Good Bleary Morning To Ya'

As i suspected, the motivational difficulties of the past three days can be laid at the feet of hormonal shifting. It's just a cycle, a tide, in riding the wave of being, i tell myself, but i wish it were easier. What to do during those days? And then, the effect isn't always the same, so there are other factors and forces at work.

It's a continuing question for myself. I was depressed through my teen years and through my twenties, when i was finally diagnosed and began to face it. There came a point when i understood myself to have a choice: i could medicate and fight and force myself to do what "i" wanted, or i could choose to face my depression without meds, changing my way of living so that i could thrive. One can make many arguments for living authentically and honestly.

I can make the big choices now, i think, and i might be able to make the medium range choices, but the moment to moment choices remain hard. Some times that sense self with the will does need to stand in and force way. Probably the most helpful recently has been when that self can stand firm against more refined sugars. I'm going to need that will to exercise as what little i used to do has fallen to nothing in the past year and a half. So forcing isn't wrong, it's needed. But sometimes it's not the right way, it's fighting the tide. It's stupid to force oneself to work when sick if one has sick days (a great blessing).

So much i write here is me attempting to discern is this the wave, the flow, which i should ride and be patient (and rest) in the eddies and celebrate the occasional rapids? Or am i aground and need to shove myself back in the flow again?

Yesterday i spent "too much" time reading pre-Star Trek (2009) canon history of Spock and Kirk ( brief sorta SPOILERs )

Today has much to do, much delayed, and since i'm on that rising wave of energy i'm trying to get some of it done.