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KIVA: so, it's the first of a month and a Monday: there are hundreds of loans to be filled (824 Fundraising). No new Colombian loans: the few were from 29-30 January. Ah! The field partner for Kiva in Colombia is new as of December, and i can follow the RSS for the partner to see when their loans come up for funding.
***
Oh, i wanted to keep sleeeeping this morning. Maybe i should have slept late, but i want to work today, i want to have something close to a regular rhythm of the day.
My biggest fear for the day is that i become unreasonable with myself and expect too much and trigger a depression spiral.
So now my mind skitters around, wondering what it can think about without triggering the sense of failing-before-starting. When my eyes land on a note about Valentine's day notes (for extended family and distant friends) i freeze up and my mind spins into the litany -- but really, it's not that bad. No, i will probably *not* get around to dyeing the handkerchiefs that were supposed to be Yule gifts.
***
I interrupt my whining to make my monthly health charts. I am delighted at how much better my psoriasis/eczema is with the vitamin D (and potentially the EPA/DHA - fish - and GLA oils). While i had a canker last week it did not trigger that sense of flare (although i was already sick). Maybe all these immune deficiencies/reactivities are unrelated.
***
As my morning puttering draws to a close i recognize my fear, my frustration with having so much time slip away from me over the past few months. Two weeks abed, a couple weeks paralyzed with depression: i think i know what to do but i am afraid.
Today, success is
* getting through my meetings
* taking a nap
* going for a mini-walk
* replying to five work email messages
* replying to two personal email messages.
And that's it. I could list so many things, but i need to pace myself. Going from stop to full blast won't help me.
***
Oh, i wanted to keep sleeeeping this morning. Maybe i should have slept late, but i want to work today, i want to have something close to a regular rhythm of the day.
My biggest fear for the day is that i become unreasonable with myself and expect too much and trigger a depression spiral.
So now my mind skitters around, wondering what it can think about without triggering the sense of failing-before-starting. When my eyes land on a note about Valentine's day notes (for extended family and distant friends) i freeze up and my mind spins into the litany -- but really, it's not that bad. No, i will probably *not* get around to dyeing the handkerchiefs that were supposed to be Yule gifts.
***
I interrupt my whining to make my monthly health charts. I am delighted at how much better my psoriasis/eczema is with the vitamin D (and potentially the EPA/DHA - fish - and GLA oils). While i had a canker last week it did not trigger that sense of flare (although i was already sick). Maybe all these immune deficiencies/reactivities are unrelated.
***
As my morning puttering draws to a close i recognize my fear, my frustration with having so much time slip away from me over the past few months. Two weeks abed, a couple weeks paralyzed with depression: i think i know what to do but i am afraid.
Today, success is
* getting through my meetings
* taking a nap
* going for a mini-walk
* replying to five work email messages
* replying to two personal email messages.
And that's it. I could list so many things, but i need to pace myself. Going from stop to full blast won't help me.
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