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Yesterday's morning's focus was on getting out a plan for the next two months. There's some art to this sort of goal setting, the same as with new year resolutions. I want to find the way that is authentic to me, not conforming to the usual New Years resolutions as in magazine articles and "Getting Things Done" type blog post, not conforming to the business advice gurus' ideas of success. I want to keep things open for opportunity, serendipity, and the vagaries of my energy or my employment, but i don't want to be so directionless and unguided that i simply stay in the rut between work and home. I need to prepare for opportunity and possibility.
It seems that "everybody" does this more naturally than i, but i have to note it's just done differently. I admit that the record keeping and paper trail is just as much about fighting future depression as it is about shaping that future. It's so easy for me to overlook what i've done, to under represent how i've changed and grown: i am always comparing the actuality with the immensity of the possibility.
So, little adjustments, little nudges, ongoing.
--==++==--
I called my dad as i drove to work and chatted with him over our shared birthday. He and i had a diverting discussion of, essentially, his idea of having people and organizations that are "Global Warming deniers" put up money to cover the losses of coastal residents due to ocean level changes. His idea is framed in a far more entertaining way, but it's his idea. As a colleague has said, either it's crazy or he should be getting started right now.
My grandmother called me at work. I read her card when i got home, asking me to spend the money on Bling! (Is a portable selfpowered firewire drive bling?)
A large bouquet of daffodils arrived. Actually, it seemed small, because all the buds were tightly closed, but in water and out in the light on my desk, the buds have unfurled to gorgeous fluted trumpets. Hurrah for daffodils, and -- some sibling who sent them to me. I suspected my brother: the FTD packaging was so glossy and "executive." But, no, later email revealed it was my sister,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lola_kristine!
My colleague, whose last day it was, and another and i went out for lunch, to celebrate both my birthday and her retirement. She slipped away while the team was in a two hour long meeting: last days are hard.
I had not felt i could make plans with Christine, given other things going on with work, but i was able to leave work at 5 pm, and the sun had come out. So we went and walked along the bayshore in the twilight, listening and watching all the waterbirds, night herons and Canada geese commuting in opposite directions to their evening roosts.
We ended up having dinner out at a pleasant neighborhood place in Midtown Palo Alto, Mike's Cafe. Then home for cake and Christine's delightful gift of wonderfully mastered vinyl copies of Led Zep I-IV. The last time i really *listened* was probably cassettes in a boom box, so any form would have probably revealed new dimensions to the sound, but i think even i could hear audiophillic distinctions of separation and clarity. It was wonderful, although i realized Christine thought these were original pressings (in near virgin state), and they're actually from a company ClassicRecords.com, which aims to fulfill the analogue audio ideal of perfection.
--==++==--
This morning has been a bit rough. Stressful email from my boss simultaneously with a call from parents at the first moments of my opening the computers and drinking the first bit of tea.
kibbles has written about how the LJ friends list can seem similar to Meeting for Worship. There's something to that -- but one difference is sometimes the personal sharing (the grief, the pain) shared in our journals is more than is revealed at my Meeting's worship. In responding to other's pain and grief, sometimes i inadvertently open my own emotions, and i found that happening, obliquely this morning.
It's my first day working at home, too, since the new security policies have been put in place, so i have to figure out how to balance both computers.
It seems that "everybody" does this more naturally than i, but i have to note it's just done differently. I admit that the record keeping and paper trail is just as much about fighting future depression as it is about shaping that future. It's so easy for me to overlook what i've done, to under represent how i've changed and grown: i am always comparing the actuality with the immensity of the possibility.
So, little adjustments, little nudges, ongoing.
--==++==--
I called my dad as i drove to work and chatted with him over our shared birthday. He and i had a diverting discussion of, essentially, his idea of having people and organizations that are "Global Warming deniers" put up money to cover the losses of coastal residents due to ocean level changes. His idea is framed in a far more entertaining way, but it's his idea. As a colleague has said, either it's crazy or he should be getting started right now.
My grandmother called me at work. I read her card when i got home, asking me to spend the money on Bling! (Is a portable selfpowered firewire drive bling?)
A large bouquet of daffodils arrived. Actually, it seemed small, because all the buds were tightly closed, but in water and out in the light on my desk, the buds have unfurled to gorgeous fluted trumpets. Hurrah for daffodils, and -- some sibling who sent them to me. I suspected my brother: the FTD packaging was so glossy and "executive." But, no, later email revealed it was my sister,
lola_kristine!My colleague, whose last day it was, and another and i went out for lunch, to celebrate both my birthday and her retirement. She slipped away while the team was in a two hour long meeting: last days are hard.
I had not felt i could make plans with Christine, given other things going on with work, but i was able to leave work at 5 pm, and the sun had come out. So we went and walked along the bayshore in the twilight, listening and watching all the waterbirds, night herons and Canada geese commuting in opposite directions to their evening roosts.
We ended up having dinner out at a pleasant neighborhood place in Midtown Palo Alto, Mike's Cafe. Then home for cake and Christine's delightful gift of wonderfully mastered vinyl copies of Led Zep I-IV. The last time i really *listened* was probably cassettes in a boom box, so any form would have probably revealed new dimensions to the sound, but i think even i could hear audiophillic distinctions of separation and clarity. It was wonderful, although i realized Christine thought these were original pressings (in near virgin state), and they're actually from a company ClassicRecords.com, which aims to fulfill the analogue audio ideal of perfection.
--==++==--
This morning has been a bit rough. Stressful email from my boss simultaneously with a call from parents at the first moments of my opening the computers and drinking the first bit of tea.
kibbles has written about how the LJ friends list can seem similar to Meeting for Worship. There's something to that -- but one difference is sometimes the personal sharing (the grief, the pain) shared in our journals is more than is revealed at my Meeting's worship. In responding to other's pain and grief, sometimes i inadvertently open my own emotions, and i found that happening, obliquely this morning. It's my first day working at home, too, since the new security policies have been put in place, so i have to figure out how to balance both computers.
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