(no subject)

[elainegrey]

I've spent hours going through the past few weeks' email, finding the urgent and important items and filing the rest.

I know how angry i am, and angry is better than depression, but ... ok, now what? I wrote our newly renamed "Care and Concerns" committee at Meeting to explain my absences recently:

I've had some intense change going on at work and it's taken all my energy. I can admit how much anger is still seething in me from the lay-off of my boss and the promotion of someone who is not particularly competent (but such a "Yes Man"). How do i find the grace to coach my new incompetent Director? (This would be the person who did not take responsibility last year and left me in such a [i guess i didn't finish this sentence, lacking words to describe the trauma of last summer].

Meanwhile, we are instilling a completely new set of project disciplines in my team: some of this is very exciting and good change.

Right now my meditations include discerning how to transmute the energy currently caught up in the friction of my anger into energy i can use creatively.

Another member responded

Thank you for sharing this! I wanted to both cry and laugh with recognition... ..those people that "drive us to our practice" as the Dalai Lama calls them.... In Buddhist practice, we call them, "the Buddha at the gate"....

I remember having to do a meditation practice on my machiavellian supervisor for 3 months before I could see the results of transformation in that relationship!! The practice is from Thich Nhat Hanh, called, "Compassion for the person you despise the most"! Of course, one doesn't have to "despise" the person.... it can be anyone that drives us to our practice....
much Love and support coming in your direction!

Spending Tuesday night and Wednesday morning among the trees gave me some space to just be and look and see.

And hopefully this weekend i can return to feeling, letting my inner six year old have a good tantrum: "It's Not FAIR! Why do we keep this incompetent twirp whose inability and incompetence caused me so much pain last year?? Why?? And my incredibly competent and accomplished boss is let go? Why universe, why?? Why not let my boss be the director of this group? Why not leave [what was my new name for him?] a manager until he matured some??"

Let me kick, punch, grieve, yell. It's so not fair.

--==∞==--

Now i have a flood of little things to do. In that flood i hope to find pleasure and joy in the moment. Procrastination just had me irritated with my options for ordering *Something* for my Grandfather's birthday on Monday. Christine pointed out Red Envelope after the usual FTD only had Wednesday options for delivery. A bundle of blue iris will arrive today.

I am again reminded how much Memorial Day and my Grandfather's military service are so intertwined for me.

Off to the farmer's market and to see what sprint can do about the dead battery.

Comments

[laughingrat]

Man, that "drives us to practice" stuff...well, that's better off coming from inside one, not outside, at least for me. Maybe I'm projecting. ;) But they likely meant well. Please feel free to kick, punch, grieve, and yell!