elainegrey (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
elainegrey) wrote2021-09-16 06:55 am
elainegrey) wrote2021-09-16 06:55 am
Entry tags:
(COE, f&f, mom and caa, elder care, administrivia, elephant)
Monday night and yesterday a small swirl of uncertainties with Grandmámá, who had stayed in bed and not eaten all Tuesday, but did rally yesterday. Compounding concern is the the approaching departure of my Dad's cousin to be with her daughter, as her daughter's husband faces the worst of stage 4 lung cancer. Is Grandmámá dying? Should a stranger be there? Should Dad go down? Should I? From my sister's point of view, Dad has dumped Mom on her. I don't know what their discussion was like, but L is cranky.
I assume she wishes Dad would spend money to have a professional care network in place. Knowing the huge uncertainty he's facing -- such as living another twenty years -- i can see him looking at the question of how to make it all work with pretty dim hopes. I look at my retirement fund and realize while it looks nice, it needs to be boosted. A random US News & World Report article says a million dollars in a 401k will last twenty years at a burn rate of $40k/year. And random current rate for assisted living, say $7k a month is way more than that.
I sure hope i like chestnuts. (Because i can hope the two trees might be productive enough to be a substantial carbohydrate source in my retirement. They went in when i was 50, more or less, and 'at maturity (15-20 years) they can produce as much as 50-100 lbs/tree'.)
Dad better have called about the hospice benefit for Grandmámá yesterday before his second beer. It's been something we've needed to know, and i am now in the nag stage.
He's struggling with his grief, and i make room for it. It's interesting to watch his grief and his procrastination play together.
Meanwhile a major elephant stampede occurred midday, clearly picking up momentum from my family's swirl.
I decided to take four hours as vacation because i am pretty sure i didn't put in the work with all the personal phone calls and distraction.
I don't feel grounded and centered today. I look at what others have to contend with and i feel frustrated with my capacity. What is the one thing i can do today to address any of:
[ ] retirement savings - increase amount going to retirement fund
[ ] emotional capacity -
[ ] care for family -
Let's see if i can get that done.
Adding new tag as "mom and caa" is now less about that specific health condition for my mom, and broadening to the needs of getting old.
I assume she wishes Dad would spend money to have a professional care network in place. Knowing the huge uncertainty he's facing -- such as living another twenty years -- i can see him looking at the question of how to make it all work with pretty dim hopes. I look at my retirement fund and realize while it looks nice, it needs to be boosted. A random US News & World Report article says a million dollars in a 401k will last twenty years at a burn rate of $40k/year. And random current rate for assisted living, say $7k a month is way more than that.
I sure hope i like chestnuts. (Because i can hope the two trees might be productive enough to be a substantial carbohydrate source in my retirement. They went in when i was 50, more or less, and 'at maturity (15-20 years) they can produce as much as 50-100 lbs/tree'.)
Dad better have called about the hospice benefit for Grandmámá yesterday before his second beer. It's been something we've needed to know, and i am now in the nag stage.
He's struggling with his grief, and i make room for it. It's interesting to watch his grief and his procrastination play together.
Meanwhile a major elephant stampede occurred midday, clearly picking up momentum from my family's swirl.
I decided to take four hours as vacation because i am pretty sure i didn't put in the work with all the personal phone calls and distraction.
I don't feel grounded and centered today. I look at what others have to contend with and i feel frustrated with my capacity. What is the one thing i can do today to address any of:
[ ] retirement savings - increase amount going to retirement fund
[ ] emotional capacity -
[ ] care for family -
Let's see if i can get that done.
Adding new tag as "mom and caa" is now less about that specific health condition for my mom, and broadening to the needs of getting old.