![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
My lost things score is improving. Not only did i find one bluetooth headset in my electronics kit bag after buying another fancy headset, yesterday evening i found the yarn for my mother's slippers. I had just placed the order for the yarn and the folks at the online yarn shop canceled the order. Hurrah!
I was looking for the old correspondence case (because of loosing the new case on the plane a month ago) when i found the crochet. I can't remember if i moved everything into the new case or if i had letters remaining in the old case.
I wonder if the correspondence case might yet be returned to me....
Perhaps i should go to Office WildCard and buy a replacement tonight.
--==∞==--
Yesterday's conditions of enoughness were all met. I managed to print out a letter for my nephew and scrawl a birthday wish to my uncle just as Christine was entering credit card information into the tax program. She's pretty sure she overdid it yesterday, between the taxes and tutoring session. Did i overdo it?
And i guess this is the question i need to ask myself about framing my meeting of little goals. Saturday, i did stuff but i didn't quite get everything on my list done. In my perfectionism/procrastination cycle i couldn't quite let myself relish the day. Yesterday i did get everything done, including the look-ahead to my workday today. Did i let myself relish the day? No: i felt like i'd raced to the wire, collapsed at the finish line, and looked up to see that there's a marathon a head of me. (That's just how i felt at bedtime.)
Much of yesterday i felt good, and it was good. It was a sun-drenched day. The Library committee meeting was a delightful hour of discussing Margaret Hope Bacon and which of her books we would buy from Quaker Books, which had then on sale to recognize her life's work. We discerned over all the books and started by trying to make a modest purchase, but we bought all of them. I enjoyed listening to our history reader explain the role of all the folks MHB had written biographies on. I learned about the strong Quaker role in setting up Liberia and that Friends were briefly involved in Indian Affairs under Grant. I don't know that i will ever get around to reading any of the history books, but MHB has two fiction works we're adding as part of this purchase, and we digressed into a review of Quaker Science Fiction writers.
Worship was without spoken ministry, but punctuated by the thump of a dog's wagging tail. I was wearing a skirt and shawl in rose paisleys, the skirt a recycled sari wrap skirt, and gazed at the patterns, letting myself feel the delight and joy of pattern and color. I've challenged myself to wear the swirly things and skirts hidden back in my closet: the uniform of jeans is a default of practical invisibility. Let me be expressive and swirly if i'm driving the car. We'll figure out the jeans question when we actually do ride the bike from A to B.
Christine and i didn't do any meals together, but we did watch a show (and i essentially had a dinner of tortilla chips, salsa, and hummus) and we enjoyed an evening deck time while i spun the wheels of the bike.
I think i managed most of the day not to have a feeling of urgency, not to feel like there was a ton of things to do and i was racing to get them done. I did have enough "deadlines" during the late afternoon and evening though -- look at schedule for workday & review notes by 5, exercise by 6, kitty litter by 7 -- that a little sense of urgency took on. This sense is SO MUCH BETTER than the usual Sunday evening "Oh My God, Tomorrow Is Monday And There Is SO MUCH" awareness which is usually followed by a sense of being crushed by the impact of responsibilities returning.
So, Yeah! Actually, this worked! I got to Sunday evening, and i may have been tired but i didn't feel overwhelmed! Even if i'm aware of a marathon ahead, i met my expectations of myself. My expectations and goals were reasonable and reflected all my different values and needs. I can't run a marathon all at once, i can't live my life all at once. Yesterday was a delightful day and i lived it in such a way that i feel ready for today. I didn't "get ahead" by doing today's work yesterday: that wouldn't be right. And i think that's one of the mental traps i set for myself: an expectation i'll get ahead of Time, preparing so thoroughly that i've lived in advance.
--==∞==--
I hope my talking to myself isn't too frustrating to read. I need to write through my muddle to help coach myself: reporting and analysis and coaching all wind together to help me frame the experience. I think this is coaching that a healthy parent-child relationship might produce, little chats as one is tucked into bed. Being parent to my child self is a little mind-bending: my parent-self is as insecure as my child-self. (From what i understand from new parents, this is not unusual.)
Christine asked me, as we were falling asleep, when i have time off planned next. I'm saving up vacation as savings: in California you are due your vacation pay at the end of employment. Having a month's worth of vacation as "savings" seems wise if i can manage it. I don't think i took any of the time around Christine's surgery as vacation but as the three days of family-sick time and then my own sick time. She's worried i'm overdoing it with my care for her and the house and the cats. I think i'm still doing OK (i'll point to the prozac as creating a reservoir of possibility i might not have usually had).
I want us to take some *real* vacations: a retreat at the end of her recovery to stay in Ben Lomand in a Quaker center cabin, and then a second somewhere to camp in our new tent.
Must scoot to work with lots of training today.
I was looking for the old correspondence case (because of loosing the new case on the plane a month ago) when i found the crochet. I can't remember if i moved everything into the new case or if i had letters remaining in the old case.
I wonder if the correspondence case might yet be returned to me....
Perhaps i should go to Office WildCard and buy a replacement tonight.
--==∞==--
Yesterday's conditions of enoughness were all met. I managed to print out a letter for my nephew and scrawl a birthday wish to my uncle just as Christine was entering credit card information into the tax program. She's pretty sure she overdid it yesterday, between the taxes and tutoring session. Did i overdo it?
And i guess this is the question i need to ask myself about framing my meeting of little goals. Saturday, i did stuff but i didn't quite get everything on my list done. In my perfectionism/procrastination cycle i couldn't quite let myself relish the day. Yesterday i did get everything done, including the look-ahead to my workday today. Did i let myself relish the day? No: i felt like i'd raced to the wire, collapsed at the finish line, and looked up to see that there's a marathon a head of me. (That's just how i felt at bedtime.)
Much of yesterday i felt good, and it was good. It was a sun-drenched day. The Library committee meeting was a delightful hour of discussing Margaret Hope Bacon and which of her books we would buy from Quaker Books, which had then on sale to recognize her life's work. We discerned over all the books and started by trying to make a modest purchase, but we bought all of them. I enjoyed listening to our history reader explain the role of all the folks MHB had written biographies on. I learned about the strong Quaker role in setting up Liberia and that Friends were briefly involved in Indian Affairs under Grant. I don't know that i will ever get around to reading any of the history books, but MHB has two fiction works we're adding as part of this purchase, and we digressed into a review of Quaker Science Fiction writers.
Worship was without spoken ministry, but punctuated by the thump of a dog's wagging tail. I was wearing a skirt and shawl in rose paisleys, the skirt a recycled sari wrap skirt, and gazed at the patterns, letting myself feel the delight and joy of pattern and color. I've challenged myself to wear the swirly things and skirts hidden back in my closet: the uniform of jeans is a default of practical invisibility. Let me be expressive and swirly if i'm driving the car. We'll figure out the jeans question when we actually do ride the bike from A to B.
Christine and i didn't do any meals together, but we did watch a show (and i essentially had a dinner of tortilla chips, salsa, and hummus) and we enjoyed an evening deck time while i spun the wheels of the bike.
I think i managed most of the day not to have a feeling of urgency, not to feel like there was a ton of things to do and i was racing to get them done. I did have enough "deadlines" during the late afternoon and evening though -- look at schedule for workday & review notes by 5, exercise by 6, kitty litter by 7 -- that a little sense of urgency took on. This sense is SO MUCH BETTER than the usual Sunday evening "Oh My God, Tomorrow Is Monday And There Is SO MUCH" awareness which is usually followed by a sense of being crushed by the impact of responsibilities returning.
So, Yeah! Actually, this worked! I got to Sunday evening, and i may have been tired but i didn't feel overwhelmed! Even if i'm aware of a marathon ahead, i met my expectations of myself. My expectations and goals were reasonable and reflected all my different values and needs. I can't run a marathon all at once, i can't live my life all at once. Yesterday was a delightful day and i lived it in such a way that i feel ready for today. I didn't "get ahead" by doing today's work yesterday: that wouldn't be right. And i think that's one of the mental traps i set for myself: an expectation i'll get ahead of Time, preparing so thoroughly that i've lived in advance.
--==∞==--
I hope my talking to myself isn't too frustrating to read. I need to write through my muddle to help coach myself: reporting and analysis and coaching all wind together to help me frame the experience. I think this is coaching that a healthy parent-child relationship might produce, little chats as one is tucked into bed. Being parent to my child self is a little mind-bending: my parent-self is as insecure as my child-self. (From what i understand from new parents, this is not unusual.)
Christine asked me, as we were falling asleep, when i have time off planned next. I'm saving up vacation as savings: in California you are due your vacation pay at the end of employment. Having a month's worth of vacation as "savings" seems wise if i can manage it. I don't think i took any of the time around Christine's surgery as vacation but as the three days of family-sick time and then my own sick time. She's worried i'm overdoing it with my care for her and the house and the cats. I think i'm still doing OK (i'll point to the prozac as creating a reservoir of possibility i might not have usually had).
I want us to take some *real* vacations: a retreat at the end of her recovery to stay in Ben Lomand in a Quaker center cabin, and then a second somewhere to camp in our new tent.
Must scoot to work with lots of training today.
Tags: