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Yesterday, i left the house, checked the 511 number for traffic, discovered there was an predicted hour long backup, and came home to take my morning's meetings. Then i drove to the office.
I became all activated from the meetings, jaw clenched, tense. I walked with my boss around a nearby water feature apparently called Vintage Park and the physical exertion in the sunshine didn't relax me. And, as i realize how my boss and i are more peer in our experience than anything else, i continue recognize how i wish for a mentor/protector/guide. There is so much churning going on at the Ohio office: i wish for astute judges of how things are moving there.
I puttered all afternoon on peoplesoft financial things and talked with a colleague. Home in the evening, in the dark, oh, the shortness of the day! Christine and i dined and then she joined me in the tiny women's group.
We read and then talked about grief and spiritual detachment and the physical expression of yelling out one's questions and pain (to God, for those who believe, and just out for the rest). I realized just how little my life has been touched by grief (and how easily grief is to confuse with fear). I hope i can grow enough by the time grief visits me, so that i don't try to smother it and box it up.
--==∞==--
I can't say i slept well, with more waking in the night. Part of why the doctor felt the prozac would be good was because of my disturbed sleep. Fiddlesticks. The last few nights seem more driven by night sweats than my work mind, though, and antidepressants may cause those, so there it is.
I do seem to be healing in my mouth. Sunday the ache from a sore on my back lower left jaw felt so deep that i thought it might be a tooth problem, but the inflammation seems to be clearing up there, as well. Hurrah Iron! My mouth really seems to be on the mend!
--==∞==--
No 7 am meeting so i'm carpooling at 8 am.
I became all activated from the meetings, jaw clenched, tense. I walked with my boss around a nearby water feature apparently called Vintage Park and the physical exertion in the sunshine didn't relax me. And, as i realize how my boss and i are more peer in our experience than anything else, i continue recognize how i wish for a mentor/protector/guide. There is so much churning going on at the Ohio office: i wish for astute judges of how things are moving there.
I puttered all afternoon on peoplesoft financial things and talked with a colleague. Home in the evening, in the dark, oh, the shortness of the day! Christine and i dined and then she joined me in the tiny women's group.
We read and then talked about grief and spiritual detachment and the physical expression of yelling out one's questions and pain (to God, for those who believe, and just out for the rest). I realized just how little my life has been touched by grief (and how easily grief is to confuse with fear). I hope i can grow enough by the time grief visits me, so that i don't try to smother it and box it up.
--==∞==--
I can't say i slept well, with more waking in the night. Part of why the doctor felt the prozac would be good was because of my disturbed sleep. Fiddlesticks. The last few nights seem more driven by night sweats than my work mind, though, and antidepressants may cause those, so there it is.
I do seem to be healing in my mouth. Sunday the ache from a sore on my back lower left jaw felt so deep that i thought it might be a tooth problem, but the inflammation seems to be clearing up there, as well. Hurrah Iron! My mouth really seems to be on the mend!
--==∞==--
No 7 am meeting so i'm carpooling at 8 am.
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