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Yesterday was obsessive day.
First, i got frustrated with the great huge lump of twitter accounts i follow. I resorted them in my RSS reader so that they would flow in with other prioritized reading clusters. This means i can read at one time tweets from folks i really know (that includes DW/LJ connections) and then later read the folks i've met in different interest circles.
Then, i decided that i really needed to be tracking my state again. A few years ago i filled out a grid to track health trends, which gave me confidence to know how long a canker flare was and some other details.( designing a new tracking system )
Armed with this Google Docs form, i'm able to fill out the form on-line from laptops or phone.
I spent HOURS intensely working on this little project, which reminded me to track "obsessive engagement" events. I'm rather satisfied by the outcome, and pleased that i had previous tracking forms easily available to transfer to the new format. It meant being significantly distracted from work again, like Monday afternoon when i was obsessively focussed on what the day of Christine's surgery would be like.
I became very aware of a tension in my sense of satisfaction as i was not doing "what i should do" and was obsessively engaged: the engagement was rewarding, better than addictive chips or surfing the web or so many other things. It was ENERGIZING in many ways. I could plow on despite a headache. What i'm identifying as "obsessive engagement" is good in so many ways.
Yet it's countered by the stack of Things I Need to Do: Evaluate whether certain machines are needed or not, file for airfare refund, file for flex expenditure refund, some phone calls for Oversight.
Is this procrastination at work? Some sort of recovery process?
I'm hoping my tracking is helpful as i both frame our experience of Christine's surgery and, in a month or so, withdraw from Prozac. I think the Prozac helped me create the space to reframe my understanding about my work environment: i hope going off is not an issue. I believe the canker flare was really due to the iron deficiency, so i don't expect a flare when i go off. However, "stress" is a "cause" of so many of my complaints, that loosing the prozac's shield from being overwhelmed may cause stress.
First, i got frustrated with the great huge lump of twitter accounts i follow. I resorted them in my RSS reader so that they would flow in with other prioritized reading clusters. This means i can read at one time tweets from folks i really know (that includes DW/LJ connections) and then later read the folks i've met in different interest circles.
Then, i decided that i really needed to be tracking my state again. A few years ago i filled out a grid to track health trends, which gave me confidence to know how long a canker flare was and some other details.( designing a new tracking system )
Armed with this Google Docs form, i'm able to fill out the form on-line from laptops or phone.
I spent HOURS intensely working on this little project, which reminded me to track "obsessive engagement" events. I'm rather satisfied by the outcome, and pleased that i had previous tracking forms easily available to transfer to the new format. It meant being significantly distracted from work again, like Monday afternoon when i was obsessively focussed on what the day of Christine's surgery would be like.
I became very aware of a tension in my sense of satisfaction as i was not doing "what i should do" and was obsessively engaged: the engagement was rewarding, better than addictive chips or surfing the web or so many other things. It was ENERGIZING in many ways. I could plow on despite a headache. What i'm identifying as "obsessive engagement" is good in so many ways.
Yet it's countered by the stack of Things I Need to Do: Evaluate whether certain machines are needed or not, file for airfare refund, file for flex expenditure refund, some phone calls for Oversight.
Is this procrastination at work? Some sort of recovery process?
I'm hoping my tracking is helpful as i both frame our experience of Christine's surgery and, in a month or so, withdraw from Prozac. I think the Prozac helped me create the space to reframe my understanding about my work environment: i hope going off is not an issue. I believe the canker flare was really due to the iron deficiency, so i don't expect a flare when i go off. However, "stress" is a "cause" of so many of my complaints, that loosing the prozac's shield from being overwhelmed may cause stress.
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