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Note 1: the batteries on the iPod speaker run out quickly. I rather dislike how it seems to be working at bed time and fails in the morning. The chanting before i wake is extremely helpful. But not this morning.
Note 2: I did dream a great deal this morning. No narrative i can put my finger on. A sense of secrecy. A faculty office in some near abandoned wing of a woods surrounded building, with a derelict access as if from a highway, and an associate hawk's roost. The faculty member and i crash in his office for the night. Is he my dissertation advisor? Past advisor? Undercurrent of sexual tension, but the urgency of the secret work overrides personal interests. That's the only fragment i kept -- probably because i was trying to work out if the faculty member was someone i knew (my real advisor?!) or just an archetype. Also, hawk! There was other movement about in an east coast hardwood landscape -- late autumn, cold, damp, and gray -- and pulling things up out of boggy water.
Note 3: Yesterday evening i rebelled against what i "should" do. I had a tension headache by the end of the workday, again, and had a tiny bit of (near undrinkable) wine when i got home as a slight relaxant. Self medication, yes, and a walk would have been wiser. I helped fold the laundry Christine had started. (Part of why walk was out -- the timing to be at the dryer.) I did have a call from my Mom, and i listened to all the ways she frames herself in failure and overwhelm. It's just her chit chat, her small talk, and i think i manage not to do it myself except for here in this space. I don't know how to tell stories of my day to day life easily without lapsing into the narrative of overwhelm, though. I tried telling her about the digital paper dolls.
Note 4: the care committee i'm on will convene at my home today at 3:30. If you could hold me and the three others in the Light (or however you may frame care and love), i'd appreciate it. In particular, the issues are around diminishment with age and chronic illness, and despair.
Now, to rush through my goals, a day late!
( the usual )
Note 2: I did dream a great deal this morning. No narrative i can put my finger on. A sense of secrecy. A faculty office in some near abandoned wing of a woods surrounded building, with a derelict access as if from a highway, and an associate hawk's roost. The faculty member and i crash in his office for the night. Is he my dissertation advisor? Past advisor? Undercurrent of sexual tension, but the urgency of the secret work overrides personal interests. That's the only fragment i kept -- probably because i was trying to work out if the faculty member was someone i knew (my real advisor?!) or just an archetype. Also, hawk! There was other movement about in an east coast hardwood landscape -- late autumn, cold, damp, and gray -- and pulling things up out of boggy water.
Note 3: Yesterday evening i rebelled against what i "should" do. I had a tension headache by the end of the workday, again, and had a tiny bit of (near undrinkable) wine when i got home as a slight relaxant. Self medication, yes, and a walk would have been wiser. I helped fold the laundry Christine had started. (Part of why walk was out -- the timing to be at the dryer.) I did have a call from my Mom, and i listened to all the ways she frames herself in failure and overwhelm. It's just her chit chat, her small talk, and i think i manage not to do it myself except for here in this space. I don't know how to tell stories of my day to day life easily without lapsing into the narrative of overwhelm, though. I tried telling her about the digital paper dolls.
Note 4: the care committee i'm on will convene at my home today at 3:30. If you could hold me and the three others in the Light (or however you may frame care and love), i'd appreciate it. In particular, the issues are around diminishment with age and chronic illness, and despair.
Now, to rush through my goals, a day late!
( the usual )
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