askew. So far it looks sloppy and terrible, and i have Internal JudgyJudgyJudgy Voice going on, I'm trying to remind myself that it's not done yet. But, wow, am i self critical.

Friday i met my sister and Dad and we went through some of Mom's jewelry and some of Dad's things. There were pieces that told stories about family: tie pins from one of my Dad's employers and pins and charms from my grandmother's long service with Ma Bell. Pins my grandfather gave my grandmother to show he was a submariner and a similar pin from my SeaBee father to my mother. My parents' wedding rings. Instead of trying to split those up, we decided to pool them and have them all mounted and framed together as a family history. Someday maybe the nephews and nieces will split it, or maybe one will have become the clear family historian.

My Dad apparently was left a little down by it, and i had mixed feelings too. Missing my brother a little, but also the -- frustration and judgement i feel about his family and their sense of care of things felt heavy.

I will try this week to post more often, and more briefly. We'll see! My follow through on self commitments is not what i would like, lately.
elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Thursday, October 5th, 2023 01:30 pm
Light went out in over-stove microwave a week or so ago. Christine had just gotten the dehumidifier replacement handled and was Unhappy. I quickly tracked down part and installation technique. Part has been here a while and yesterday i put it down as a condition of enoughness (IE: one thing that i can do to say i got the things done for that day). Dinner didn't need the stove, and only the microwave briefly. There was time between groceries and dinner: i had opportunity. I had all the tools, knowledge and parts: means. So i kicked myself in the motivator.

Three screws out easy, fourth stuck. Not the most ergonomic situation, pressing up on the driver into the screw trying to get the leverage to make it budge. I took the filters out, long overdue for a cleaning, cleaned those, applied WD-40. Eventually, we fubar'ed the Phillips head slot.

The internet let me know there are such things as screw extractors. Lowes was open for another 45 minutes so i drove over, had a sales person look at the screw and they picked out the teensy tinest screw extractor. The little tool mount they had would not hold the extractor: took a few pokes for them to look at 5/64 of an inch and conclude that actually, that was smaller than 1/4". So i should use a crescent wrench. That sounded like a disaster, so i bought locking pliers (has been on my, "I bet it would be useful to have" list for a while).

I tried again, but i think i need a third hand -- i don't think i can apply the upwards pressure and turn. Christine asked for me to put it off. I internet'ed and ordered another set of crew extractors that look like they would fit in our driver, and ponder using my drill with the tiny bit.

This morning i started trying to get the filters back in and the carbon filters will not stick in their slot and my back spasmed well and good. BLEEP.

This is why quick little projects never bleeping ever get bleeping done.

I told work i was out, thinking i would just skip meetings, but as soon as i told work, my skull reminded me of yesterday's headache, my chest and sinuses reminded me of the low grade congestion, and my concentration disappeared. And then it was 12:45? And coherency hasn't returned but coffee has perked me up.

--== ∞ ==--

One of the things i have learned about ADHD is that there's a outsized reaction to criticism, or implicit criticism, or judgement, or the potential for judgement. I'm trying to identify it more often and push back from the feeling. Recently, i couldn't push all the way back and wanted to talk about it. At lunch i asked my sister AITA and told her the story, from my point of view, and got a resounding no, followed by agreement about what the appropriate actions should have been, and also a little commiseration. ("Women should not be afraid to piss other people off," she quoted from somewhere, noting acculturation to prioritize getting along over many other things.)


After i got home i found myself thinking, "But AITA for telling L-- the story and asking her AITA?"


Yay, i have reached recursive insecurity.

*rolling my eyes at my brain*
elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Tuesday, September 26th, 2023 09:10 pm
Still physically healthy. Yay!

Really down. Boo.

I got worried that all the receipts from travel that i had emailed to me ended up getting lost. It turned out it took some time for my email to all get downloaded to my work laptop: they were all (well, many more) there this afternoon.

I traveled on Southwest this trip. On Monday i was anxious about my carry-on baggage having overhead room from my position around the 90th to board. Worked out OK. Friday i was even more delayed in checking in, and ended up around 120th to board. I gave into the extortion and paid to be moved to the front of the line for boarding.

On Monday i wrote about my concern about boarding and then relief that it was OK.

I continued:

There seem to be fewer Masks this trip compared the flight last December, although I don't know if Southwest skews.

I spent so much time with anxiety over packing and prep [the weekend before the flight]. I know that this is all the ADHD Stuff. I travel so rarely that I can't quite remember what I successfully did last time.

The weekend was waves of stress - perhaps anxiety is more correct- would I remember what I needed, would I pack it right? I spent along time waffling on whether to check luggage. Shoes drive me nuts: what to wear for comfort? But looks professional? (At least for the lowered standards of the tech and academic world.) The first time I traveled after living in NC, my feet were so accustomed to either house slippers or boots, wearing shoes created huge blisters.

I finally decided to just wear the newly dyed blue boots on the plane. If has been a fine decision and took one thing out of luggage. I can get them off fast enough at the security scan, and get them back on reasonably.

While packing, I ended up purging almost all the small travel sized things: handfuls of chapstick, hand sanitizer that expired six years ago! It can expire? Whatever. All in the trash.

I thought about my mom's purses and the cabinets full of similar stuff that we (my sister, mainly) cleaned out after her death. There is a spiral of triggers for collecting the items. One of them -- "I know I had X but I can't find it" -- plagued me as I packed. Having many copies theoretically means that you can easily find one when you need it. (l eventually found those things i was looking for as well as other items on my lost list this weekend.) There's the guilt of waste: must use everything up. The fear of the discomfort of being without. With the skin issues Mom and I shared, it isn't just discomfort but also knowledge how irritations can trigger flares. I still think with horror of a work trip where dry skin lead to a raw, weeping rash over half my face. Be prepared with every lotion and salve!

I have so few items compared to mom but I had no idea how old, how germy, the ones I have were. So I am going to TRY to not have tons of different chapsticks and lotions, try to keep redundancy down. I threw out a bowl of cough drops at least four years old. And I threw out a bottle of suede protector that was from the early aughts. (I had to ask Christine for advice as I dithered over whether to use it or not.)

Decluttering feels a bit like wasting things. I know one of the ADHD strategies some folks have is just have lots of backup for when you misplace things. Maybe I will drive myself nuts trying to keep track of stuff. But it also felt good to get rid of the bottles of stuff that i had no memory of how long it;s been sitting around.

In the opposite direction of throwing things out, I did accept a very large bin of canning jars from Mom's effects as Dad cleaned his garage. I've bought a collection of bamboo lids for the jars - canister style. Syringes for Luigi's meds, needle tips from Edward's meds, clutter of all my skin meds are now stashed in jars. I think that's going to help ease another aspect of clutter that creates an undercurrent that contributes to me feeling overwhelmed.

I'm not quite sure What is inspiring he decluttering. So far it's just been a bit here and a bit there. There is a little more ease than before, so I am noticing the benefit.
elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Saturday, August 19th, 2023 09:45 pm
I'm doing better.

On Wednesday i could see two fawns eating the base of the bearsfoot with a cloud of tiger swallowtails around them. The bearsfoot (Smallanthus uvedalia)is an amazingly good wildlife plant. It grows from small sprouts in mid April to a towering colony of big green leaves on thick stems crowned with yellow daisy like flowers. The flowers aren't as pretty as other summer yellow daisy-like flowers, but the pollinators adore them especially the tiger swallowtails. I've seen humming birds at them as well as all sorts of bees and a variety of butterflies, but the swallowtails are so large that seeing a dozen or more working their way around is remarkable. The seeds will start forming soon, and then songbirds will start dining as well. The stems are home to overwintering bees.

Marlowe's predation this week: last Sunday, a young bunny. Friday, a cotton rat.

Figs ripening. I missed the first ones - ants and wasps found them. They're all high in the top of the tree. Maybe this will motivate me to prune it back more significantly this fall.

There are two chestnut clusters ripening in the west-most chestnut tree: squeee!!

Of the early summer processing of green walnuts and peaches, the green peaches in sugar has been the best. It's a syrup of divine aroma. The other green peach efforts suffered by the fruit being too green. The green walnuts never worked for me, really. The ground green walnuts up with figs turned out ok, although i do thing that had more to do with the figs and good cinnamon. Some green walnuts simmered in syrup had operator error in the cooking as the syrup is very stiff and caramelized. I've saved it as i can imagine using the syrup in some figgy concoction, not unlike the fig marmalade.

I've not used the dehydrator except to dry some lemon peel. I'm imagining making a furikakae inspired mix of lemon peel, mint, and poppy seeds to sprinkle on things. The furikakae i made with (very old) nori and freshly bought sesame seed (and some other things i'd have to look up) has been lovely with tomatoes and cottage cheese and tomato sandwiches. There was a New York Times recipe for tomato sandwiches that i gave a side eye, but since i had the old nori i decided to give it a try and i am so glad i did.

Work is OK. I did spend some time this week trying to catch up with stacks of flagged emails and to-dos, and feel a little less flailing. I'm letting myself take the time to go through notes at ends of meetings. I am using a tool that is essentially an audible check-list, allowing time to do each thing on the list. So i have a 30 minutes of "time boxes" to do things like look at email, the chat, my notes, the ticketing system, etc. I'm finding these audio check lists great help in all sorts of daily things -- i assume people who develop habits can lean on them the way i am the list.

Christine went and bought a PlayStation gaming console in ... June. I think i've mentioned. I didn't think i would be interested. But i started playing with the game that came with the console (Astro's playroom) and ... it essentially teaches how to play video games. It was cute, and i could find things just at my ability level. Meanwhile, i was watching Christine play Jedi Survivor, learning the visual vocabulary of the game and enjoying the storyline. Eventually, i decided i would play and ... wow, it's engaging. I am surprised how engaged i am.

I will admit it is a distraction, along with all the other distractions.

Still coping without a dishwasher.

We need to repair the damage carpenter bees and woodpeckers have done to the house. I am not having luck getting recommendations on NextDoor, so now chasing various handyman posts.
elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Thursday, August 3rd, 2023 01:13 pm
I forgot to mention that the Best Buy folks had given us a nice three hour window on Tueday for delivery. During that window we got the call that the team had checked the dishwasher and found it was ... missing parts??!! ... and a new one would be ordered.

The new delivery date is 26 August. Good grief.
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elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Thursday, July 6th, 2023 06:46 am
Good news: our long term HVAC folks came by (not making Christine irritated by some miracle, as she had waved them off wanting to get input from another company) and fixed the condensation drainage issue. Christine is happy with the solution.

Bad news: dishwasher isn't washing any more, no water getting in. Probably could be fixed, maybe, by a willing to fix fix it person, but it is a very old dishwasher. I am pleased someone jiggled the right things to fix it after the house inspection found it not working, but i will be happy to get a very modern dishwasher now.

Depending on how quickly that can happen.

--== MORE NOTES FROM THE LONG WEEKEND ==--

Did cook the last giant butternut squash. Waiting for the air conditioning to be stable before roasting the seeds. Think making the butternut-mac-and-cheese for dinner both put moisture and heat in the house, that meant the air conditioning ran out of condensation storage early last night.

* butternut-mac-and-cheese: YES!
* roasted butternut and cucumber salad: interesting. (Also, bell pepper, a hard cheese, toasted pecans, a few craisins, ancho, sumac, black pepper) Maybe with more salt and some sort of acid

Next - maybe dehydrate the rest of the mashed squash?

--== ∞ ==--

Currently in gladiolus madness. They keep being beaten down by rain so i'm picking them and bringing them in. And the deer haven't been eating the ones outside the fences! The pink and yellow (Priscilla, maybe?) are nearing the end of their bloom. There are a few of the salmon pink glads coming into bloom ("Rose supreme" maybe). Beginning blooming in between is a magenta glad (possibly "Plum tart"). I'd planted them outside the fence and haven't seen many of the flowers (thank you deer) but the glad happy deer have moved on (or i just got to the flowers first). I also dug up some of the bulbs to move in the fence to the no-food for dodder bed, so some have bloomed there.

--== ∞ ==--

* Flour had bugs but cornstarch worked for roux.
elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Wednesday, July 5th, 2023 07:48 am
Not working: the air conditioning. Still, after a visit from the heating and air team yesterday. We think the line wasn't leveled after they installed a T site for us to insert algecide tablets.

This means more trips to our (really nice and clean, wrapped in white heavy plastic) crawl space.

I spent 40 min July 4th morning morning looking for an alternative company because Christine's frustrated with the folks we use -- I think she's much more happy with impersonal corporate service where there's more process.

I'm exhausted. I did read a lot.

* Asteroid City. Focus Features, Indian Paintbrush, American Empirical Pictures, 2023.

(Not reading) Last Thursday with my siblings' families. My first theater since COVID. enjoyed.

* Janssen, Victoria, and Kalikoi Books. Dissenter Rebellion: The Rattri Extraction, 2023.

This is a back story to Janssen's Finding Refuge trilogy, which i enjoyed. I don't know how Janssen makes a rebellion action *cozy* but i love the sense awareness of the main character and seeing how she comes to connect to the others in her rebellion cell. Will read more

* Kabi, Nagata. My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness. Illustrated edition. Seven Seas, 2017.

I read three of these manga and have multiple feelings. One is a sense of being so different because of coming of age before the internet was the way it was for this author: she finds a responsive audience for her stories and that provides a thread she can hold onto in deep depression. I also wonder how different the internet experience is now for my niblings.

* Lupton, E. H. Dionysus in Wisconsin.

Very fun, look forward to more stories from this universe.

* Martine, Arkady. A Memory Called Empire.

Loved the intensity, loved the ethical challenge presented to the ambassador to the empire from a small as-yet-independent community. My main thought about sequels is that continuing to deal with imperial power is a hard slog: i hope Martine can honor the complexities of such a slog.

* Pratchett, Terry. I Shall Wear Midnight.

Fun, escaped.
elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Sunday, July 2nd, 2023 07:34 am
So, air conditioning failed on Friday due to the drain line being clogged. Read more... ) Rinse and repeat until we hear from HVAC folks.
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elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Sunday, August 21st, 2022 02:43 pm
Woo-hoo, I am the champion: i have all my Dad's apple device on the same Apple ID that has all his history, turned on MFA, synced his keychain (ie: apple's password manager, more or less), changed the email address that manages the account to his address instead of my mothers (an account no one has really looked at in YEARS). Getting the Apple IDs straightened out has been something i have been slowly inching along at for months, even before my mother died.

All morning plus too many cookies.

--== ∞ ==--

Yesterday i spent the whole time getting a bunch of tasks prioritized. boooorrrring )

--== ∞ ==--

I want to reply to comments, and so hold off on writing so i can get to comments, but then i don't and then i am quiet. So, hi!

Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday were spoiled by sanitizing our internal plumbing and by replacing the 1998 Ranger shopping. To sanitize the plumbing the 0.5 micron filter was removed and much chlorine added -- and then unfiltered (muddy) water with chlorine was distributed around the whole house until orange water came from every faucet. Ugh. Then we let that sit for hours, and then we had to flush. And flush. And flush. I was hypersensitive to the scent of chlorine and somewhat distressed by it for the next days.

The vehicle shopping was something i think we could have avoided, but Christine was feeling like it was needed. As of Friday, she's decided it's unlikely we will find a bargain, after she test drove a vehicle that had to be jumped to get started. And the doors didn't close. We have hired The Lemon Squad to check out a vehicle that looks too good to be true an hour plus drive away. This is great in my opinion: it's both getting a mechanic to look at it (because i will never trust a random mechanic near a used car dealer to NOT be paid off) and getting information from a test drive without over two hours of road trip. The frustrating part is once we initiated the inspection, there's no refund, so even though we've "given up" there's still what happens if the inspection completes with good news tomorrow. On the other hand, if the vehicle sells this weekend, then we have to find another vehicle to be inspected in the next 90 days.
elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Thursday, August 11th, 2022 06:55 am
There's a promise of pleasant weather for this weekend where the "highs" of 85F (29.4 C) are the sames as the "feels like". Yesterday's high was an unremarkable 96F (35.6 C) so bloth lower temperatures and lower humidity seem miraculous. I have dreams of doing that probably far outstrip my spoons, but i think i can start mowing down stilt grass and i'm delighted to start.

I don't know what i'm going to do about the garden in the circle that has been taken over what is locally called goosegrass (Eleusine indica). String trimmer than flame? I note it greens up pretty quickly even after the flame thrower in the drive.

And i also want to start flame clearing some areas inside the orchard of forbs and grasses to plant some natives. I'm thinking that i can get some of the native plants i want (and have pre-paid for) and plant them in some vegetable garden locations and pots while burning away through the first flush of winter weeds.

--== ∞ ==--

I've had some grief-proximate waves this week that left me very drained. There's something about realizing you are the only person who had quite as miserable a relationship with your mother. Because she fixated on me, i think my brother was somewhat ignored. So his is a very different miserable relationship. And my Dad adored her while being enmeshed in their arguments and fights. He asserted on our drive Saturday morning that "maybe things started going bad" after he retired. I quickly corrected him, and then quickly shut myself up before i started on a long list of memories that i didn't need to resurrect.

Right now i want to tell my six year old self, setting off in the woods with a loaf of bread and peanut butter, that it is OK to return home. She is not why her parents fight, and she is not responsible for her mother being so miserable. She is a great kid, and she's doing great taking care of herself. Stick with the books, kid. You'll get through.

I don't think my Dad really understood the level i filled in for him as a target when he was gone, and i don't think i need him to know. I need Dad to become more thoughtful of others and listen to them better in the here and now (which, admittedly, is part of Mom's litany of complaints): if we are going to talk harm, we'll talk harm here and now where he can improve his relationships with his grandchildren and children.

I know my sister understands we are different in our grieving, and i feel she is being sensitive to that.

--== ∞ ==--

I can't quite put my finger on my work blues, my physical fitness blues aren't helped by stress eating, and the home water system is likely invaded by a sulfurous gas exuding bacteria that made the water filter unit pitch black. Discovering the horrible blackness of the water filter yesterday grossed both Christine and i out. I'm pretty hardy and can sorta convince myself to keep drinking the water, especially after the third call with our water consultants where we got to speak with the competent person, P--. P-- assured us there wasn't a health issue, in a much more competent way than the previous two who didn't seem to recognize the issues. Sounds like my idea of bleaching the lines is what we'll likely do, except they have a clue as to how long the bleach needs to be in the lines (4 hours!). Anyhow water issues are distressing.
elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Thursday, June 23rd, 2022 07:23 am
Yay, oral prednisone prescription to fight the asthma. The weather has been so mild and i have been so lethargic. I have a mild cranky for a might-have-been if i'd had the steroids two weeks ago. Whatever.

It's been 13 hours since the first dose, and Christine notices the cough is decreasing. I had a brief fling with feeling energized and optimistic earlier today -- oh, please, bring on the side effect of "inappropriate happiness"! It has waned.

Lessons learned from this asthma bout: go to the rescue inhaler ASAP and see about beating back the lung irritation early. Also, double dose of inhaled steroid ASAP. I don't want another long bout of coughing and exhaustion again.

Is the CPAP helping? How could i tell? I currently ascribe most of my energy and aspect to the asthma flare. Is grief mixed in? Maybe?

--== ∞ ==--

My mind passes to my parents 50th wedding anniversary and the challenge of drafting a message that was honest but also sounded positive. I'm happy to have resolved the anger and pain years ago. I can find the pain if i look for it, but -- especially with a frame of understanding of her struggling with ADHD -- i have more compassion for her. Christine even says she has found more compassion for Mom.

I think of the person my mother has been with the dementia, the change before the stroke had already eroded so much. Yet seeing Mom stripped by the stroke and dementia of the anxiety and anger and bitterness and laughing and smiling was a gift.

--== ∞ ==--

We fiddled with our land line today [Wednesday]. It turns out the digital phone + answering machine gadget was misbehaving on the line, preventing us from successfully answering calls (resulting in incessant ringing) and killing the dial tone. I was happy we did figure out it was our issue before engaging to much with CenturyLink. So, do we get a new phone? Are landlines silly? My sister has gotten StarLink and has incredible speeds. I don't think we have a clear enough sky view, and i don't want to cut down trees, necessarily. There's an app that has you scan the sky with your smart phone camera, and it wasn't happy with the sky views i had. Doing the check from the roof would be the next step, but i do have mixed feelings about starlink. Will our roadside ever be ripped up to deliver fiber?

--== ∞ ==--

After experiments with smashed cucumber, i tried English cucumber unsmashed, and unsmashed and drained. Then unsmashed and drained was with a scant handful of blueberries and chiffonade of spearmint and anise hyssop. Draining cucumbers does make a difference, i think: dressing them with a little salt (and perhaps sugar) and letting that pull liquid out leaves a slightly more cucumbery cucumber. I'm not sure the smashing does anything for me, but i didn't try the cubes with dressing.
elainegrey: Inspired by Grypping/gripping beast styles from Nordic cultures (Default)
Tuesday, February 15th, 2022 06:24 am
I woke this morning, thinking about yesterday evening. I'd gotten off work wrung out by context switching and pressure. I'd craved snacks and indulged to fight the blues that swallowed me.

Was that more self medicating, the sense i needed SOMETHING, and sugar or salt might make it better (but no)?

Maybe, maybe, i should see if an ADHD diagnosis is appropriate and if i should try other ADHD meds.

--== ∞ ==--

So the upholstery on our couch could stand washing. Oh, look, zippers! I could run these through the wash! This morning i started. Ughh: the back cushions are just loos fiber fill. Fine. I can protect that while the wash and dry cycles run. But the seat cushions - there's "tufting". At the base of the bundled up sheets of foam there's discs of plastic and an anchor for a fabric tape that runs through the foam and then the cushion cover is stitched to the tape. That keeps the fabric from sliding off the foam -- and it may also be keeping the foam strips all structurally connected.

UGH.

Ponder.

Maybe if i replace the seat cushions with one solid piece of foam the absence of tufting wouldn't be such an issue.
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