(no subject)

[elainegrey]

So my brother did help me reinterpret the event with the last private moment, that my grandfather's wife probably couldn't imagine private meant without her. I had already felt a pang of compassion: if my beloved was having her last breaths, i can't imagine leaving for any reason. My brother was able to bluntly put the point: my mom and her siblings have not gotten over the shock of discovering their mother wasn't the love of their father's life. I ache for my Dad, having seen how despite all the battering between them, he adores my mother -- and she doesn't see his adoration. What role models she must have had for married love: her empirical evidence and experience all got filed under a false premise.

So, a good reminder before i leave not to get sucked into the read of the dynamics from Mom's point of view but to remember to look for the compassionate interpretation as well.

--==∞==--

I have avoided so much of the dynamics by being away, mostly a literal distance. I hope that i can maintain a perspective. Meanwhile, the flurry of email and phone calls is a distraction.

I am glad my brother called, and i could put his mind at ease about not attending the funeral. He heads back to China today after a long stateside vacation.

Must bustle.