(no subject)

Yesterday i ran errands and the errands stretched long because of long waits, one at a possible broken turn-light when i'd made a poor routing choice. It was red for so long some people pulled to the right of the turn lane and turned in front to the folks waiting for the light to turn green. It was a lovely morning, and i was listing to an Escape Pod (science fiction pod cast), so i could wait for the green.

I popped into a craft store as i drove by it on the way to recycle a box of packing peanuts. I ended up spending far more time wandering the store than i expected, purchasing fabric (wait) and hunting yarn that matched. I now have a new project to figure out how to make dragonflies out of gold crochet thread and blend that work in with a heavier weight yarn. That will be a runner to complement the new dark green dragonfly print i bought to seam into a table cloth.

If the fabric says it's not for children, does that mean it's dangerous for napkins? (I suddenly worry the "gold" metallic flecks on this Chinese made 100% cotton fabric will cause lead poisoning. Oh well. We lived in West Philly.)

At the grocery store i shopped very savvily but found the bill a bit more than i expected. It turns out that part of the increase was the three avocados i expected to pay no more than three dollars for turned out to be rung up as THIRTEEN. (Had i paid full price it would have been $37 worth of avocados.) I guess i will be "that woman" and go dicker over my receipt.

Notes went out to one older friend recovering from a hip or leg fracture, another to my grandfather and his wife. You can see the floor at my desk: i've sorted the confetti of receipts and prescription notes and incoming mail. We have taxes for today: this year, pretty simple, thus Extreme Procrastination. (I never fixed my W-whatever to have more withholding so we'll owe, we'll owe.) Next year, we'll need to itemize for the medical expenses.

There was a good deal of time yesterday where i was sitting around knowing that i had had an emotional refreshment break (thirty minutes experimenting with a crochet dragonfly) and i needed to move on to the goals i'd set for the day. I don't think they were impossible goals, but i dawdled enough. I think i had left plenty of room for pleasure -- even had i moved on to a few more of my to-dos i would have had time for watching shows with Christine (The Story of India with Michael Wood, the second part of the Monroe mystery), and splurging in the craft store.

Now it's time to bolt around, to attend Library committee (ah, yes, my perfectionism and guilt twinge there!) and worship. Can i now, before i really hit my BEGIN button, declare yesterday a good day, one in which i am proud of what i did? Can i say "Good girl!" Can i gently put aside the mixed feelings i have about bringing home a New Project?

I did pause at 5 pm to acknowledge that i had held out on sweets until 5 pm, that i felt good, and that as i reward i could have a little ice cream after dinner. Today we go to 5:30.

I am trying. Yay self! I'm planning and compassionately watching what is tried and done, i'm not unbalanced in my judgement. Not meeting my best guess is sometimes due to unpredictability and sometimes due to learning a new discipline. There were bits of both yesterday. We can keep moving. Yay self!

ETA: Ah, yes: i am *satisfied* but not delighted. That's the scale of measurement, of emotional measuring. I am not saying there's not room to improve, i'm just letting myself feel ....

Oh heavens, i have such an inner critic. "It wasn't a waste. It wasn't *bad*." Damnit, it is OK to say it was a beautiful and balanced day. I was not super human, and i had a pleasant time, and i made progress in different areas. Why am i such a curmudgeon with myself!