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Good things about yesterday:
* Didn't cough much.
* Lovely visit with LHJ to get keys back.
* Laurie Anderson's Homeland.
* Laurie Anderson's Homeland mixed with most recent Devo.
* The Clash to chase away some blues.
* Almost all camping stuff is put up.
* A successful venture in dealing with a household infrastructure issue. (Toilet gurgles no more. Water is not wasted.)
* Listening to the Giants game and made progress on a nephew's Yule gift..
* December travel paperwork for work completed.
* Heart of romaine, green apple, dried blueberries, some coconut shreds, cheddar, and a touch of ranch dressing.
And i can still be moody. I made observations about clutter, cleaning, timeliness. I seem to take the factual observations all and turn them into a guilt and reduced self-worth cocktail. I know this is me, my brain, the pattern my brain has learned around self-worth. I know this is me taking simple observations and transmuting them into a soul poison. (And this is part of why someone who doesn't play well with my boundaries is such a disturbance: it's easy to trigger my bad mental habits.)
I am trying to learn. Yesterday i just kept moving, didn't let myself succumb to a paralyzing escape. Ha, paralyzing escape seems like an oxymoron, but is a accurate description of my response. No, i kept moving, not in an overdoing it sort of way that i learned from my mother, but in a gentle rhythm of following alternating easy-hard paths, trying to reward myself for following through on the things i wanted to do, trying not to be distracted by the critical observations that followed on the heels of the praise.
I think when Christine is home i'm able to bounce some of the stuff off of her and have her transmute some of the messages. I also don't want to poison her with the messages my brain constructs, so i am more intentional about reframing.
Kayak lessons with REI this morning as my worship. The legal forms for attending these lessons are remarkable. I wonder what it means that i will DEFEND REI. I'm not gonna give them money to fight a lawsuit my insurance company might bring to them, that's for sure.
* Didn't cough much.
* Lovely visit with LHJ to get keys back.
* Laurie Anderson's Homeland.
* Laurie Anderson's Homeland mixed with most recent Devo.
* The Clash to chase away some blues.
* Almost all camping stuff is put up.
* A successful venture in dealing with a household infrastructure issue. (Toilet gurgles no more. Water is not wasted.)
* Listening to the Giants game and made progress on a nephew's Yule gift..
* December travel paperwork for work completed.
* Heart of romaine, green apple, dried blueberries, some coconut shreds, cheddar, and a touch of ranch dressing.
And i can still be moody. I made observations about clutter, cleaning, timeliness. I seem to take the factual observations all and turn them into a guilt and reduced self-worth cocktail. I know this is me, my brain, the pattern my brain has learned around self-worth. I know this is me taking simple observations and transmuting them into a soul poison. (And this is part of why someone who doesn't play well with my boundaries is such a disturbance: it's easy to trigger my bad mental habits.)
I am trying to learn. Yesterday i just kept moving, didn't let myself succumb to a paralyzing escape. Ha, paralyzing escape seems like an oxymoron, but is a accurate description of my response. No, i kept moving, not in an overdoing it sort of way that i learned from my mother, but in a gentle rhythm of following alternating easy-hard paths, trying to reward myself for following through on the things i wanted to do, trying not to be distracted by the critical observations that followed on the heels of the praise.
I think when Christine is home i'm able to bounce some of the stuff off of her and have her transmute some of the messages. I also don't want to poison her with the messages my brain constructs, so i am more intentional about reframing.
Kayak lessons with REI this morning as my worship. The legal forms for attending these lessons are remarkable. I wonder what it means that i will DEFEND REI. I'm not gonna give them money to fight a lawsuit my insurance company might bring to them, that's for sure.
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