(no subject)

We had a quiet morning, early call to my sister in law to wish her a merry merry, then i watched Yule-ish Youtube videos i had collected while Christine dozed. I went to Meeting and greeted, and now that i'm home i feel exhausted. Christine's making pancakes and i'm upgrading Lightroom so it will import the raw format from our new anniversary+Yule camera.

I have little worries scamper through my mind about the overwhelm i might feel as i get better. I have for the past three years or so hosted Friday evenings at the Meetinghouse for crafts and games, and i've not yet prepared announcements and notices. "Let it go," the thought came to me. I spent time in Worship testing that thought, not so much a leading as permission. I think it is the right choice for me, although I recognize it is more in reaction to a bit too much going on, than any indication that the practice is ready to be laid down. I need to balance, though, and so i will let it go this year.

amaebi writes, "I'm not actually convinced that God's mercy is something we humans would usually find mild. We usually want to have earned God's love and gifts, and God's mercy-- fully accepted-- doesn't really permit that kind of delusion."

Those aren't my words for my experience for feeling the permission to let go, but they dances around on the same stage.

So, i'll let go of that along with i don't know how many other things i wish i would do, i imagine i would do, but will not.

Instead, i'll keep my dog sitting commitment, keep the commitment to bring dinner to those sleeping nights in the Meetinghouse this December (oy, what to make for 15?). I'll try to catch up with work and do very late performance appraisals. I won't go to the Midwinter gathering, either. I feel the revolt against traveling again and i must trust it, what with business travel again in March. (I wonder about a road trip east from Ohio, in the spring....)

I feel led to say "no" for two months, to over-winter, to heal and let metamorphosis occur.