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We've reached the frontier, the unsettled border. The cats are at the Inn, and we've dismantled the rest of the place.
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I think we are settlers -- i think perhaps it is this sense of physically marking our territory that my sister in law notices with amusement when we have stayed with her. We unpack our tech, but here in our own home, the distribution of our stuff is so dense. It's been pushed into islands: the desk in the living room has all the tech, vases from things that should be moved, piled high above the monitor. The bathroom in the bedroom has a shower stall full of miscellaneous stuff, all the cat care kit packed up from its corner. And the office, the easel is in here now, and while this room is probably a visual collage in its most tidy incarnation, the few additional stacks conspire to make the room feel close. (But, oh, the magic of camera angles -- at just the right angle it looks like i'm walled in here.)
Tonight we sleep in our bed, but the room has been denuded of the trappings of hobbies and living. Tomorrow, early, the bed is pulled apart, mattress to get sun on the deck, and I suppose we'll see if they'll manage the frame.
Beds are on the list of things they won't move, but we really want under the bed cleaned. They say they'll move the dressers, which is insane, if you ask me. But we have a small bed and big dressers.
--==∞==--
The workday slithered by. I felt ineffectual, and i witness the tension of unrealistic expectations for myself and knowing how hard others work. I am calmed though, from the stress i had managed to build up over the weekend knowing i also missed Friday. But i have absences coming up too. I feel doomed to be behind for ages. It's all in the framing. I was going to work tonight, but by the time we'd had dinner and watched an hour of Waking the Dead (why does Netflix stop at season four when there are seven more?), we just have time to scurry the last things away and i am exhausted.
Eating today i find that i sense a tightness and a closing up (i have no idea what i am reacting to), my wedding ring finger itches, and i think i should keep taking the asthma meds. Is this physiological or psychological? No idea. Not sure it matters at this point.
click through for larger image
I think we are settlers -- i think perhaps it is this sense of physically marking our territory that my sister in law notices with amusement when we have stayed with her. We unpack our tech, but here in our own home, the distribution of our stuff is so dense. It's been pushed into islands: the desk in the living room has all the tech, vases from things that should be moved, piled high above the monitor. The bathroom in the bedroom has a shower stall full of miscellaneous stuff, all the cat care kit packed up from its corner. And the office, the easel is in here now, and while this room is probably a visual collage in its most tidy incarnation, the few additional stacks conspire to make the room feel close. (But, oh, the magic of camera angles -- at just the right angle it looks like i'm walled in here.)
Tonight we sleep in our bed, but the room has been denuded of the trappings of hobbies and living. Tomorrow, early, the bed is pulled apart, mattress to get sun on the deck, and I suppose we'll see if they'll manage the frame.
Beds are on the list of things they won't move, but we really want under the bed cleaned. They say they'll move the dressers, which is insane, if you ask me. But we have a small bed and big dressers.
--==∞==--
The workday slithered by. I felt ineffectual, and i witness the tension of unrealistic expectations for myself and knowing how hard others work. I am calmed though, from the stress i had managed to build up over the weekend knowing i also missed Friday. But i have absences coming up too. I feel doomed to be behind for ages. It's all in the framing. I was going to work tonight, but by the time we'd had dinner and watched an hour of Waking the Dead (why does Netflix stop at season four when there are seven more?), we just have time to scurry the last things away and i am exhausted.
Eating today i find that i sense a tightness and a closing up (i have no idea what i am reacting to), my wedding ring finger itches, and i think i should keep taking the asthma meds. Is this physiological or psychological? No idea. Not sure it matters at this point.
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