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Not feeling settled this morning.
I poked through a bag of crochet thread someone gave me and found two skeins of sock yarn, something i've not been brave enough to buy for myself. I could make more fingerless mitts, but shall i brave socks? I wonder. I've downloaded the pattern for Show 205: Colorful Socks | Crochet Heart & Sole Socks which seems comprehensible to me. I must get disciplined about using stitch markers.
I'm looking again at the Xootr Mg. Someone commented on my post, back in May, that "For distances beyond 2-3 city blocks, kick scooters require too much effort." I guess the thing is, i like walking. I don't mind the bike, but i think it can be more of a burden: the scooter just seems to allow more flexibility (hopping in a colleague's car, or the transit shuttle, or the crowded train).
I know i'm beating myself up over a list of things:
* Birthdays missed. Nephews, friends, brother in law.
* Holidays approaching and i don't feel like giving. (To be clear, i want to give, but don't feel i can do it right, and thus am down on it.)
* I swear i updated the "roadmap" after the trip in September and i cannot find it. That just undermines my confidence in myself. It's standing in my way of getting something done. Oh quarterly report.
* I didn't remember i had to arrange a ride for someone. I remembered yesterday afternoon. She needs the ride today. I'll take off some time to give her the ride.
Is the prozac helping? "Overwhelm" was the symptom: this beating up is part of the overwhelm. I can see that i'm beating myself up, so that's a win.
I want to thank folks for comments over the past few weeks. They connection means a lot, but i fear i don't respond, and thus you don't know the connection means a lot. Theres a dysfunction in the feedback loop: i need connection, but when i connect back i probably "try too hard" and make it a drain.
I think i try to hard at too much. Not sure how to rectify this.
As far as self goals:
* haven't thought about the squats in the evening for a while
* we're not walking as much, but i do get on the bike and ride a bit periodically, while playing a stupid game. I did walk with my boss, too, so i'm keeping a minimal activity.
* i should probably be doing more light box.
* Twenty some days ago i wrote, "This one goal, "* Use my morning energy to address each of the seven goal aspects, cycling in order, by either journaling or actually following through on desk tasks," seems to be working. Every morning i am doing a look ahead at *some* aspect of my life now, instead of whatever is most demanding. " That seems to have fallen off. Is this -- my sense of being ineffectual, etc -- simply a function of SAD?
I poked through a bag of crochet thread someone gave me and found two skeins of sock yarn, something i've not been brave enough to buy for myself. I could make more fingerless mitts, but shall i brave socks? I wonder. I've downloaded the pattern for Show 205: Colorful Socks | Crochet Heart & Sole Socks which seems comprehensible to me. I must get disciplined about using stitch markers.
I'm looking again at the Xootr Mg. Someone commented on my post, back in May, that "For distances beyond 2-3 city blocks, kick scooters require too much effort." I guess the thing is, i like walking. I don't mind the bike, but i think it can be more of a burden: the scooter just seems to allow more flexibility (hopping in a colleague's car, or the transit shuttle, or the crowded train).
I know i'm beating myself up over a list of things:
* Birthdays missed. Nephews, friends, brother in law.
* Holidays approaching and i don't feel like giving. (To be clear, i want to give, but don't feel i can do it right, and thus am down on it.)
* I swear i updated the "roadmap" after the trip in September and i cannot find it. That just undermines my confidence in myself. It's standing in my way of getting something done. Oh quarterly report.
* I didn't remember i had to arrange a ride for someone. I remembered yesterday afternoon. She needs the ride today. I'll take off some time to give her the ride.
Is the prozac helping? "Overwhelm" was the symptom: this beating up is part of the overwhelm. I can see that i'm beating myself up, so that's a win.
I want to thank folks for comments over the past few weeks. They connection means a lot, but i fear i don't respond, and thus you don't know the connection means a lot. Theres a dysfunction in the feedback loop: i need connection, but when i connect back i probably "try too hard" and make it a drain.
I think i try to hard at too much. Not sure how to rectify this.
As far as self goals:
* haven't thought about the squats in the evening for a while
* we're not walking as much, but i do get on the bike and ride a bit periodically, while playing a stupid game. I did walk with my boss, too, so i'm keeping a minimal activity.
* i should probably be doing more light box.
* Twenty some days ago i wrote, "This one goal, "* Use my morning energy to address each of the seven goal aspects, cycling in order, by either journaling or actually following through on desk tasks," seems to be working. Every morning i am doing a look ahead at *some* aspect of my life now, instead of whatever is most demanding. " That seems to have fallen off. Is this -- my sense of being ineffectual, etc -- simply a function of SAD?
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